james moore, i'm speaking to you now.
bay county deputies arrived at moore's house at 7am to settle a money dispute. he was in a situation where the house should not have been checked, or drugs would have been found.
his coverup? "oh, i haven't smoked meth in four days."
sensing that something was up (good work, bay county!), they asked moore to take a drug test. and in his apparent infinite wisdom, moore refused. and offered this tidbit: "i will fail the drug test. i will tell you what i'll test positive for."
so moore and his girlfriend kim smith (who, for the record, hadn't smoked meth in "three or four days") were arrested and charged with more crimes than the police showed up for- child neglect and possession of drug paraphernalia. why? it was discovered that they had been cooking meth around their baby.
classy.
hooray for meth-fueled misspeaking, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
beta hall, lock your doors.
the boxerman's coming for you.
a resident of USF's beta hall woke up to an unusual and probably terrifying sight: a boxer-clad man touching her face. when her roommate awoke, daniel boliek of coral springs fled, making a scene as he left the building.
the scene included removing what little clothing he had left on, pretending to shoot an RA with his fingers in the shape of a gun, tried punching a person but instead pushing her backward, and then "suckerpunching" the arresting officer. the final act led to his being pepper spray.
seemingly undeterred, he faked an offensive gesture (i'll draw some lines as to what i talk about, as i do work for these people...) and then fled the residence hall. boliek was apprehended at about 6am. whether he was clothed or not, i don't know.
he remains in jail. hopefully he's in a cell by himself.
in any case, hooray for horrifying hall harrassment, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a resident of USF's beta hall woke up to an unusual and probably terrifying sight: a boxer-clad man touching her face. when her roommate awoke, daniel boliek of coral springs fled, making a scene as he left the building.
the scene included removing what little clothing he had left on, pretending to shoot an RA with his fingers in the shape of a gun, tried punching a person but instead pushing her backward, and then "suckerpunching" the arresting officer. the final act led to his being pepper spray.
seemingly undeterred, he faked an offensive gesture (i'll draw some lines as to what i talk about, as i do work for these people...) and then fled the residence hall. boliek was apprehended at about 6am. whether he was clothed or not, i don't know.
he remains in jail. hopefully he's in a cell by himself.
in any case, hooray for horrifying hall harrassment, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
this sex ended with a bang...
well, four bangs and two 911 calls.
wade edwards must have known something was going on when he walked into his daughter's room . and sure enough, the 16 year old girl was having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend, julian harp. so he did what any concerned father would. he closed the door, returned with a loaded handgun, and shot harp 4 times.
harp managed to limp out of the house to call 911, while edwards called 911 to turn himself in for the crime. apopka police say that it is one of the most unique crimes of passion they've seen, while neighbors say that he overreacted, but was at the same time justified. not sure how that makes sense...
in any case, hooray for breaking up banging with bullets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
wade edwards must have known something was going on when he walked into his daughter's room . and sure enough, the 16 year old girl was having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend, julian harp. so he did what any concerned father would. he closed the door, returned with a loaded handgun, and shot harp 4 times.
harp managed to limp out of the house to call 911, while edwards called 911 to turn himself in for the crime. apopka police say that it is one of the most unique crimes of passion they've seen, while neighbors say that he overreacted, but was at the same time justified. not sure how that makes sense...
in any case, hooray for breaking up banging with bullets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
try to ride this bike with no handlebars.
those ones belong to me!
imagine losing your bike to a burglar, and going on craigslist to find a new one. them imagine scrolling through listings only to find your own bike for sale. for well over a hundred dollars less than yours is worth, and knowing that it's yours because of the custom handlebars.
now you, my friend, are in the mindset of our victim.
michael anthony tribble of riverview was arrested and charged with burglary, after he was discovered as the seller of the bike, identified on craigslist because of the custom handlebars. a pair of officers set up a sting at a sweetbay supermarket to catch the burglar. after a match of serial numbers and a brief chase, tribble was caught and the bike was returned.
so hooray for blundering bike burglars, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
imagine losing your bike to a burglar, and going on craigslist to find a new one. them imagine scrolling through listings only to find your own bike for sale. for well over a hundred dollars less than yours is worth, and knowing that it's yours because of the custom handlebars.
now you, my friend, are in the mindset of our victim.
michael anthony tribble of riverview was arrested and charged with burglary, after he was discovered as the seller of the bike, identified on craigslist because of the custom handlebars. a pair of officers set up a sting at a sweetbay supermarket to catch the burglar. after a match of serial numbers and a brief chase, tribble was caught and the bike was returned.
so hooray for blundering bike burglars, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
admittedly, this is a new one.
