My heart does NOT bleed for her.

Apparently, that's taken care of. F***ing disgusting.

A 27 year old woman was caught fleeing from a Walgreens without paying for a $30 bottle of Elizabeth Arden cologne, along with bright green nail polish and long black fake eyelashes.

While this case could have easily been handled by the Fashion Police, the actual cops tried to get on it. Ermith Emonfils approached the officers with calls of "Sex? Sex?" before resorting to what I can only call "biological warfare."

After this point, I can't even use my own words. I'll use theirs, and properly cite them.

As officers put her in a patrol car, she "grabbed behind her and pointed a well-used and bloody female sanitary napkin" at two officers. 

Both officers told her to drop the well used and bloody female sanitary napkin, but the suspect refused," the affidavit states. "I delivered a firm, lawful command to the suspect to drop the object and told her it was gross."

(TC Palm)

Ho..ly...smokes. 

So I salute you for your f***ing  gross creativity. Course, there's a reason people don't do things like that.

And, though I balk at saying it...HOORAY FLORIDA.

What price do you put on the glory days?

$110,000, maybe?

That is the cost of the bionic hand and arm recently acquired by 18 year old Kasey Edwards, who had the most tangible cost of stupidity I've ever seen.

Eager to recreate a high school stunt, he jumped into a lake in Melbourne at 2:30am, only to feel what he described as "a giant pair of pliers" clamp down on his arm. That "pair of pliers" was apparently attached to an 11 and a half foot alligator. He managed to escape its grip by poking it in the eye, but lost his arm in the disappointingly non-epic battle.

Now, I feel as though there are people more deserving of this type of technology. Not to be rude or judgmental or anything, but that's just how I feel. Chubbs from Happy Gilmore and Captain Hook come to mind. Both are probably very (fictionally) angry that a guy who provoked a gator attack gets such a fancy new arm all the way from Scotland.

In any case, good work on throwing money at an easily avoidable problem Kasey, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

some people would have you "sleep on" the Rays.

they're sleep scientists.

Apparently, drowsy Tampa Bay residents has resulted in the publication of this article, discussing how the greater Tampa Bay area's sleep habits have been disrupted by our stellar performance in baseball.

It would appear that Hillsborough residents are worse about it than Pinellas residents- an extra 1,000 kids were absent from school Monday, the day after the AL pennant was clinched. My thoughts? If they had to make the drive back from St. Pete, the Pinellas kids wouldn't have made it either!

The rest of the article is designed to tell you how bad sleep deprivation is for your health, to nap before watching games, and to make sure you can function while watching the Rays take the World Series.

So to all of you who did sleep in after the Rays clinched,
(1) I wish I were you; and
(2) HOORAY FLORIDA!

"Littering and...."

(one of the few good parts of SuperTroopers, by the way...)
"hypocrisy."

Who is the last person you would expect to see littering?
Besides the obvous answers of Al Gore, Greenzo the fake mascot from 30 Rock, and a tearful Native American, add 37 year old Harvey Bivins to your list. The head of Tampa's Downtown Partnership Clean Team was seen throwing lawn debris and random household items in the streets of a Gibsonton subdivision. He was charged with- another charge I didn't know existed- felony littering.

You think they treated him more roughly because he's...an environmentalist?

He was released from jail for $6,000 bail. I wonder how much jail time he could have gotten from felony littering...

So hats off to Harvey Bivins, so long as he disposes of it properly, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

the real crime?

putting anything from Sweetbay in your pants.

It sounds like a nice place in title, but is among the less clean of grocery stores in Florida.

No matter for a 32 man discovered by an undercover cop, who noticed he appeared to be stuffing groceries in his drawers.

When apprehended, he recovered from his trousers...bags of stolen shrimp.

If it was a compensatory move, God love him. Stealing shrimp...my goodness.

So good work, unidentified man-I wouldn't want to give my name either- and HOORAY FLORIDA!

How do you like them waffles?

How about $547.45 worth?

Say what you want about the Waffle House, or Awful House as we've been known to call it, but you get a good deal for what you pay for.

Well, 66 year old Maryanne O'Neill didn't agree. Her bill at the restaurant came to $7.45, and she refused to pay. The police, when they arrived, informed her that she could either pay her tab or go to jail. She chose the latter, where that breakfast could cost her an extra $500.

Apparently, "obtaining food or lodging with intent to defraud" is a punishable second degree misdemeanor. Now that is brand new information to me. All I know is that if I wanted coffee and a sandwich for $7.45, I would not pick Waffle House.

Maybe that's the lesson...

But seriously, folks...

One of a few serious Hooray moments...

As a Tampa resident, I admittedly haven't really paid a whole lot of attention to the Rays up until now. Between being a die-hard hockey fan, and the propensity for this team to play admittedly forgettable baseball, it's never really been an issue. 

However, I was brought into the excitement of the Rays prior to the season by a former boyfriend, and spent the course of this season honestly growing to enjoy it. I had no way of knowing that this season was going to go the way that it did, and I got swept up in it the same way everyone else did, watching a team that no one expected to do well blow away all expectations.

I was a few blocks away from the Trop tonight when the Rays clinched their playoff berth, and it was huge for us. I never expected for this season to end this way, and I know they didn't either. 

But for Rocco Baldelli, it's more of a life or death situation than anyone else. He's come back to this team after a diagnosis of a mitochondrial disorder in a way that no one thought he would. I'm so happy for him to be able to do this, a year and a half after they really thought this disease would kill him. And it's a battle for him all the time, but I'm really happy to see things like this happen for people who work so hard to earn it.

