though not really funny, just WEIRD.
early friday morning, andrew grande ran from the scene of an alleged physical disturbance in panama city beach. when confronted by investigators, he was seen trying to shove a bag of something in his mouth. turns out it was weed.
grande then managed to briefly break the grip of the officers trying to restrain him, only to be caught with handcuffs and then tasered.
only after grande was tasered did they realize the 23-year old was choking. attempts at the heimlich maneuver failed, and he was pronounced dead at the hospital the officers took him to.
so hooray for thwarting THC time via taser, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
some people just shouldn't talk.
james moore, i'm speaking to you now.
bay county deputies arrived at moore's house at 7am to settle a money dispute. he was in a situation where the house should not have been checked, or drugs would have been found.
his coverup? "oh, i haven't smoked meth in four days."
sensing that something was up (good work, bay county!), they asked moore to take a drug test. and in his apparent infinite wisdom, moore refused. and offered this tidbit: "i will fail the drug test. i will tell you what i'll test positive for."
so moore and his girlfriend kim smith (who, for the record, hadn't smoked meth in "three or four days") were arrested and charged with more crimes than the police showed up for- child neglect and possession of drug paraphernalia. why? it was discovered that they had been cooking meth around their baby.
classy.
hooray for meth-fueled misspeaking, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
bay county deputies arrived at moore's house at 7am to settle a money dispute. he was in a situation where the house should not have been checked, or drugs would have been found.
his coverup? "oh, i haven't smoked meth in four days."
sensing that something was up (good work, bay county!), they asked moore to take a drug test. and in his apparent infinite wisdom, moore refused. and offered this tidbit: "i will fail the drug test. i will tell you what i'll test positive for."
so moore and his girlfriend kim smith (who, for the record, hadn't smoked meth in "three or four days") were arrested and charged with more crimes than the police showed up for- child neglect and possession of drug paraphernalia. why? it was discovered that they had been cooking meth around their baby.
classy.
hooray for meth-fueled misspeaking, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
beta hall, lock your doors.
the boxerman's coming for you.
a resident of USF's beta hall woke up to an unusual and probably terrifying sight: a boxer-clad man touching her face. when her roommate awoke, daniel boliek of coral springs fled, making a scene as he left the building.
the scene included removing what little clothing he had left on, pretending to shoot an RA with his fingers in the shape of a gun, tried punching a person but instead pushing her backward, and then "suckerpunching" the arresting officer. the final act led to his being pepper spray.
seemingly undeterred, he faked an offensive gesture (i'll draw some lines as to what i talk about, as i do work for these people...) and then fled the residence hall. boliek was apprehended at about 6am. whether he was clothed or not, i don't know.
he remains in jail. hopefully he's in a cell by himself.
in any case, hooray for horrifying hall harrassment, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a resident of USF's beta hall woke up to an unusual and probably terrifying sight: a boxer-clad man touching her face. when her roommate awoke, daniel boliek of coral springs fled, making a scene as he left the building.
the scene included removing what little clothing he had left on, pretending to shoot an RA with his fingers in the shape of a gun, tried punching a person but instead pushing her backward, and then "suckerpunching" the arresting officer. the final act led to his being pepper spray.
seemingly undeterred, he faked an offensive gesture (i'll draw some lines as to what i talk about, as i do work for these people...) and then fled the residence hall. boliek was apprehended at about 6am. whether he was clothed or not, i don't know.
he remains in jail. hopefully he's in a cell by himself.
in any case, hooray for horrifying hall harrassment, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
this sex ended with a bang...
well, four bangs and two 911 calls.
wade edwards must have known something was going on when he walked into his daughter's room . and sure enough, the 16 year old girl was having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend, julian harp. so he did what any concerned father would. he closed the door, returned with a loaded handgun, and shot harp 4 times.
harp managed to limp out of the house to call 911, while edwards called 911 to turn himself in for the crime. apopka police say that it is one of the most unique crimes of passion they've seen, while neighbors say that he overreacted, but was at the same time justified. not sure how that makes sense...
in any case, hooray for breaking up banging with bullets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
wade edwards must have known something was going on when he walked into his daughter's room . and sure enough, the 16 year old girl was having sex with her 18 year old boyfriend, julian harp. so he did what any concerned father would. he closed the door, returned with a loaded handgun, and shot harp 4 times.
harp managed to limp out of the house to call 911, while edwards called 911 to turn himself in for the crime. apopka police say that it is one of the most unique crimes of passion they've seen, while neighbors say that he overreacted, but was at the same time justified. not sure how that makes sense...
in any case, hooray for breaking up banging with bullets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
try to ride this bike with no handlebars.
those ones belong to me!
imagine losing your bike to a burglar, and going on craigslist to find a new one. them imagine scrolling through listings only to find your own bike for sale. for well over a hundred dollars less than yours is worth, and knowing that it's yours because of the custom handlebars.
now you, my friend, are in the mindset of our victim.
michael anthony tribble of riverview was arrested and charged with burglary, after he was discovered as the seller of the bike, identified on craigslist because of the custom handlebars. a pair of officers set up a sting at a sweetbay supermarket to catch the burglar. after a match of serial numbers and a brief chase, tribble was caught and the bike was returned.
so hooray for blundering bike burglars, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
imagine losing your bike to a burglar, and going on craigslist to find a new one. them imagine scrolling through listings only to find your own bike for sale. for well over a hundred dollars less than yours is worth, and knowing that it's yours because of the custom handlebars.
now you, my friend, are in the mindset of our victim.
michael anthony tribble of riverview was arrested and charged with burglary, after he was discovered as the seller of the bike, identified on craigslist because of the custom handlebars. a pair of officers set up a sting at a sweetbay supermarket to catch the burglar. after a match of serial numbers and a brief chase, tribble was caught and the bike was returned.
so hooray for blundering bike burglars, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
admittedly, this is a new one.
