but no one's gonna do that for him in jail.
sean kelly was arrested today for trying to hire caregivers for his handicapped brother, and then refusing to provide payment.
i only wish that this was the only crime here.
three former "employees" have complained that mike kelly hired them to take care of his brother sean who was permanently handicapped after an accident. services included feeding the disabled man, and changing his soiled diapers.
here's the fun part. there is no mike. the calls made from "mike" were actually made by sean.
who is not disabled. he simply "hired" these people to take care of him without payment. or a disability.
kelly was taken to brevard county jail, where he is being held on $5,500 bail.
so hooray for dubious disability fraud, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, September 11, 2009
lesson teaching...it's not good news
"and that's why...you never teach your cat a lesson."
a boynton beach man is being held on $5,000 bail, after a discipline attempt went terribly wrong.
on his cat.
the unnamed 43-year old man caught his cat urinating on the bed instead of the litterbox, and got angry. he took his cat and a gun into the garage, and shot at a flotation device (which i imagine got comical hissing to occur) to "scare" the cat.
which brings to mind a question for me. if you want to prevent a cat from peeing where it shouldn't, is scaring it the right course of action?
well, the police deemed that it wasn't, and this callous cat owner was arrested on charges of shooting in an occupied dwelling, and operating a firearm while under the influence.
so hooray for creative cat coaching, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a boynton beach man is being held on $5,000 bail, after a discipline attempt went terribly wrong.
on his cat.
the unnamed 43-year old man caught his cat urinating on the bed instead of the litterbox, and got angry. he took his cat and a gun into the garage, and shot at a flotation device (which i imagine got comical hissing to occur) to "scare" the cat.
which brings to mind a question for me. if you want to prevent a cat from peeing where it shouldn't, is scaring it the right course of action?
well, the police deemed that it wasn't, and this callous cat owner was arrested on charges of shooting in an occupied dwelling, and operating a firearm while under the influence.
so hooray for creative cat coaching, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
this season's crimes of fashion.
dressed to kill...or at least wound.
the tampa police department is on the lookout for some unusual fashionistas. three pawn shops in the last three weeks have been robbed by these criminals with some odd fashion choices.
in these robberies, their cloaking agents have included beautician's sinks worn on their heads to cover their faces, hospital scrubs, surgical masks, and in one (i imagine, particularly hilarious) case, a child safety seat was used over the head to protect a robber's identity.
andrea davis, a spokesperson for the police department had this to say: "the first thing you think is, 'that's funny,' but in reality this is a violent crime and there's nothing funny about it to the victims."
anyone with info is asked to call the TPD, and anyone with more suggestions on costumes can call me :)
hooray for fashionable felons, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
the tampa police department is on the lookout for some unusual fashionistas. three pawn shops in the last three weeks have been robbed by these criminals with some odd fashion choices.
in these robberies, their cloaking agents have included beautician's sinks worn on their heads to cover their faces, hospital scrubs, surgical masks, and in one (i imagine, particularly hilarious) case, a child safety seat was used over the head to protect a robber's identity.
andrea davis, a spokesperson for the police department had this to say: "the first thing you think is, 'that's funny,' but in reality this is a violent crime and there's nothing funny about it to the victims."
anyone with info is asked to call the TPD, and anyone with more suggestions on costumes can call me :)
hooray for fashionable felons, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
"the tops don't sting you!"
so he used them to make the bottom parts sting you.
keith edward marriott was picked up for disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon monday, after reports of him surfaced (as did he) at madeira beach. marriott was described as being loud and disruptive, and was repeatedly submerging himself in the water, pretending to drown.
when he emerged, he had an unexpected find: jellyfish.
the 41-year old then started throwing the jellyfish at nearby teenagers. i know what you're thinking- the jellyfish were not the concealed weapon. he also had a pocketknife on him when the police picked him up.
marriott is being held on $250 bail. may the embarrassment of this crime sting less than anything the jellyfish did to him.
