my first video hooray! Hooray!

you might be...no, scratch that, you ARE a redneck if

you have anything to do with this parade. For those who are bummed that the Plant City Christmas parade was cancelled this year (though it was later rescheduled to this coming Friday the 19th), take comfort in the fact that the Chumuckla Holiday parade is still going strong this year. Note the "amphibian," a vehicle born when a boat "drove up a bit too far" onto the back of a truck. Or, the "Snowmuckla," a car with a tree fastened to a hole in its roof.

Classy, classy stuff.

So hooray to celebrating that which gives us a bad reputation, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

mommy's boy...

who is trying to get a woman involved in all this.

Attention ladies: if you get involved here, there is an infinitessimally small chance that she will not meddle in your lives.

A woman known only as "Christmas Mother-in-Law" has shelled out 500 dollars for an ad in the Tampa Tribune looking for a wife for Jason, her 37 year old son. He's a Leo who volunteers with Down's Syndrome kids, has no criminal record, and has been looking for Mrs Right since 2003, after a divorce.

The reply address is pastmarked in Virginia. Christmas Mother-in-Law will read every response, respond to each with a thank you card, send all of them to Jason, and he has agreed to meet with each woman who replies.

So far, there have been three responses. And for the record, two of them came from mothers of daughters who they thought would be a perfect match. Now that match-up? That's the stuff of television...or helicopter heaven.

Hooray for helicopter parents, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

It's a McShame.

but it could have been worse...

Vincent Gonzalez is in the custody of the Indian River Jail after hitting his girlfriend in the face with a cheeseburger.

The woman was sitting in a car in front of his house, when he entered the vehicle. They started arguing, but he refused to let her leave the car, causing her to throw his drink out the window for emphasis. His natural response was to hit her in the face with his cheeseburger. They stepped out of the car, where he hit her in the face with the burger again.

Charged with battery domestic violence, Gonzalez remains in jail.

Could have been worse though...could have been a Thickburger. That's close to a pound of meat, pretty serious. 

Hooray for creative fast food defense, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Up on the housetop...

"I need more beer."

A man returned home to Indian River County on Wednesday to find 28-year-old Amber Smith on his roof, drinking beer and clearly intoxicated. 

The man told Smith to get down repeatedly, but she continued to refuse, saying she would get down if she was given more beer.

Apparently, this was her second charge of such a crime, and had been in this neighborhood drinking on the roof before.

She faces a charge of disorderly intoxication.

Hooray for pre-Christmas roof visitors, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Yes, 30 minute delivery is nice...

but this pizza should also have been free.

What's a pizza man to do when he's only got $20 and no gun on him during a delivery?

Use the one weapon that he's got handy.

And not to cause heart disease, either. 

Eric Devaney, 40 (really?) was held up by a trio of teenage armed robbers, and threw the steaming pepperoni pizza at the boys before fleeing the scene and calling the police.

There was no word as to whether or not those who ordered the pizza received a new pizza, or if it was free.

Hooray for pizza man ingenuity, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

I've been remiss in posting...

but the Internet has me, and some co-workers mystified.

Today I submit to you not an article, but an email I received at my desk this morning. The problem must have fixed itself by now, but I'm more concerned about the intent with which the message was sent.


HCC Community,
Please be advised that the College Internet is down. The ISP is working to correct this problem. We will update as progress is made. We apologize for any inconvenience this may be causing.


Sincerely,

Chet Singleton

I'm sure by now you have figured out why this is ridiculous. The message went out via email.

Which uses the Internet.

I wish I could say this was the only occurrence of this I had seen, but it's not. When having Internet connectivity issues in my previous office, the tech was mystified that I had not called him to tell him where my office was, despite, his having emailed me.

So here's to cruising the information superhighway in the breakdown lane, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

(Real update soon, I promise!)

It's Christmas season!

...and the yuletide assaults have started early!

A 37 year old Manatee County man, clearly frustrated with his living situation (he lives with his parents) has lashed out. Or, branched out.

The Parrish resident was charged with assault after he threw a 3 foot Christmas tree at his father.

When the projectile pine narrowly escaped him, he tried again, this time with the 5 lb. tree stand.

The try was thwarted as his parents managed to grab his arms, but no matter. The charge of assault still stands (even without the 5 pound base for help!), despite the man's denial of trying to strike his father.