"sorry officer, but my tooth hurt..."
striking a flagpole, fire hydrant, and bus bench while losing control of a vehicle is pretty impressive.
even more impressive if you're not under the influence of alcohol.
yet a 33 year old bradenton woman was flown to a local hospital with pretty serious injuries after losing control of her vehicle, according to the bradenton police department. while she's there, she should probably have someone look at her tooth.
yes, her tooth. the excruciating pain of an abscessed tooth was allegedly the cause for such a catastrophic accident. the crash remains under investigation, but with no other cars involved, she may be telling the truth.
so hooray for crashes caused by cantankerous cuspids, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
striking a flagpole, fire hydrant, and bus bench while losing control of a vehicle is pretty impressive.
even more impressive if you're not under the influence of alcohol.
yet a 33 year old bradenton woman was flown to a local hospital with pretty serious injuries after losing control of her vehicle, according to the bradenton police department. while she's there, she should probably have someone look at her tooth.
yes, her tooth. the excruciating pain of an abscessed tooth was allegedly the cause for such a catastrophic accident. the crash remains under investigation, but with no other cars involved, she may be telling the truth.
so hooray for crashes caused by cantankerous cuspids, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i didn't realize it...
but this might be the most "florida" story i've ever read.
along with a lot of snowbirds, we have a second population that booms in the state of florida: feral pigs. called "creepy" by many residents, the pigs can be as large as 3 feet tall, and 200 pounds. we have the spanish settlers in the 1500s to thank for their proliferation here, and now the population is out of control.
the south florida water management district has a solution. shoot 'em. more specifically, let children shoot 'em.
20 students, including 9 year old cecelia plummer, are embarking on an expedition to a manatee county reserve to hunt and kill the pigs, thus reducing the population in the wild. swiftmud held an essay contest to recruit the students, who will be of ages 8-16
the hunt began three years ago, with an expanded focus to include deer and wild turkey. kenny barker, a youth hunt coordinator, believes that this is helping to reinstitute a dying tradition in the state: children with guns. "this is a part of our heritage here in Florida, and we've lost a couple of generations of hunters," said Barker. "this is an effort to recruit and retain some new hunters for our future. kids need to learn that food doesn't come from a grocery store."
little cecelia is excited about that part. she's already learned to shoot a gun and made a couple bulls-eyes. and her goal when she catches her pig?
"that's easy, make more bacon out of it."
so hooray for a boon in barbaric ways to make bacon, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
along with a lot of snowbirds, we have a second population that booms in the state of florida: feral pigs. called "creepy" by many residents, the pigs can be as large as 3 feet tall, and 200 pounds. we have the spanish settlers in the 1500s to thank for their proliferation here, and now the population is out of control.
the south florida water management district has a solution. shoot 'em. more specifically, let children shoot 'em.
20 students, including 9 year old cecelia plummer, are embarking on an expedition to a manatee county reserve to hunt and kill the pigs, thus reducing the population in the wild. swiftmud held an essay contest to recruit the students, who will be of ages 8-16
the hunt began three years ago, with an expanded focus to include deer and wild turkey. kenny barker, a youth hunt coordinator, believes that this is helping to reinstitute a dying tradition in the state: children with guns. "this is a part of our heritage here in Florida, and we've lost a couple of generations of hunters," said Barker. "this is an effort to recruit and retain some new hunters for our future. kids need to learn that food doesn't come from a grocery store."
little cecelia is excited about that part. she's already learned to shoot a gun and made a couple bulls-eyes. and her goal when she catches her pig?
"that's easy, make more bacon out of it."
so hooray for a boon in barbaric ways to make bacon, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
tour de pants?
[insert bicycle shorts jokes here]
richard irby attracts attention when he rides a bike. maybe it's his superior form. maybe it's a flashy helmet. or maybe it's the fact that up until a few days ago, he was riding close to naked.
55 year old irby had been reported seen riding his bike in a thong, "business" out for the world to see, on august 17th. in less than a week, two more incidents were reported to the leon county police department.
however, he managed to get himself out of trouble with an agreement to stay out of trouble for three months, out of the thong forever...and a pair of bike shorts. irby made sure to point out that his new athletic wear came down to his knees.
so hooray for curious cycling clothing, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
richard irby attracts attention when he rides a bike. maybe it's his superior form. maybe it's a flashy helmet. or maybe it's the fact that up until a few days ago, he was riding close to naked.