so hooray for assault by seacreature, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
keith edward marriott was picked up for disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon monday, after reports of him surfaced (as did he) at madeira beach. marriott was described as being loud and disruptive, and was repeatedly submerging himself in the water, pretending to drown.
when he emerged, he had an unexpected find: jellyfish.
the 41-year old then started throwing the jellyfish at nearby teenagers. i know what you're thinking- the jellyfish were not the concealed weapon. he also had a pocketknife on him when the police picked him up.
marriott is being held on $250 bail. may the embarrassment of this crime sting less than anything the jellyfish did to him.
so hooray for assault by seacreature, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, September 4, 2009
odd law lesson.
this used to not be illegal in california.
fun fact about orson welles. at the point when he was doing a lot of theater work while directing citizen kane, there was no rule about how an ambulance could be used. if he didn't want to drive, he called an ambulance. if he was running late, he called an ambulance.
that said, benjamin dewer, 26, is no orson welles.
dewer called 911 twice, to let them know that he was hungry and needed a ride to the park.
needless to say, not an emergency. he was charged with making false 911 calls, and is being held on $1,000 bail.
so hooray for creative calling, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
fun fact about orson welles. at the point when he was doing a lot of theater work while directing citizen kane, there was no rule about how an ambulance could be used. if he didn't want to drive, he called an ambulance. if he was running late, he called an ambulance.
that said, benjamin dewer, 26, is no orson welles.
dewer called 911 twice, to let them know that he was hungry and needed a ride to the park.
needless to say, not an emergency. he was charged with making false 911 calls, and is being held on $1,000 bail.
so hooray for creative calling, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Clackety, clackety, clackety...crack.
this is what happens when you roll the dice.
if you insist on playing dice, and i'm sure some of you do, i wouldn't advise that you play near jackson court apartments. i don't think that 18 year old leslie jones would endorse such a decision either.
as jones and his associates were playing dice in the complex, johnny lee "bald head" jordan, 39, approached the game, gun drawn. the players scattered, but bald head wasn't satisfied. he proceeded to chase them down, firing what the police believe was up to 10 shots. jones was hit in the wrist, foot and thigh, but his injuries do not appear to be critical.
jordan was peacefully apprehended, surprisingly enough. i would think that someone so fervently anti-dice would put up more of a fight.
in any case, hooray for deadly dice situations, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if you insist on playing dice, and i'm sure some of you do, i wouldn't advise that you play near jackson court apartments. i don't think that 18 year old leslie jones would endorse such a decision either.
as jones and his associates were playing dice in the complex, johnny lee "bald head" jordan, 39, approached the game, gun drawn. the players scattered, but bald head wasn't satisfied. he proceeded to chase them down, firing what the police believe was up to 10 shots. jones was hit in the wrist, foot and thigh, but his injuries do not appear to be critical.
jordan was peacefully apprehended, surprisingly enough. i would think that someone so fervently anti-dice would put up more of a fight.
in any case, hooray for deadly dice situations, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
"here's the hard part. they're going to take you too."
...into custody, that is.
18 year old estes dante washington, 18, has gone from being under a bed to under arrest in a relatively short period of time. washington is being held on $25,000 bail for burglary and resisting arrest.
the funny part is, it started in a car.
an officer pulled washington over at about 9:45 tuesday evening for not wearing a seatbelt. he bolted, panicked. he was seen running through some apartment complexes, but decided to duck into a stranger's apartment, instead of his own.
while two witnesses saw him enter the apartment, the owner said she didn't realize anyone had come in. nevertheless, police dragged him out from under a bed.
hooray for slipping into something a little more comfortable, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
18 year old estes dante washington, 18, has gone from being under a bed to under arrest in a relatively short period of time. washington is being held on $25,000 bail for burglary and resisting arrest.
the funny part is, it started in a car.