Technically speaking, he's correct. The tree was trying to strike him.

Happy Holidays to all, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

wigging out, literally.

or, "Does anyone know this guy's last name?"

A 20-year old woman was quite surprised when her former boyfriend rode by her on a bike and snatched off her black wig, sewn to her naturally blond hair. She was walking in Port St. Lucie when the snatching took place- he rode beside her and they started arguing, before he lifted the wig and slapped her in the face.

Needless to say, when the police arrived, her hair was in "disorder." No kidding, that's how it comes when it's got a wig sewn on it.

When asked about the identity of the Wig-burglar, the woman informed the police that she had been living with the man for eight months. However, she didn't know his last name, she could only recall the first letter of it.

While the police were taking an account of the wig-napping, he called her to further stoke the argument presumably.

The cops took the phone and spoke to him, in which he admitted to taking the wig, and then leaving when his former lady started crying.

The cops asked him his last name, and he promptly hung up the phone.

I can see where this would be very frustrating for authorities.

A very frustrating cycle (bicycle), indeed, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

When 2 for 1's are NOT so fun...

...when they add up to nearly 0.2. 

An 18 year old woman in Tampa managed to crash into two cars while driving drunk Saturday morning.

On the same street. 

Within 20 minutes of each other.

Lina Hincapie-Aristizaba's BACs when measured were .160 and .154, respectively.

She was charged with two counts of DUI, and one count of leaving the scene of an accident. However, she was released on $3000 bail.

Sweet lord, I hope they didn't let her drive herself home.

twinkle twinkle baby...

... Dave Chappelle would appreciate this.

The title is in reference to one of the final skits from Chappelle's Show, in which Chappelle sprinkles diamonds on his food, because:

(1) It's the most baller thing you can do to your food, and 

(2) It makes your doo-doo twinkle.

It's affecting the youth, Dave, it's affecting the youth. 

Naples police discovered in an X-ray of 18 year old William Colburn that a $16 pair of earrings had passed through the security checkpoint. (Don't worry, they'll "pass" again). Colburn dropped the earrings into a water bottle before leaving the store; when apprehended outside the store, he drank the water, sending the earrings along with it.

Colburn faces charges of retail theft and tampering with evidence, as well as a painful BM later on.

Fear not Billy Boy, this too shall pass, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

A new use for lube...

that only partially involves wrestling.

Apparently the police have never seen anything like it: a Fort Lauderdale man used a Vaseline-like lubricant to steal an expensive ring right off a woman's hand, in broad daylight.

80 year old Helen Artim was followed in a silver truck by two men, who hit her car from behind and then told her to follow them to check for damage. As she opened the trunk, one of the men used a greased up glove to touch her hand, loosening the ring and allowing him to slide it off. He then wiped her hand off with a towel...before pushing her to the ground, getting back in the truck and speeding off. How sweet.

The ring is valued between $20,000 and $30,000, but no arrest has been made. 

Despite the elaborate nature of this crime, Ft. Lauderdale police acknowledge its uniqueness, remarking that it doesn't appear to be part of a spree-type situation.

So keep your bejeweled hands in your pockets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

My Super Violent Sixteen

...so ladylike, I must say...

Time was, we used to just threaten to call Child Services. We never fought back.

Course, at sixteen, we should have known better.

In Okaloosa County, a father and daughter found themselves in an altercation over an item in a house that had been broken. When the father raised his hand to spank his daughter, she fought back by punching him in the face. She tried to hit him several more times, before leaving the house with friends.

I'm sure she told them as she left, "my father is so embarrassing!" 

*sigh*

Youth...

The daughter is now facing misdemeanor battery charges. May this be more effective than threatening to take away her car keys.

we're going to get a reputation...

for having the most electrifying Code Board meetings around.

Tasers. They're not just for drug addicts, kids on school buses, belligerent college students, or pregnant women anymore.

No, we can now add to that list local government officials. Awesome.

Carl Roland Hayes, a lawyer addressing the Tampa Code Enforcement Board got loud with the group and was Tased as a precaution to calm him down. It had no visible effect, and he was carried away from the meeting by an officer. He slapped the officer as he was being carried out, where a maneuver known as the Drive Stun was used to subdue him enough to carry him out of the meeting without getting bitch-slapped again.