55 year old irby had been reported seen riding his bike in a thong, "business" out for the world to see, on august 17th. in less than a week, two more incidents were reported to the leon county police department.
however, he managed to get himself out of trouble with an agreement to stay out of trouble for three months, out of the thong forever...and a pair of bike shorts. irby made sure to point out that his new athletic wear came down to his knees.
so hooray for curious cycling clothing, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, October 5, 2009
adding to the odd animal hall of fame...
"i'm tired of these mother f***ing emus on my motherf***ing yard!"
let me first say that i have dealt with an emu, and i hate them. one almost bit off my 9-year old finger on vacation in australia. it sucked.
that said, i was at a zoo. if there's an emu in my yard, or somewhere that i know it's not going to be properly controlled, i'm staying inside.
not so for a woman in the panhandle, who chose to go outside and attempt to corral it for animal control to pick up and take to a shelter. she escaped with only a cut on the arm, and hopefully bruised pride. because i'm not touching wild animals.
so hooray for egregious emu encounters, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
let me first say that i have dealt with an emu, and i hate them. one almost bit off my 9-year old finger on vacation in australia. it sucked.
that said, i was at a zoo. if there's an emu in my yard, or somewhere that i know it's not going to be properly controlled, i'm staying inside.
not so for a woman in the panhandle, who chose to go outside and attempt to corral it for animal control to pick up and take to a shelter. she escaped with only a cut on the arm, and hopefully bruised pride. because i'm not touching wild animals.
so hooray for egregious emu encounters, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
citizen's arrest, courtesy of the grammar police.
you had to know i was going to cover this.
the last part of this letter says "i would like to stay anonymous." oh, sweetheart...of course you do.
a few days prior to this, the tampa bay times published an article about obama's initiative to extend the school year. a junior from pasco county responded with a letter to the editor, stating vehement disapproval for the measure. i'm copying it in its entirety for you here.
i could go on about how there's a very good reason why this is as upsetting as it is, or even talk about my belief as to how the fact that i'm not that older, but can understand why this is wrong, is terrible. but i won't. i honestly don't have any snark for this one. it takes care of itself.
hooray florida, indeed.
Editor’s note: On Monday, tbt* published a story describing President Obama’s desire to increase the number of days U.S. children go to school each year. A junior at a Pasco high school e-mailed the following response — with the subject line “why dose nobody ask the students’’ — to tbt*. It is printed here, unedited:
Dear “tbt” editor of which it may concern I’m a student of pasco county a junior to be precise and pleas do not mistake this for a Dear Abby segment I am not a 40 year old women concerned about her felines. I am just appalled as a member of the student body that in ever y in other words the only article I could find of president Obahmas plan to extend the school year, school days, and even rumored around school of making us work weekends that they have not a single students opinion on the subject.
more so that they believe that the school boards “research” should stand as good evidence of the improvement in our “higher achievement”. a very intelligent man once said if you obser ve you have therefor changed the out come (now notice I didn’t abbreviate that phrase as I did the other stated phrases that’s because it’s not exact not as an insult to any of the readers but some would use this against the students to further there pointless war against other country’s grade average).
at any rate not only do I believe it to be unreliable research but I also believe it dose not properly address to how our mind will adjust to the added stress. now personally I don’t ge t what in heavens name these people they put in these articles have to do with the students spending more time in school it’s not like there stuck in the classroom ding the extra work the teachers prepare to compensate for the extra time. are they siting first row in this teenage bomb they’re building.
the plan reducing summer well first why don’t they come clean that they all ready reduced it we’re only on vacation for two months give or take a few days and for years they lied to our faces saying we have three months vaca.
to sum it all up I just wish he public the pollutions the school board the reporters would address us on things that affect US not them now granted there may have been a segment on the news some were that addressed students about it but if there was did you even pay attention. and let me end this by saying the subduction of certain rights in order to maintain the learning enviorment making your usage of the 1 st amendment right lesser then you would have in normal society is the same as removing them at the front step!
(I would like to stay anonymous)
the last part of this letter says "i would like to stay anonymous." oh, sweetheart...of course you do.
a few days prior to this, the tampa bay times published an article about obama's initiative to extend the school year. a junior from pasco county responded with a letter to the editor, stating vehement disapproval for the measure. i'm copying it in its entirety for you here.
i could go on about how there's a very good reason why this is as upsetting as it is, or even talk about my belief as to how the fact that i'm not that older, but can understand why this is wrong, is terrible. but i won't. i honestly don't have any snark for this one. it takes care of itself.
hooray florida, indeed.
