don't show, don't tell.

no one's getting a brand new bag.

a tamarac preschool now bans the use of bookbags and backpacks for their students, after an unwelcome surprise turned up for show and tell.

a 4-year old unearthed a plastic baggie from his belongings wednesday, casually remarking, "that's my brother's weed." indeed, the boy's 21-year old brother had stashed his, well, stash, in his younger brother's school bag. however, the boy then changed his story, saying he found it on a table in his brother's room.

so now, the rule is no backpacks. and you'd think a "no weed" rule would suffice.

so hooray for prevention of pediatric potheads, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

a blunt a day

keeps the burglars away.

so imagine you were the driver of this truck. you're pulled over by the police, who uncover your cargo to find seventeen pot plants in the bed. how likely is it that your response would be, "i didn't want the burglars to get it?"

well, keep in mind that this excuse DOES NOT WORK.

a 26 year old man was arrested after receiving a tip that two men were moving plants into a truck. the 26 year old was charged with cultivating marijuana. the truck's driver was charged with possession of marijuana. he protested this, saying that he was only driving because his friend's license was suspended.

surprisingly, this didn't work.

the men were released on bond, but nothing was said about what happened to the burglars from the previous evening.

hooray for misguided marijuana moving, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

he'd lose his tires if they weren't attached to his car...

and apparently even if they were.

a largo man was released on $500 bail after a unique DUI experience.
besides driving under the influence with a 0.2 BAC reading, he was only driving on three wheels. his rear passenger tire was nowhere to be found. strangely enough, the police reported that the man had bloodshot eyes and uneven balance.

if i was driving on three wheels, my balance would be uneven too.

in any case, hooray for unknown wheel whereabouts, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

a McMergency.

kelly hammond, this one's for you.

i play a game with my friend kelly, in which we try to fit "Mc" as a prefix to words that don't require it. i'll try to do that with this story. i won't make it too long in case it gets distracting.

latreasa goodman is really McPassionate about her McNuggets.
so much so, that she deemed it a McMergency when her Fort Pierce Golden Arches had a McShortage.

it would appear that goodman McOrdered her nuggets, and was told after she paid that they were out. she was refused a McRefund, and became enraged. this next part i'll lift directly from the article:

When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one."

it was a McShame for goodman though- not only did the police not retrieve her refund, but they also cited her for misuse of the Mc911 system.

how sweet it is to be back.

but not as sweet as this.

a 65 year old fort pierce man was willing to do a lot for a klondike bar. that included shoving it down his pants at a texaco station. not the best place to keep it, given its relative temperature.
concerned about his chances of being picked up for shoplifting, he removed it, flattened though it was, and offered the gas station attendant $69 to keep this whole thing a secret.

if he had $69, why bother to steal the novelty? just saying.

in any case, it didn't work, and he's now in jail on $500 bail.

delicious.