He landed himself in Orient Road Jail, but was released on $4500 bail after getting booked for battering an officer.

This may hurt his case in future Code Board meetings.

Shocking?

Well, yes and no.

Cause when there's a crime at a Taco Bell...

what are the odds it DOESN'T have to do with drugs?

I love this one. It's so appropriate of the reputation associated with Taco Bell.

Jonathan David Lee of Indian River County ended his chase from the Taco Bell in the 1800 block of 42nd Street in Kissimmee, informing the homeowner who eventually gave him asylum, "The police are chasing me for no reason."

Back up a few hours. A deputy walked into a bathroom at the Taco Bell, and saw Lee holding up a tube of white powder to his nose. When the deputy announced he was under arrest, Lee shoved the deputy and pounded his head twice into a wall before escaping on his flight of fancy down the 1800 block.

In retrospect, maybe it was that!

Lee was released on $16,000 bail after being charged with burglary (not sure what for), drug offenses, and resisting arrest. I'm sure next time he'll conduct his business in a White Castle or Krystal.

Or maybe at the home of his new friends who saved him from the chase? 

slow news week...

but this next story will hopefully knock you out.

To preface this, I know of at least one art teacher that would have done this in my class.

It would appear that David Adam Grant, an art teacher at Sundland Elementary School, struck an 8-year old for an unspecified reason. They say only that he "hit the eight-year-old student around his left eye with a loosely closed fist, causing a bruise over the right eye."

While I commend Grant for turning himself in (at least he didn't try to justify it by saying that the student made him do it, like the teacher in Tampa who says he smoked weed because he needed it to deal with his students), I would like to point out that this testimony doesn't actually make sense.

So here's to aggressive art teachers and twisted testimony, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

the more you fart, the better you feel...

but in prison you'll be afraid to kneel.

A 13-year old boy in Stuart, Florida was recently arrested at school for classroom antics. Besides frequently turning off other student's computers, he allegedly "continually disrupted the classroom environment."

By farting.

His intentional wind-breaking was enough to compel his teacher to call the police, who kept him in custody until he confessed about his behavior. He was charged with disruption of a school function (being class?) and was released.

And to further editorialize: if they shook this boy up enough, he may never fart again. Which is dangerous. One book that was apparently not on the shelf in this classroom? THE GAS WE PASS. It tells you about the dangers of holding gas in- stomachaches, headaches, I think the end of the world might be in there too...

Anyway, pass that gas! And HOORAY FLORIDA!

$7,500...$7,500...$7,500 footlong?

doesn't have the same ring to it...

And in another installment of "Things People Get Hit With," I submit to you...the humble sandwich.

Created by the Earl of Sandwich as a means by which to play cards and eat at the same time, it was Tuesday used as a weapon when Emmanuelle Rodriguez, 19, of Port St. Lucie became angered at his girlfriend as they drove to their new apartment on I-95, their sleeping 7 month old in the back.

Rodriguez recounts that he "didn't want to hit her, so he threw a sandwich at her face and knocked her glasses off." Unable to see the road, she nearly lost control of the vehcle, but was able to exit at St. Lucie West and call her mother to pick her up. I'm sure him ripping off the rearview mirror and banging the windshield with it didn't help the vision issue.

He was released on $7,500 bail (hence the title of the article, though it is a misnomer because, and I quote from the article, "the type of sandwich hurled was not specified in the report.")

Another great category of Florida crimes

"Things People Attack Other People With."

A 10-year old boy in Port St. Lucie has proven himself to be pretty badass with a pencil.

Ahmad Ware was incensed when a fellow playmate told him he wouldn't play with him.

His response? A stab in the neck with a sharp pencil. The nub broke off under his skin. 

Not to take the situation lightly, a fellow female playmate in the 1900 block of the neighborhood chucked a coconut at the boy, and his younger brother who was also in the yard.

Ware is facing aggravated battery charges, though he insists that he didn't neck-stab the boy, saying that he only hit him.

I still have led in my hand from the 7th grade when I caught a pencil between my fingers that someone threw to me.

I wonder if such subdermal evidence is admissible in court?

Cheers for living in a state with such badass kids (I blame Chuck Norris), and HOORAY FLORIDA!

the mugshot is the best part

...but the crime is pretty interesting too.