Editor’s note: On Monday, tbt* published a story describing President Obama’s desire to increase the number of days U.S. children go to school each year. A junior at a Pasco high school e-mailed the following response — with the subject line “why dose nobody ask the students’’ — to tbt*. It is printed here, unedited:
Dear “tbt” editor of which it may concern I’m a student of pasco county a junior to be precise and pleas do not mistake this for a Dear Abby segment I am not a 40 year old women concerned about her felines. I am just appalled as a member of the student body that in ever y in other words the only article I could find of president Obahmas plan to extend the school year, school days, and even rumored around school of making us work weekends that they have not a single students opinion on the subject.
more so that they believe that the school boards “research” should stand as good evidence of the improvement in our “higher achievement”. a very intelligent man once said if you obser ve you have therefor changed the out come (now notice I didn’t abbreviate that phrase as I did the other stated phrases that’s because it’s not exact not as an insult to any of the readers but some would use this against the students to further there pointless war against other country’s grade average).
at any rate not only do I believe it to be unreliable research but I also believe it dose not properly address to how our mind will adjust to the added stress. now personally I don’t ge t what in heavens name these people they put in these articles have to do with the students spending more time in school it’s not like there stuck in the classroom ding the extra work the teachers prepare to compensate for the extra time. are they siting first row in this teenage bomb they’re building.
the plan reducing summer well first why don’t they come clean that they all ready reduced it we’re only on vacation for two months give or take a few days and for years they lied to our faces saying we have three months vaca.
to sum it all up I just wish he public the pollutions the school board the reporters would address us on things that affect US not them now granted there may have been a segment on the news some were that addressed students about it but if there was did you even pay attention. and let me end this by saying the subduction of certain rights in order to maintain the learning enviorment making your usage of the 1 st amendment right lesser then you would have in normal society is the same as removing them at the front step!
(I would like to stay anonymous)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
a lesson from ryan reynolds
"that's the thing about fire trucks...you need some sort of warning that they're coming...?!?!"
back before ryan reynolds was known for being jacked and extremely sarcastic, he was on a show called "two guys and a girl". after his roommate almost got hit by a fire truck, he said this line to him.
but unfortunately, a st pete man didn't get such a warning, and the results were disastrous. firefighters were dispatched to treat a bleeding man who was listed as "nearby." the firefighters suited up, took off from the station...and hit the man. it would appear that "nearby" was 2-3 feet from the station, in front of the doors.
police spokesman bill proffitt said that the victim may have been lying so close to the doors that he was out of sight of those on the engine. the victim was airlifted to bayfront medical center, where he seems to have made it all the way in and treated safely.
so hooray for fast firefighter follies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
back before ryan reynolds was known for being jacked and extremely sarcastic, he was on a show called "two guys and a girl". after his roommate almost got hit by a fire truck, he said this line to him.
but unfortunately, a st pete man didn't get such a warning, and the results were disastrous. firefighters were dispatched to treat a bleeding man who was listed as "nearby." the firefighters suited up, took off from the station...and hit the man. it would appear that "nearby" was 2-3 feet from the station, in front of the doors.
police spokesman bill proffitt said that the victim may have been lying so close to the doors that he was out of sight of those on the engine. the victim was airlifted to bayfront medical center, where he seems to have made it all the way in and treated safely.
so hooray for fast firefighter follies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
cougar town, fl.
well, of course it is.
the opening sequence of cougar town, the new show premiering tonight starring courteney cox, zooms in to a map of florida, witha star centering in on the sarasota/venice area.
surprise! florida is the place people think about when older women picking up younger men comes to mind.
co-creator kevin biegel graduated from riverview high school in 1994, and the area stayed in his mind as he was creating the show with co-creator bill lawrence (of "scrubs", "spin city", and my personal favorite, "clone high", fame). he imagines the area in which cougar town is set as being between sarasota and venice.
the rest of the article talks more about biegel's path to success from his time as a student at BC, but the goal here is to point out a simple fact:
when you think of cougars, think of florida.
hooray for classy cougar connections, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
the opening sequence of cougar town, the new show premiering tonight starring courteney cox, zooms in to a map of florida, witha star centering in on the sarasota/venice area.
surprise! florida is the place people think about when older women picking up younger men comes to mind.
co-creator kevin biegel graduated from riverview high school in 1994, and the area stayed in his mind as he was creating the show with co-creator bill lawrence (of "scrubs", "spin city", and my personal favorite, "clone high", fame). he imagines the area in which cougar town is set as being between sarasota and venice.
the rest of the article talks more about biegel's path to success from his time as a student at BC, but the goal here is to point out a simple fact:
when you think of cougars, think of florida.
hooray for classy cougar connections, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
"and that's why you never take someone's soda"
someone might be using it to teach someone a lesson.
sylvia tagle has what i'd like to call an 'interesting' style of teaching. the miami-dade county school district isn't really a believer in it. but i'm not either.
the special needs teacher was charged with abuse for several offenses, including pulling a student's hair. but the most egregious offense, and the one she was found guilty of? spiking a student's soda with hot sauce.
she says that the student took it from her desk while she was working with other students. but the story of the authorities differs slightly, saying that she gave it to an autistic boy to teach a lesson.
tagle will be sentenced october 7th, and has been removed from her job at the bob graham educational center in the interim.
so hooray for discipline served super spicy, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
sylvia tagle has what i'd like to call an 'interesting' style of teaching. the miami-dade county school district isn't really a believer in it. but i'm not either.
the special needs teacher was charged with abuse for several offenses, including pulling a student's hair. but the most egregious offense, and the one she was found guilty of? spiking a student's soda with hot sauce.
she says that the student took it from her desk while she was working with other students. but the story of the authorities differs slightly, saying that she gave it to an autistic boy to teach a lesson.