"sorry officer, but my tooth hurt..."
striking a flagpole, fire hydrant, and bus bench while losing control of a vehicle is pretty impressive.
even more impressive if you're not under the influence of alcohol.
yet a 33 year old bradenton woman was flown to a local hospital with pretty serious injuries after losing control of her vehicle, according to the bradenton police department. while she's there, she should probably have someone look at her tooth.
yes, her tooth. the excruciating pain of an abscessed tooth was allegedly the cause for such a catastrophic accident. the crash remains under investigation, but with no other cars involved, she may be telling the truth.
so hooray for crashes caused by cantankerous cuspids, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
striking a flagpole, fire hydrant, and bus bench while losing control of a vehicle is pretty impressive.
even more impressive if you're not under the influence of alcohol.
yet a 33 year old bradenton woman was flown to a local hospital with pretty serious injuries after losing control of her vehicle, according to the bradenton police department. while she's there, she should probably have someone look at her tooth.
yes, her tooth. the excruciating pain of an abscessed tooth was allegedly the cause for such a catastrophic accident. the crash remains under investigation, but with no other cars involved, she may be telling the truth.
so hooray for crashes caused by cantankerous cuspids, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i didn't realize it...
but this might be the most "florida" story i've ever read.
along with a lot of snowbirds, we have a second population that booms in the state of florida: feral pigs. called "creepy" by many residents, the pigs can be as large as 3 feet tall, and 200 pounds. we have the spanish settlers in the 1500s to thank for their proliferation here, and now the population is out of control.
the south florida water management district has a solution. shoot 'em. more specifically, let children shoot 'em.
20 students, including 9 year old cecelia plummer, are embarking on an expedition to a manatee county reserve to hunt and kill the pigs, thus reducing the population in the wild. swiftmud held an essay contest to recruit the students, who will be of ages 8-16
the hunt began three years ago, with an expanded focus to include deer and wild turkey. kenny barker, a youth hunt coordinator, believes that this is helping to reinstitute a dying tradition in the state: children with guns. "this is a part of our heritage here in Florida, and we've lost a couple of generations of hunters," said Barker. "this is an effort to recruit and retain some new hunters for our future. kids need to learn that food doesn't come from a grocery store."
little cecelia is excited about that part. she's already learned to shoot a gun and made a couple bulls-eyes. and her goal when she catches her pig?
"that's easy, make more bacon out of it."
so hooray for a boon in barbaric ways to make bacon, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
along with a lot of snowbirds, we have a second population that booms in the state of florida: feral pigs. called "creepy" by many residents, the pigs can be as large as 3 feet tall, and 200 pounds. we have the spanish settlers in the 1500s to thank for their proliferation here, and now the population is out of control.
the south florida water management district has a solution. shoot 'em. more specifically, let children shoot 'em.
20 students, including 9 year old cecelia plummer, are embarking on an expedition to a manatee county reserve to hunt and kill the pigs, thus reducing the population in the wild. swiftmud held an essay contest to recruit the students, who will be of ages 8-16
the hunt began three years ago, with an expanded focus to include deer and wild turkey. kenny barker, a youth hunt coordinator, believes that this is helping to reinstitute a dying tradition in the state: children with guns. "this is a part of our heritage here in Florida, and we've lost a couple of generations of hunters," said Barker. "this is an effort to recruit and retain some new hunters for our future. kids need to learn that food doesn't come from a grocery store."
little cecelia is excited about that part. she's already learned to shoot a gun and made a couple bulls-eyes. and her goal when she catches her pig?
"that's easy, make more bacon out of it."
so hooray for a boon in barbaric ways to make bacon, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
tour de pants?
[insert bicycle shorts jokes here]
richard irby attracts attention when he rides a bike. maybe it's his superior form. maybe it's a flashy helmet. or maybe it's the fact that up until a few days ago, he was riding close to naked.
55 year old irby had been reported seen riding his bike in a thong, "business" out for the world to see, on august 17th. in less than a week, two more incidents were reported to the leon county police department.
however, he managed to get himself out of trouble with an agreement to stay out of trouble for three months, out of the thong forever...and a pair of bike shorts. irby made sure to point out that his new athletic wear came down to his knees.
so hooray for curious cycling clothing, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
richard irby attracts attention when he rides a bike. maybe it's his superior form. maybe it's a flashy helmet. or maybe it's the fact that up until a few days ago, he was riding close to naked.
55 year old irby had been reported seen riding his bike in a thong, "business" out for the world to see, on august 17th. in less than a week, two more incidents were reported to the leon county police department.
however, he managed to get himself out of trouble with an agreement to stay out of trouble for three months, out of the thong forever...and a pair of bike shorts. irby made sure to point out that his new athletic wear came down to his knees.
so hooray for curious cycling clothing, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, October 5, 2009
adding to the odd animal hall of fame...
"i'm tired of these mother f***ing emus on my motherf***ing yard!"
let me first say that i have dealt with an emu, and i hate them. one almost bit off my 9-year old finger on vacation in australia. it sucked.
that said, i was at a zoo. if there's an emu in my yard, or somewhere that i know it's not going to be properly controlled, i'm staying inside.
not so for a woman in the panhandle, who chose to go outside and attempt to corral it for animal control to pick up and take to a shelter. she escaped with only a cut on the arm, and hopefully bruised pride. because i'm not touching wild animals.
so hooray for egregious emu encounters, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
let me first say that i have dealt with an emu, and i hate them. one almost bit off my 9-year old finger on vacation in australia. it sucked.
that said, i was at a zoo. if there's an emu in my yard, or somewhere that i know it's not going to be properly controlled, i'm staying inside.