Maverna Teresa Turay burned her sleeping husband in the groin with a pot of scalding hot water in Manatee County. He then was flown to a Tampa hospital for treatment, after running out of the house with second degree burns. Impressive, by the way. 

No motive was given as to why she decided to burn him, but she did volunteer the fact that she had been drinking.

Please note: despite committing a rather rude crime, she looks ELATED. That may be the weirdest part of all.

So thank heavens you're not burned in the groin, as it's already hot as hell down here, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

See? These teachers ARE doing their job

...by teaching the world to not educate their children in Florida.

This just in: 150 Florida teachers have been disciplined for sexual misconduct since 2006.

So no, it does not just seem like it's happening a lot here. It is. 

A phenomenon that has been made public by Debra Lafave and Stephanie Ragusa is spreading here in the Sunshine State, fulfilling the adolescent dreams that are truly the stuff of Van Halen songs.

I will use the remainder of this post to highlight the more notable offenses. It makes me want to send my kids (when I have them) to boarding school in Austria. Vacation spot is stunning, and I know they won't end up in court pointing to an anatomically correct doll.

• "a former Apopka High teacher accused of flashing a teenage student with whom she was having an affair";
• "secretly watching a boy change and shower";
• "a ninth grade student in Tampa who asked a student about the color of her nipples";
• "a Port Orange teacher that sent text messages to a boy, calling him "cutie" and "sexie" (oh, the spelling!_

And to comfort you, please note that this figure of 150 does not include "the number of educators who have been suspended or lost their teaching license for molesting non-students, downloading porn on school computers, having sex in public, and trying to pick up prostitutes. Not to mention offenses committed by substitute teachers. Knowing some of the people I know that have been permitted to substitute teach, this could be a WHOLE lot worse.

So seriously consider home school for your little ones, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Ugh.

Robber and escape car driver...

all in one!

Christopher Reed, 45, was arrested in a FLORIDA TODAY parking lot just a few minutes after being both robber and getaway driver in a bank robbery of the Space Coast Island Credit Union. The kicker? (I used this word for a reason, as you'll soon see) Well, there are a few. 

First, Reed claims he was held at gunpoint by two men, forcing him to commit the robbery on their behalf. He said that the money was given to those men, but was later identified as the only culprit in the crime.

Next, he committed the crime and escaped in a motorized scooter. He only made it about a block away before being apprehended, due to what Officer Vic Desantis calls "a miscalculation of his ability to flee the scene."

Also, he had been drinking (and yes, you can get a DUI in a wheelchair or motorized scooter). Vodka was recovered from his scooter, and contributed to his charges.

AND, (this part's my favorite) he hid the loot in his prosthetic leg. It was later recovered.

Wow. This story just kicked my ass.  

Probably made a hollow thumping noise too. Or jingled with change. Either would be hysterical.

So listen for the whir of a motorized scooter next time you're in line at the bank, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Getting it on at everyday low prices.

But it's turning out to cost him quite a bit.

A 15 year old sits in juvenile detention today after his plan to photograph his girlfriend in a sexy photo shoot went awry.
The reason? The supplies for the shoot were stolen from a nearby Walmart Supercenter. Officer Robert Vega recovered a great deal of stolen merchandise for his sexy spread, including (and this might help those of you formulating Christmas lists):

• a $59.77 camera,
• $14.88 memory card
• $3 pack of AA batteries
• $12.48 wallet (to hold WHAT money?)
• $10 worth of underwear (that may be the sexiest thing of all. Mmmm....Wal-Mart panties...)- one thong and two other sets. Both boy-cut style, though the cheekies are cuter.

He is currently in a juvenile detention center in Fort Pierce. No word as to whether or not this will turn his 16-year old girlfriend on.

Damian is alive and well...

and may be shooting to become an actual mad doctor.

An 11-year old in Fort Pierce hit his mother in the head with a saw, during a struggle in which she was trying to get him to take his medication. Once his pregnant 19-year old sister saw that her mother was bleeding, she urged her to call the police. Realizing what was going on, the 11-year old pleaded with his mother not to phone 911, claiming it was an accident and offering her $5 as an incentive. (Though given the recession, I would have taken it and called anyway.)