tagle will be sentenced october 7th, and has been removed from her job at the bob graham educational center in the interim.
so hooray for discipline served super spicy, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
wii would like to put you under arrest...
but we do admire your big score!
this is slightly bigger than being caught singing into your hairbrush.
polk county police officers were conducting a drug raid at the home of convicted drug dealer michael difalco, when they discovered a nintendo wii among his belongings. one female officer picked up the remote and commenced wii bowling. when she bowled two consecutive strikes, she raised her arms in triumph.
how do we know this in such great detail? difalco had, among his wares that included flat screen TVs and guns, a wireless security camera attached to his computer. apparently, at least one other officer was involved, but there is little belief that the behavior will affect the case of difalco, who was already convicted when the search was conducted.
so hooray for polemic police playtime, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
this is slightly bigger than being caught singing into your hairbrush.
polk county police officers were conducting a drug raid at the home of convicted drug dealer michael difalco, when they discovered a nintendo wii among his belongings. one female officer picked up the remote and commenced wii bowling. when she bowled two consecutive strikes, she raised her arms in triumph.
how do we know this in such great detail? difalco had, among his wares that included flat screen TVs and guns, a wireless security camera attached to his computer. apparently, at least one other officer was involved, but there is little belief that the behavior will affect the case of difalco, who was already convicted when the search was conducted.
so hooray for polemic police playtime, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
well, they are the #1 threat to america...
but what's a bear resistant trash can?
a small private school in seminole county will unfortunately have to find out, after a lockdown caused by the presence of a loose black bear in the area.
the 200 pound bear wandered onto the campus of pace brantley hall school early tuesday morning, only to be chased up a tree by deputies who arrived to regulate the situation.
after a time, the bear climbed back out of the tree and walked away, as calmly as he had come.
the cause of the bear's visit to campus? an open trash can, which he had been rummaging through for snacks. the school plans on purchasing and utilizing a bear-resistant can, thus closing the bear snack bar for good.
so hooray for topping the threatdown with trash, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a small private school in seminole county will unfortunately have to find out, after a lockdown caused by the presence of a loose black bear in the area.
the 200 pound bear wandered onto the campus of pace brantley hall school early tuesday morning, only to be chased up a tree by deputies who arrived to regulate the situation.
after a time, the bear climbed back out of the tree and walked away, as calmly as he had come.
the cause of the bear's visit to campus? an open trash can, which he had been rummaging through for snacks. the school plans on purchasing and utilizing a bear-resistant can, thus closing the bear snack bar for good.
so hooray for topping the threatdown with trash, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
love the naked ambition.
and bare courage of the elderly.
meet 91-year old robert thompson. he's active, a world war II veteran, and a total badass.
thompson's dog alerted him to an intruder at the house early saturday morning. he grabbed his revolver and went out back to assert himself, and assure the attacker that he was not putting up with it.
a few minutes later, thompson was found holding the intruder at gunpoint.
all this was done while he was naked.
as the bandit was booked and sent to palm beach county jail on charges of burglary, thompson informed the police that he didn't know he was naked when he went outside.
so hooray for raw courage in the raw, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
meet 91-year old robert thompson. he's active, a world war II veteran, and a total badass.
thompson's dog alerted him to an intruder at the house early saturday morning. he grabbed his revolver and went out back to assert himself, and assure the attacker that he was not putting up with it.
a few minutes later, thompson was found holding the intruder at gunpoint.
all this was done while he was naked.
as the bandit was booked and sent to palm beach county jail on charges of burglary, thompson informed the police that he didn't know he was naked when he went outside.
so hooray for raw courage in the raw, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
hazards of the occupation, i suppose...
but how did the cow fall over?
a man milking a cow near the st. lucie/okeechobee line was airlifted to a nearby hospital when the cow he was working on fell over. just before 4am, the man was sent to the hospital but then released soon after.
my favorite quote from the article: "they were in the process of milking cows. that's why he was near a cow."
and i wish i could report on if the cow was injured or not. but regretfully, the article didn't say.
anyway, hooray for bobbling bovine accidents, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a man milking a cow near the st. lucie/okeechobee line was airlifted to a nearby hospital when the cow he was working on fell over. just before 4am, the man was sent to the hospital but then released soon after.
my favorite quote from the article: "they were in the process of milking cows. that's why he was near a cow."
and i wish i could report on if the cow was injured or not. but regretfully, the article didn't say.
anyway, hooray for bobbling bovine accidents, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i've been bothered by opposing fans before,
but not to the point where they needed to be sprayed.
jupiter high in florida eventually lost their game to the seminole ridge hawks 23-3, but they gave a rude surprise to their fans- and the rest of the fans in the stadium- friday night when a helicopter overhead sprayed the area for mosquitos.
palm beach county mosquito control was contracted to spray in the area, but locals are having a hard time understanding why they would come spray from the opposite direction, and in an area so clearly lit and occupied by people.
spraying is normally avoided on friday nights, because of football games, but this game was played on a thursday due to rosh hashanah.
mosquito control representative insists that no mistake was made, saying that it was wind or helicopter exhaust was to blame. in either case, the spray has been determined safe for humans, so no permanent damage was done.