not so for a woman in the panhandle, who chose to go outside and attempt to corral it for animal control to pick up and take to a shelter. she escaped with only a cut on the arm, and hopefully bruised pride. because i'm not touching wild animals.
so hooray for egregious emu encounters, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
citizen's arrest, courtesy of the grammar police.
you had to know i was going to cover this.
the last part of this letter says "i would like to stay anonymous." oh, sweetheart...of course you do.
a few days prior to this, the tampa bay times published an article about obama's initiative to extend the school year. a junior from pasco county responded with a letter to the editor, stating vehement disapproval for the measure. i'm copying it in its entirety for you here.
i could go on about how there's a very good reason why this is as upsetting as it is, or even talk about my belief as to how the fact that i'm not that older, but can understand why this is wrong, is terrible. but i won't. i honestly don't have any snark for this one. it takes care of itself.
hooray florida, indeed.
Editor’s note: On Monday, tbt* published a story describing President Obama’s desire to increase the number of days U.S. children go to school each year. A junior at a Pasco high school e-mailed the following response — with the subject line “why dose nobody ask the students’’ — to tbt*. It is printed here, unedited:
Dear “tbt” editor of which it may concern I’m a student of pasco county a junior to be precise and pleas do not mistake this for a Dear Abby segment I am not a 40 year old women concerned about her felines. I am just appalled as a member of the student body that in ever y in other words the only article I could find of president Obahmas plan to extend the school year, school days, and even rumored around school of making us work weekends that they have not a single students opinion on the subject.
more so that they believe that the school boards “research” should stand as good evidence of the improvement in our “higher achievement”. a very intelligent man once said if you obser ve you have therefor changed the out come (now notice I didn’t abbreviate that phrase as I did the other stated phrases that’s because it’s not exact not as an insult to any of the readers but some would use this against the students to further there pointless war against other country’s grade average).
at any rate not only do I believe it to be unreliable research but I also believe it dose not properly address to how our mind will adjust to the added stress. now personally I don’t ge t what in heavens name these people they put in these articles have to do with the students spending more time in school it’s not like there stuck in the classroom ding the extra work the teachers prepare to compensate for the extra time. are they siting first row in this teenage bomb they’re building.
the plan reducing summer well first why don’t they come clean that they all ready reduced it we’re only on vacation for two months give or take a few days and for years they lied to our faces saying we have three months vaca.
to sum it all up I just wish he public the pollutions the school board the reporters would address us on things that affect US not them now granted there may have been a segment on the news some were that addressed students about it but if there was did you even pay attention. and let me end this by saying the subduction of certain rights in order to maintain the learning enviorment making your usage of the 1 st amendment right lesser then you would have in normal society is the same as removing them at the front step!
(I would like to stay anonymous)
the last part of this letter says "i would like to stay anonymous." oh, sweetheart...of course you do.
a few days prior to this, the tampa bay times published an article about obama's initiative to extend the school year. a junior from pasco county responded with a letter to the editor, stating vehement disapproval for the measure. i'm copying it in its entirety for you here.
i could go on about how there's a very good reason why this is as upsetting as it is, or even talk about my belief as to how the fact that i'm not that older, but can understand why this is wrong, is terrible. but i won't. i honestly don't have any snark for this one. it takes care of itself.
hooray florida, indeed.
Editor’s note: On Monday, tbt* published a story describing President Obama’s desire to increase the number of days U.S. children go to school each year. A junior at a Pasco high school e-mailed the following response — with the subject line “why dose nobody ask the students’’ — to tbt*. It is printed here, unedited:
Dear “tbt” editor of which it may concern I’m a student of pasco county a junior to be precise and pleas do not mistake this for a Dear Abby segment I am not a 40 year old women concerned about her felines. I am just appalled as a member of the student body that in ever y in other words the only article I could find of president Obahmas plan to extend the school year, school days, and even rumored around school of making us work weekends that they have not a single students opinion on the subject.
more so that they believe that the school boards “research” should stand as good evidence of the improvement in our “higher achievement”. a very intelligent man once said if you obser ve you have therefor changed the out come (now notice I didn’t abbreviate that phrase as I did the other stated phrases that’s because it’s not exact not as an insult to any of the readers but some would use this against the students to further there pointless war against other country’s grade average).
at any rate not only do I believe it to be unreliable research but I also believe it dose not properly address to how our mind will adjust to the added stress. now personally I don’t ge t what in heavens name these people they put in these articles have to do with the students spending more time in school it’s not like there stuck in the classroom ding the extra work the teachers prepare to compensate for the extra time. are they siting first row in this teenage bomb they’re building.
the plan reducing summer well first why don’t they come clean that they all ready reduced it we’re only on vacation for two months give or take a few days and for years they lied to our faces saying we have three months vaca.
to sum it all up I just wish he public the pollutions the school board the reporters would address us on things that affect US not them now granted there may have been a segment on the news some were that addressed students about it but if there was did you even pay attention. and let me end this by saying the subduction of certain rights in order to maintain the learning enviorment making your usage of the 1 st amendment right lesser then you would have in normal society is the same as removing them at the front step!
(I would like to stay anonymous)
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