Needless to say, she called them anyway, and the boy is awaiting an aggravated battery charge.

I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention some of this young man's other exploits. Among them are a threat to the 19-year old to "give her a C-section" with a fork, and using hairspray and a cigarette lighter to set the family cat on fire.

So hats off to this young man for showing the dangers of improperly medicated children, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Dane Cook fans, here's the thing...

"Christ Chex" aren't actually a thing.

33-year old John Samuel Ricci, of Connecticut, interrupted a church assembly to try and steal communion wafers. 

NOTE: This may actually top the Vienna sausages, of foods I do not deem worthy of stealing.

While no motives were given, at lease seven parishioners were offended enough to hold him down long enough for police to arrive. 

Ricci was charged with two counts of battery, theft and disruption of a religious assembly.

Vienna sausages: worthy of beating people up?

apparently crackheads think so.

Maxie L. Davis of Fort Pierce allegedly punched a woman multiple times, telling her not to "disrespect him in his house." Her crime of disrespect? Opening and eating a can of sardines and Vienna sausages.

There's really not a whole lot else to say about this one, other than this:

Of the episodes of "food related Florida assault" I've seen, this is by far the weirdest, and the most unwarranted. I mean, sardines and Vienna sausages? Seriously?

Florida's greatest love affair...

with Tasers.

Duane Linscott had a pretty impressive record of things that he did in what was supposed to be a routine traffic stop. Rather than try to be poetic, I'm going to list them in hopes that the asinine nature of the situation will speak for itself.

Linscott:

• prematurely braked, in hopes that the officer would hit him, thus slowing down the pursuit and allowing him to escape;
• sideswiped a minivan in an apartment complex before jumping from his moving 1994 Isuzu;
  
• allowed said Isuzu to crash into a tree;
  
• punched, kicked, and pushed the officer before stealing his Taser;
• and was booked for "assault with a deadly weapon (the truck, not the Taser), aggravated fleeing to elude, three charges of battery on an officer, depriving an officer of means of protection, three counts of obstructing or opposing an officer with violence, leaving the scene of a crash with property damage, possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, and driving with a suspended license."

Wow. That's all I've got. I'll actually give this a HOORAY SEFFNER, because I feel they've earned it as a city.

Time was, we used to use oregano for this...

is it actually a crime?

Time now for yet another charge that I did not know was a crime..."possession of a counterfeit controlled substance with intent to deliver." Even if you fake it, they can still arrest you.

The counterfeit substance in this case? Parsley.

A 15 year old in Port St Lucie and his 13 year old friend were headed to the house of a third friend, who they intended to make smoke the fake Mary Jane. Apparently, the third young man had smoked the day before, so they thought they'd try to fake him out.

However, they made the grave error of doing all this during school hours. When they were caught (presumably by a truant officer), they were booked on the charge in question.

See? I learn something new every day!

On this episode of "The Shield"...

in which the shield is a grandfather.

Rashad A. Lee should win some sort of medal for endangering as many people in a domestic situation as possible. He was fighting with his live in girlfriend, when police arrived to mitigate the situation.

When they tried to arrest him, Lee did what was apparently the most logical thing he could think of- he pulled his 72 year old grandfather from the chair he was seated in, and used him as a barrier between himself and the police.

Unharmed, Lee's grandpa was returned to his chair, and Lee was sent to the Hillsborough County jail, where he is currently being housed without bail. No word on the girlfriend, interestingly enough.

So good ingenuity, but watch out for your loved ones Rashad, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

He beat a skin tumor and a cat...

but unfortunately, could not beat cancer :(

Florida lost a great champion this past week in Gus, the 9 year old Chinese crested dog, who succumbed to cancer this week. Despite the money from his 3 time championships going toward his radiation, he was not able to make it through.

His 3 titles? "World's Ugliest Dog."

Apparently Gus' unique look was the result of losing a leg to a skin tumor, and an eye to a cat fight. But he persevered through these challenges to win three national titles at the contest held in Sonoma, California.

So rest in peace Gus, and HOORAY FLORIDA for being home to such a (unique) champion.

A change these parents can believe in...

The need to explain your parents' ridiculousness to your grandkids.

Before our president-elect had even been named, a baby in Hollywood, Florida had been named for him. Sanjae Obama Fisher was born at 8pm, just three hours before the 44th president was officially announced on Tuesday, November 4th.