so hooray for trying to piss off pesky fans, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
jupiter high in florida eventually lost their game to the seminole ridge hawks 23-3, but they gave a rude surprise to their fans- and the rest of the fans in the stadium- friday night when a helicopter overhead sprayed the area for mosquitos.
palm beach county mosquito control was contracted to spray in the area, but locals are having a hard time understanding why they would come spray from the opposite direction, and in an area so clearly lit and occupied by people.
spraying is normally avoided on friday nights, because of football games, but this game was played on a thursday due to rosh hashanah.
mosquito control representative insists that no mistake was made, saying that it was wind or helicopter exhaust was to blame. in either case, the spray has been determined safe for humans, so no permanent damage was done.
so hooray for trying to piss off pesky fans, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, September 11, 2009
this is not the taste of a generation i would want.
but they should have asked for coupons.
i'm a big believer in customer rights. if i'm not happy with something, i'll call the company and let them know. in fact, once i found a wasp in a can of tea. i ended up with a full case of it. none of which i drank out of the can, for obvious reasons.
but this one? this would turn me off the product altogether.
fred denegri and his wife bought a flat of soda form sam's club in ormond beach last year, in hopes of saving money. but if you won't use it, it won't save money. and the denegris probably won't drink it.
denegri's wife found an unidentified body in her diet pepsi, and didn't finish it (because of it's awful taste). "body", in this case, was the right word to use; the FDA has identified that the body was that of a frog. the report was given to the couple this week, where they found out the understandable awful taste's source.
and in case you're wondering, no, the denegris did not put the frog in the can. so they're considering legal action, naturally.
so hooray for awful amphibious findings, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i'm a big believer in customer rights. if i'm not happy with something, i'll call the company and let them know. in fact, once i found a wasp in a can of tea. i ended up with a full case of it. none of which i drank out of the can, for obvious reasons.
but this one? this would turn me off the product altogether.
fred denegri and his wife bought a flat of soda form sam's club in ormond beach last year, in hopes of saving money. but if you won't use it, it won't save money. and the denegris probably won't drink it.
denegri's wife found an unidentified body in her diet pepsi, and didn't finish it (because of it's awful taste). "body", in this case, was the right word to use; the FDA has identified that the body was that of a frog. the report was given to the couple this week, where they found out the understandable awful taste's source.
and in case you're wondering, no, the denegris did not put the frog in the can. so they're considering legal action, naturally.
so hooray for awful amphibious findings, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
like fighting crime with a water gun.
or in this case, an empty box.
in 2006, a metrowest housing complex experienced a crime wave, leaving residents nervous about whether or not they would be safe. their developer, kevin azzouz, ensured the residents that he would take every measure possible to guarantee their safety. promises were made of 40 infrared security cameras, three-dimensional crime tracking programs, and as many as 16 police officers patrolling the area to catch potential intruders.
however, azzouz used that energy and trust to instead create a false security system, which included:
in 2006, a metrowest housing complex experienced a crime wave, leaving residents nervous about whether or not they would be safe. their developer, kevin azzouz, ensured the residents that he would take every measure possible to guarantee their safety. promises were made of 40 infrared security cameras, three-dimensional crime tracking programs, and as many as 16 police officers patrolling the area to catch potential intruders.
however, azzouz used that energy and trust to instead create a false security system, which included:
- 40 empty boxes designed to look like security cameras;
- use of Google Earth to simulate a tracking system; and
- a police force on the property of six or less, and will be reduced to one beginning october 1st.
the new board president, jeremy hollis, irritatingly stated the obvious when he asserted "we believe that mock cameras are a liability risk." uh, yeah.
additionally, azzouz remains on the board, despite this debaucle and several lawsuits, bankruptcies and foreclosures during his tenure. he would not respond for comments when asked, wisely and probably on the advice of counsel. $120,000 is allocated for purchase of real security equipment, to be installed in the next year. note: don't let kevin azzouz touch it.
so hooray for perturbing property problems, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
sloth has hit a new low.
but no one's gonna do that for him in jail.
sean kelly was arrested today for trying to hire caregivers for his handicapped brother, and then refusing to provide payment.
i only wish that this was the only crime here.
three former "employees" have complained that mike kelly hired them to take care of his brother sean who was permanently handicapped after an accident. services included feeding the disabled man, and changing his soiled diapers.
here's the fun part. there is no mike. the calls made from "mike" were actually made by sean.
who is not disabled. he simply "hired" these people to take care of him without payment. or a disability.
kelly was taken to brevard county jail, where he is being held on $5,500 bail.
so hooray for dubious disability fraud, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
sean kelly was arrested today for trying to hire caregivers for his handicapped brother, and then refusing to provide payment.
i only wish that this was the only crime here.
three former "employees" have complained that mike kelly hired them to take care of his brother sean who was permanently handicapped after an accident. services included feeding the disabled man, and changing his soiled diapers.
here's the fun part. there is no mike. the calls made from "mike" were actually made by sean.
who is not disabled. he simply "hired" these people to take care of him without payment. or a disability.
kelly was taken to brevard county jail, where he is being held on $5,500 bail.