an officer pulled washington over at about 9:45 tuesday evening for not wearing a seatbelt. he bolted, panicked. he was seen running through some apartment complexes, but decided to duck into a stranger's apartment, instead of his own.
while two witnesses saw him enter the apartment, the owner said she didn't realize anyone had come in. nevertheless, police dragged him out from under a bed.
hooray for slipping into something a little more comfortable, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
what's the opposite of escape?
the "jiles in-scape plan"?
sylvester jiles should have been living a new life after being released from jail on manslaughter charges. but instead, he feared for his life. what did he decide was the thing to do here?
break back into jail.
he called the police and told them about the threats, who told him to file a report. he did the next best thing. he attempted to scale a 12 foot wire fence, returning himself to the brevard county detention center. a second, sharper fence, proved to be his downfall, and he sustained major injuries.
so hooray for determined once and future detainees, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
sylvester jiles should have been living a new life after being released from jail on manslaughter charges. but instead, he feared for his life. what did he decide was the thing to do here?
break back into jail.
he called the police and told them about the threats, who told him to file a report. he did the next best thing. he attempted to scale a 12 foot wire fence, returning himself to the brevard county detention center. a second, sharper fence, proved to be his downfall, and he sustained major injuries.
so hooray for determined once and future detainees, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
what has two thumbs and should be able to cash a check?
regrettably, not this man.
steve valdez of tampa had two forms of valid ID and a signed check from his wife. however, bank of america still would not allow him to process the check. they require a thumbprint to proceed with the transaction.
bad news for valdez. born without arms, he has no thumbs. he has prosthetic arms, but no thumbprints.
UPDATE: bank of america has since apologized to valdez, saying that they "should have offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint." tampa attorney maureen deskins has handled at least 10 cases of this nature, but says not enough information is present to determine if disability laws were violated.
hooray for a lack of fiscal fairness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
steve valdez of tampa had two forms of valid ID and a signed check from his wife. however, bank of america still would not allow him to process the check. they require a thumbprint to proceed with the transaction.
bad news for valdez. born without arms, he has no thumbs. he has prosthetic arms, but no thumbprints.
UPDATE: bank of america has since apologized to valdez, saying that they "should have offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint." tampa attorney maureen deskins has handled at least 10 cases of this nature, but says not enough information is present to determine if disability laws were violated.
hooray for a lack of fiscal fairness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
oh, i'm back, and it's on.
had a summer hiatus, first because of a lack of time, and then because of a lack of florida based ridiculousness. but now i'm here again, with new hooray-worthy moments!
if at first you do succeed...see what else you can get!
steve fluegge is one of the only people i know of who had to experience a burglary in stages. whether it's because of a bold spirit and a high from stealing, or because of some transport issue, fluegge first lost his game system, watch, wallet. about an hour later, his TV went missing.
the police were investigating the scene, and wanted to dust the scene for fingerprints. the TV had been left outside, but could not be dusted right away because of the dew that accumulated when the robber put it there. an hour later, when investigators returned to the yard to check it, the tarp covering it had been tossed away, and the TV taken.
there's no sign of the robber, or clues to his identity.
but i'm not really concerned. he'll be back.
hooray for repeat robberies, hooray for being back from hiatus, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if at first you do succeed...see what else you can get!
steve fluegge is one of the only people i know of who had to experience a burglary in stages. whether it's because of a bold spirit and a high from stealing, or because of some transport issue, fluegge first lost his game system, watch, wallet. about an hour later, his TV went missing.
the police were investigating the scene, and wanted to dust the scene for fingerprints. the TV had been left outside, but could not be dusted right away because of the dew that accumulated when the robber put it there. an hour later, when investigators returned to the yard to check it, the tarp covering it had been tossed away, and the TV taken.
there's no sign of the robber, or clues to his identity.
but i'm not really concerned. he'll be back.
hooray for repeat robberies, hooray for being back from hiatus, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
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