Best of luck boys, I will be watching!

This one's short, as it only pertains to the title.

It has two meanings!

This particular one is more a commentary on how the St. Petersburg Times, notable for their sports section (one of the 10 best in the country), titles their other articles.

The article is about how Derrick La-Tee Harris, an African American male from Port Richey, has been charged in the murder of his half brother, after calling the police to report his body.

And in their infinite political correctness, they chose to title the article: "Brother arrested in Port Richey slaying."

Let's make this one interactive. In how many ways is this true, and who wants to tell the class why?

So kudos on your sports coverage, tampabay.com, but you get a HOORAY FLORIDA for this hilarious double meaning.

Strippers: breaking the glass ceiling...

...of gentlemen's clubs everywhere.

First, I'd like to point out- big week for strippers in the news!

However, while Rachel's (of the flu shot story) was providing a service to the community, Charles Privette argues that The Booby Trap (classy name, by the way) is a danger to it.

The story goes, as he was receiving a lap dance, a stripper in the Pompano Beach club lost her shoe. It flew into the glass ceiling, shattering it, and causing Privette to sustain cuts to the eyebrow, as well as nosebleed and headaches- likely from the shoe that landed back on his head- from the incidents.

May he think long and hard about going to the strip club again.

That's what she said.

Is that a snake in your mailbox...

Cause it sure wasn't happy to see him.

An Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake (read: very poisonous) attacked a mailman from inside a mailbox in New Tampa last week. Efrain Arranco, in true dedication, was still delivering the mail half an hour later, to ensure that he didn't get fired. 

He refused to call 911, instead finishing his route, driving to the New Tampa mail station, covering his bloody hand, and calmly announcing upon his return, "Brenda, I've been bitten by a snake."

(1) This is BADASS. 66 years old, and refused to go to the emergency room. I admire his dedication.

(2) While this snake was between 12-14 inches long, these snakes can grow to five or five and a half feet long. Turns out in addition to being the lightning capital of the world, and the home of miraculous sporting turnarounds, we also house the natural habitat of the largest venomous snakes in North America.

(3) The interesting part of this story? It gradually turns from the bravery of the man that was bitten...to a detailed account of how his boss, who paid attention at first aid training, kept him from dying at the post office. Kudos Brenda, you get a cookie for paying attention during training.

And as someone who lives less than two tenths of a mile from where this happened, I don't really feel like checking the mail anymore.

So hats off to your badass-ness, Senor Arranco, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Were you aware?

McDonald's classifies their customers in the same categories as are used to classify drug users.

And apparently, for good reason.

In Vero Beach, the police reported that Shawn Pannullo using a wad of something green to pay for his meal at the McDonald's drive thru.

Needless to say, it was not cash.

There's no word as to what he ordered, or if he did end up paying before he got arrested, but let that be a lesson to you.

Don't try to pay for fast food with weed, Shawn. 

The exchange rate may be better, but it's just risky.

May you be lovin' it in jail, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

This is sick. And not flu sick...

And after we go to the trouble to AVOID needles at this place...

Rachel's, an establishment in Casselberry, thought they were doing the public a service when they offered free flu shots to seniors in the community.

However, I should also mention that Rachel's is a strip club.
There are many places you should avoid needles at all costs. The two most notable that I can think of are bathrooms in the 1980s, and strip clubs.

Seriously, those seniors are old enough to know better.
Maybe they were blinded by the free pot roast meal that also came with the shots.
You can say lots of things about old people, but they will take a free meal when offered. Regardless of the origin, apparently.

So well done, Rachel's, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

It'll be a dark night for Gotham...make that Ybor...City

Farewell to our Caped Crusader...

A 21-year old who frequented Ybor City dressed fully as Batman was arrested, under a law from 1950s, citing that it is against the law to be masked in a public right of way. Given that this rule was to discourage the Klan from milling around city streets, it seems unfair that the DARK Knight be subjected to this rule.

He was not accompanied by any sidekicks- he no longer has a Batgirl, they "broke up" (real breakup? fell for a Harvey Dent impersonator? turned evil?), and his Robin was nowhere to be found.

If we have an influx of unmasked criminals, we will have only the TPD to blame for this increase in crime.

Pigs v. Pigs

A Taser won't help in this case.

A Hernando County deputy got a report of a wild boar loose on property, and went to assess the situation.

The 450 pound animal was rooting around in the bushes.

Like in so many other situations, Deputy Joseph Tibor chose to use his Taser. Given the thickness of its skin (And perhaps his head), the 50,000 volt jolt was to no avail, and the animal was eventually corralled into a trailer.

A Taser didn't work on a boar? Unlike the pig, I am shocked. And HOORAY FLORIDA!

Life here really is a gas...

$20 worth if you have a car, $40 if you have an SUV or a van.

To sum up, a trio of Tampa residents pumped close to $6500 worth of gas from Hess gas stations, and then sold it to hundreds of people in the Bay Area at the above rates. Undercover officers drilled them, as it were, and now they're facing charges.

Though I must commend them for using Hess- economical, and doesn't get oil from the Middle East.

Well done men, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

The sunshine state...and its dark side.

This project was the original brainchild of several people.

In looking at the news, and offbeat news in particular, it occurred to a few of my friends and myself that an inordinate number came from Florida. Having lived here for 16 years, but also having lived elsewhere, I can't help but identify many of these things as ridiculous :)

Thus, I bring you... Hooray Florida! This blog will feature commentary from myself and friends on news stories that originate from the great state of Florida. Because while we are the Sunshine State, let's face it. Ridiculous exists everywhere.

Enjoy!