so hooray for dubious disability fraud, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
lesson teaching...it's not good news
"and that's why...you never teach your cat a lesson."
a boynton beach man is being held on $5,000 bail, after a discipline attempt went terribly wrong.
on his cat.
the unnamed 43-year old man caught his cat urinating on the bed instead of the litterbox, and got angry. he took his cat and a gun into the garage, and shot at a flotation device (which i imagine got comical hissing to occur) to "scare" the cat.
which brings to mind a question for me. if you want to prevent a cat from peeing where it shouldn't, is scaring it the right course of action?
well, the police deemed that it wasn't, and this callous cat owner was arrested on charges of shooting in an occupied dwelling, and operating a firearm while under the influence.
so hooray for creative cat coaching, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a boynton beach man is being held on $5,000 bail, after a discipline attempt went terribly wrong.
on his cat.
the unnamed 43-year old man caught his cat urinating on the bed instead of the litterbox, and got angry. he took his cat and a gun into the garage, and shot at a flotation device (which i imagine got comical hissing to occur) to "scare" the cat.
which brings to mind a question for me. if you want to prevent a cat from peeing where it shouldn't, is scaring it the right course of action?
well, the police deemed that it wasn't, and this callous cat owner was arrested on charges of shooting in an occupied dwelling, and operating a firearm while under the influence.
so hooray for creative cat coaching, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
this season's crimes of fashion.
dressed to kill...or at least wound.
the tampa police department is on the lookout for some unusual fashionistas. three pawn shops in the last three weeks have been robbed by these criminals with some odd fashion choices.
in these robberies, their cloaking agents have included beautician's sinks worn on their heads to cover their faces, hospital scrubs, surgical masks, and in one (i imagine, particularly hilarious) case, a child safety seat was used over the head to protect a robber's identity.
andrea davis, a spokesperson for the police department had this to say: "the first thing you think is, 'that's funny,' but in reality this is a violent crime and there's nothing funny about it to the victims."
anyone with info is asked to call the TPD, and anyone with more suggestions on costumes can call me :)
hooray for fashionable felons, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
the tampa police department is on the lookout for some unusual fashionistas. three pawn shops in the last three weeks have been robbed by these criminals with some odd fashion choices.
in these robberies, their cloaking agents have included beautician's sinks worn on their heads to cover their faces, hospital scrubs, surgical masks, and in one (i imagine, particularly hilarious) case, a child safety seat was used over the head to protect a robber's identity.
andrea davis, a spokesperson for the police department had this to say: "the first thing you think is, 'that's funny,' but in reality this is a violent crime and there's nothing funny about it to the victims."
anyone with info is asked to call the TPD, and anyone with more suggestions on costumes can call me :)
hooray for fashionable felons, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
"the tops don't sting you!"
so he used them to make the bottom parts sting you.
keith edward marriott was picked up for disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon monday, after reports of him surfaced (as did he) at madeira beach. marriott was described as being loud and disruptive, and was repeatedly submerging himself in the water, pretending to drown.
when he emerged, he had an unexpected find: jellyfish.
the 41-year old then started throwing the jellyfish at nearby teenagers. i know what you're thinking- the jellyfish were not the concealed weapon. he also had a pocketknife on him when the police picked him up.
marriott is being held on $250 bail. may the embarrassment of this crime sting less than anything the jellyfish did to him.
so hooray for assault by seacreature, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
keith edward marriott was picked up for disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon monday, after reports of him surfaced (as did he) at madeira beach. marriott was described as being loud and disruptive, and was repeatedly submerging himself in the water, pretending to drown.
when he emerged, he had an unexpected find: jellyfish.
the 41-year old then started throwing the jellyfish at nearby teenagers. i know what you're thinking- the jellyfish were not the concealed weapon. he also had a pocketknife on him when the police picked him up.
marriott is being held on $250 bail. may the embarrassment of this crime sting less than anything the jellyfish did to him.
so hooray for assault by seacreature, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, September 4, 2009
odd law lesson.
this used to not be illegal in california.
fun fact about orson welles. at the point when he was doing a lot of theater work while directing citizen kane, there was no rule about how an ambulance could be used. if he didn't want to drive, he called an ambulance. if he was running late, he called an ambulance.
that said, benjamin dewer, 26, is no orson welles.
dewer called 911 twice, to let them know that he was hungry and needed a ride to the park.
needless to say, not an emergency. he was charged with making false 911 calls, and is being held on $1,000 bail.
so hooray for creative calling, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
fun fact about orson welles. at the point when he was doing a lot of theater work while directing citizen kane, there was no rule about how an ambulance could be used. if he didn't want to drive, he called an ambulance. if he was running late, he called an ambulance.
that said, benjamin dewer, 26, is no orson welles.
dewer called 911 twice, to let them know that he was hungry and needed a ride to the park.
needless to say, not an emergency. he was charged with making false 911 calls, and is being held on $1,000 bail.
so hooray for creative calling, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Clackety, clackety, clackety...crack.
this is what happens when you roll the dice.
if you insist on playing dice, and i'm sure some of you do, i wouldn't advise that you play near jackson court apartments. i don't think that 18 year old leslie jones would endorse such a decision either.