Like with the baby named Sarah McCain Palin, hospital spokespeople have deemed this the father's idea. Wonder who'd win between the two kids in a playground fight? One would ask for help from his peers, while the other would come out with some maverick ideas, before finding a partner to fight that ultimately just wasn't prepared for the situation.

In any case, welcome to the world Sanjae Obama, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

The whole situation stinks...

hopefully one of his methods of protection was effective.

Against wetness or against the police, not sure.

A 23-year old man caused a lockdown of an apartment building and a school, summoned dogs, and helicopters were called for a search. Now, I'm not sure if this is more ridiculous because it was over 1 can of deodorant spray, or because the gun in question was a BB gun. 

In either case, the Broward County cops who were in charge of the investigation did not realize the gun was a fake, and thus started a full scale pursuit.

The man was eventually found, and is being held on $50,000 for robbery with a weapon.

FL nudists can't tell the naked truth

...in their own polling space.

Residents of the Caliente nudist resort in Pasco County have asked the county Supervisor of Elections to establish a separate polling space for them, so that they can feel comfortable going into pooling spaces sans clothing.

Social awkwardness aside, SOE Brian Corley has more interesting practical concerns:

"Plus, there are more practical considerations. Nothing in state law prohibits a nudist polling place, but how would the clerks and deputies wear their badges?"

So fine, the nudists have to go vote with everyone else. Pasco County residents, think about that in the event you get to sit in the polling space. 

So hats of to the rigid Brian Corley, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

My heart does NOT bleed for her.

Apparently, that's taken care of. F***ing disgusting.

A 27 year old woman was caught fleeing from a Walgreens without paying for a $30 bottle of Elizabeth Arden cologne, along with bright green nail polish and long black fake eyelashes.

While this case could have easily been handled by the Fashion Police, the actual cops tried to get on it. Ermith Emonfils approached the officers with calls of "Sex? Sex?" before resorting to what I can only call "biological warfare."

After this point, I can't even use my own words. I'll use theirs, and properly cite them.

As officers put her in a patrol car, she "grabbed behind her and pointed a well-used and bloody female sanitary napkin" at two officers. 

Both officers told her to drop the well used and bloody female sanitary napkin, but the suspect refused," the affidavit states. "I delivered a firm, lawful command to the suspect to drop the object and told her it was gross."

(TC Palm)

Ho..ly...smokes. 

So I salute you for your f***ing  gross creativity. Course, there's a reason people don't do things like that.

And, though I balk at saying it...HOORAY FLORIDA.

What price do you put on the glory days?

$110,000, maybe?

That is the cost of the bionic hand and arm recently acquired by 18 year old Kasey Edwards, who had the most tangible cost of stupidity I've ever seen.

Eager to recreate a high school stunt, he jumped into a lake in Melbourne at 2:30am, only to feel what he described as "a giant pair of pliers" clamp down on his arm. That "pair of pliers" was apparently attached to an 11 and a half foot alligator. He managed to escape its grip by poking it in the eye, but lost his arm in the disappointingly non-epic battle.

Now, I feel as though there are people more deserving of this type of technology. Not to be rude or judgmental or anything, but that's just how I feel. Chubbs from Happy Gilmore and Captain Hook come to mind. Both are probably very (fictionally) angry that a guy who provoked a gator attack gets such a fancy new arm all the way from Scotland.

In any case, good work on throwing money at an easily avoidable problem Kasey, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

some people would have you "sleep on" the Rays.

they're sleep scientists.

Apparently, drowsy Tampa Bay residents has resulted in the publication of this article, discussing how the greater Tampa Bay area's sleep habits have been disrupted by our stellar performance in baseball.

It would appear that Hillsborough residents are worse about it than Pinellas residents- an extra 1,000 kids were absent from school Monday, the day after the AL pennant was clinched. My thoughts? If they had to make the drive back from St. Pete, the Pinellas kids wouldn't have made it either!

The rest of the article is designed to tell you how bad sleep deprivation is for your health, to nap before watching games, and to make sure you can function while watching the Rays take the World Series.

So to all of you who did sleep in after the Rays clinched,
(1) I wish I were you; and
(2) HOORAY FLORIDA!

"Littering and...."

(one of the few good parts of SuperTroopers, by the way...)
"hypocrisy."

Who is the last person you would expect to see littering?
Besides the obvous answers of Al Gore, Greenzo the fake mascot from 30 Rock, and a tearful Native American, add 37 year old Harvey Bivins to your list. The head of Tampa's Downtown Partnership Clean Team was seen throwing lawn debris and random household items in the streets of a Gibsonton subdivision. He was charged with- another charge I didn't know existed- felony littering.

You think they treated him more roughly because he's...an environmentalist?

He was released from jail for $6,000 bail. I wonder how much jail time he could have gotten from felony littering...

So hats off to Harvey Bivins, so long as he disposes of it properly, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

the real crime?

putting anything from Sweetbay in your pants.

It sounds like a nice place in title, but is among the less clean of grocery stores in Florida.

No matter for a 32 man discovered by an undercover cop, who noticed he appeared to be stuffing groceries in his drawers.

When apprehended, he recovered from his trousers...bags of stolen shrimp.

If it was a compensatory move, God love him. Stealing shrimp...my goodness.

So good work, unidentified man-I wouldn't want to give my name either- and HOORAY FLORIDA!

How do you like them waffles?

How about $547.45 worth?

Say what you want about the Waffle House, or Awful House as we've been known to call it, but you get a good deal for what you pay for.

Well, 66 year old Maryanne O'Neill didn't agree. Her bill at the restaurant came to $7.45, and she refused to pay. The police, when they arrived, informed her that she could either pay her tab or go to jail. She chose the latter, where that breakfast could cost her an extra $500.

Apparently, "obtaining food or lodging with intent to defraud" is a punishable second degree misdemeanor. Now that is brand new information to me. All I know is that if I wanted coffee and a sandwich for $7.45, I would not pick Waffle House.

Maybe that's the lesson...

But seriously, folks...

One of a few serious Hooray moments...

As a Tampa resident, I admittedly haven't really paid a whole lot of attention to the Rays up until now. Between being a die-hard hockey fan, and the propensity for this team to play admittedly forgettable baseball, it's never really been an issue. 

However, I was brought into the excitement of the Rays prior to the season by a former boyfriend, and spent the course of this season honestly growing to enjoy it. I had no way of knowing that this season was going to go the way that it did, and I got swept up in it the same way everyone else did, watching a team that no one expected to do well blow away all expectations.

I was a few blocks away from the Trop tonight when the Rays clinched their playoff berth, and it was huge for us. I never expected for this season to end this way, and I know they didn't either. 

But for Rocco Baldelli, it's more of a life or death situation than anyone else. He's come back to this team after a diagnosis of a mitochondrial disorder in a way that no one thought he would. I'm so happy for him to be able to do this, a year and a half after they really thought this disease would kill him. And it's a battle for him all the time, but I'm really happy to see things like this happen for people who work so hard to earn it.

Best of luck boys, I will be watching!

This one's short, as it only pertains to the title.

It has two meanings!

This particular one is more a commentary on how the St. Petersburg Times, notable for their sports section (one of the 10 best in the country), titles their other articles.

The article is about how Derrick La-Tee Harris, an African American male from Port Richey, has been charged in the murder of his half brother, after calling the police to report his body.

And in their infinite political correctness, they chose to title the article: "Brother arrested in Port Richey slaying."

Let's make this one interactive. In how many ways is this true, and who wants to tell the class why?

So kudos on your sports coverage, tampabay.com, but you get a HOORAY FLORIDA for this hilarious double meaning.

Strippers: breaking the glass ceiling...

...of gentlemen's clubs everywhere.

First, I'd like to point out- big week for strippers in the news!

However, while Rachel's (of the flu shot story) was providing a service to the community, Charles Privette argues that The Booby Trap (classy name, by the way) is a danger to it.

The story goes, as he was receiving a lap dance, a stripper in the Pompano Beach club lost her shoe. It flew into the glass ceiling, shattering it, and causing Privette to sustain cuts to the eyebrow, as well as nosebleed and headaches- likely from the shoe that landed back on his head- from the incidents.

May he think long and hard about going to the strip club again.

That's what she said.

Is that a snake in your mailbox...

Cause it sure wasn't happy to see him.

An Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake (read: very poisonous) attacked a mailman from inside a mailbox in New Tampa last week. Efrain Arranco, in true dedication, was still delivering the mail half an hour later, to ensure that he didn't get fired. 

He refused to call 911, instead finishing his route, driving to the New Tampa mail station, covering his bloody hand, and calmly announcing upon his return, "Brenda, I've been bitten by a snake."

(1) This is BADASS. 66 years old, and refused to go to the emergency room. I admire his dedication.

(2) While this snake was between 12-14 inches long, these snakes can grow to five or five and a half feet long. Turns out in addition to being the lightning capital of the world, and the home of miraculous sporting turnarounds, we also house the natural habitat of the largest venomous snakes in North America.

(3) The interesting part of this story? It gradually turns from the bravery of the man that was bitten...to a detailed account of how his boss, who paid attention at first aid training, kept him from dying at the post office. Kudos Brenda, you get a cookie for paying attention during training.

And as someone who lives less than two tenths of a mile from where this happened, I don't really feel like checking the mail anymore.

So hats off to your badass-ness, Senor Arranco, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Were you aware?

McDonald's classifies their customers in the same categories as are used to classify drug users.

And apparently, for good reason.

In Vero Beach, the police reported that Shawn Pannullo using a wad of something green to pay for his meal at the McDonald's drive thru.

Needless to say, it was not cash.

There's no word as to what he ordered, or if he did end up paying before he got arrested, but let that be a lesson to you.

Don't try to pay for fast food with weed, Shawn. 

The exchange rate may be better, but it's just risky.

May you be lovin' it in jail, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

This is sick. And not flu sick...

And after we go to the trouble to AVOID needles at this place...

Rachel's, an establishment in Casselberry, thought they were doing the public a service when they offered free flu shots to seniors in the community.

However, I should also mention that Rachel's is a strip club.
There are many places you should avoid needles at all costs. The two most notable that I can think of are bathrooms in the 1980s, and strip clubs.

Seriously, those seniors are old enough to know better.
Maybe they were blinded by the free pot roast meal that also came with the shots.
You can say lots of things about old people, but they will take a free meal when offered. Regardless of the origin, apparently.

So well done, Rachel's, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

It'll be a dark night for Gotham...make that Ybor...City

Farewell to our Caped Crusader...

A 21-year old who frequented Ybor City dressed fully as Batman was arrested, under a law from 1950s, citing that it is against the law to be masked in a public right of way. Given that this rule was to discourage the Klan from milling around city streets, it seems unfair that the DARK Knight be subjected to this rule.

He was not accompanied by any sidekicks- he no longer has a Batgirl, they "broke up" (real breakup? fell for a Harvey Dent impersonator? turned evil?), and his Robin was nowhere to be found.

If we have an influx of unmasked criminals, we will have only the TPD to blame for this increase in crime.

Pigs v. Pigs

A Taser won't help in this case.

A Hernando County deputy got a report of a wild boar loose on property, and went to assess the situation.

The 450 pound animal was rooting around in the bushes.

Like in so many other situations, Deputy Joseph Tibor chose to use his Taser. Given the thickness of its skin (And perhaps his head), the 50,000 volt jolt was to no avail, and the animal was eventually corralled into a trailer.

A Taser didn't work on a boar? Unlike the pig, I am shocked. And HOORAY FLORIDA!

Life here really is a gas...

$20 worth if you have a car, $40 if you have an SUV or a van.

To sum up, a trio of Tampa residents pumped close to $6500 worth of gas from Hess gas stations, and then sold it to hundreds of people in the Bay Area at the above rates. Undercover officers drilled them, as it were, and now they're facing charges.

Though I must commend them for using Hess- economical, and doesn't get oil from the Middle East.

Well done men, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

The sunshine state...and its dark side.

This project was the original brainchild of several people.

In looking at the news, and offbeat news in particular, it occurred to a few of my friends and myself that an inordinate number came from Florida. Having lived here for 16 years, but also having lived elsewhere, I can't help but identify many of these things as ridiculous :)

Thus, I bring you... Hooray Florida! This blog will feature commentary from myself and friends on news stories that originate from the great state of Florida. Because while we are the Sunshine State, let's face it. Ridiculous exists everywhere.

Enjoy!