as jones and his associates were playing dice in the complex, johnny lee "bald head" jordan, 39, approached the game, gun drawn. the players scattered, but bald head wasn't satisfied. he proceeded to chase them down, firing what the police believe was up to 10 shots. jones was hit in the wrist, foot and thigh, but his injuries do not appear to be critical.
jordan was peacefully apprehended, surprisingly enough. i would think that someone so fervently anti-dice would put up more of a fight.
in any case, hooray for deadly dice situations, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if you insist on playing dice, and i'm sure some of you do, i wouldn't advise that you play near jackson court apartments. i don't think that 18 year old leslie jones would endorse such a decision either.
as jones and his associates were playing dice in the complex, johnny lee "bald head" jordan, 39, approached the game, gun drawn. the players scattered, but bald head wasn't satisfied. he proceeded to chase them down, firing what the police believe was up to 10 shots. jones was hit in the wrist, foot and thigh, but his injuries do not appear to be critical.
jordan was peacefully apprehended, surprisingly enough. i would think that someone so fervently anti-dice would put up more of a fight.
in any case, hooray for deadly dice situations, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
"here's the hard part. they're going to take you too."
...into custody, that is.
18 year old estes dante washington, 18, has gone from being under a bed to under arrest in a relatively short period of time. washington is being held on $25,000 bail for burglary and resisting arrest.
the funny part is, it started in a car.
an officer pulled washington over at about 9:45 tuesday evening for not wearing a seatbelt. he bolted, panicked. he was seen running through some apartment complexes, but decided to duck into a stranger's apartment, instead of his own.
while two witnesses saw him enter the apartment, the owner said she didn't realize anyone had come in. nevertheless, police dragged him out from under a bed.
hooray for slipping into something a little more comfortable, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
18 year old estes dante washington, 18, has gone from being under a bed to under arrest in a relatively short period of time. washington is being held on $25,000 bail for burglary and resisting arrest.
the funny part is, it started in a car.
an officer pulled washington over at about 9:45 tuesday evening for not wearing a seatbelt. he bolted, panicked. he was seen running through some apartment complexes, but decided to duck into a stranger's apartment, instead of his own.
while two witnesses saw him enter the apartment, the owner said she didn't realize anyone had come in. nevertheless, police dragged him out from under a bed.
hooray for slipping into something a little more comfortable, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
what's the opposite of escape?
the "jiles in-scape plan"?
sylvester jiles should have been living a new life after being released from jail on manslaughter charges. but instead, he feared for his life. what did he decide was the thing to do here?
break back into jail.
he called the police and told them about the threats, who told him to file a report. he did the next best thing. he attempted to scale a 12 foot wire fence, returning himself to the brevard county detention center. a second, sharper fence, proved to be his downfall, and he sustained major injuries.
so hooray for determined once and future detainees, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
sylvester jiles should have been living a new life after being released from jail on manslaughter charges. but instead, he feared for his life. what did he decide was the thing to do here?
break back into jail.
he called the police and told them about the threats, who told him to file a report. he did the next best thing. he attempted to scale a 12 foot wire fence, returning himself to the brevard county detention center. a second, sharper fence, proved to be his downfall, and he sustained major injuries.
so hooray for determined once and future detainees, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
what has two thumbs and should be able to cash a check?
regrettably, not this man.
steve valdez of tampa had two forms of valid ID and a signed check from his wife. however, bank of america still would not allow him to process the check. they require a thumbprint to proceed with the transaction.
bad news for valdez. born without arms, he has no thumbs. he has prosthetic arms, but no thumbprints.
UPDATE: bank of america has since apologized to valdez, saying that they "should have offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint." tampa attorney maureen deskins has handled at least 10 cases of this nature, but says not enough information is present to determine if disability laws were violated.
hooray for a lack of fiscal fairness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
steve valdez of tampa had two forms of valid ID and a signed check from his wife. however, bank of america still would not allow him to process the check. they require a thumbprint to proceed with the transaction.
bad news for valdez. born without arms, he has no thumbs. he has prosthetic arms, but no thumbprints.
UPDATE: bank of america has since apologized to valdez, saying that they "should have offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint." tampa attorney maureen deskins has handled at least 10 cases of this nature, but says not enough information is present to determine if disability laws were violated.
hooray for a lack of fiscal fairness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
oh, i'm back, and it's on.
had a summer hiatus, first because of a lack of time, and then because of a lack of florida based ridiculousness. but now i'm here again, with new hooray-worthy moments!
if at first you do succeed...see what else you can get!
steve fluegge is one of the only people i know of who had to experience a burglary in stages. whether it's because of a bold spirit and a high from stealing, or because of some transport issue, fluegge first lost his game system, watch, wallet. about an hour later, his TV went missing.
the police were investigating the scene, and wanted to dust the scene for fingerprints. the TV had been left outside, but could not be dusted right away because of the dew that accumulated when the robber put it there. an hour later, when investigators returned to the yard to check it, the tarp covering it had been tossed away, and the TV taken.
there's no sign of the robber, or clues to his identity.
but i'm not really concerned. he'll be back.
hooray for repeat robberies, hooray for being back from hiatus, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if at first you do succeed...see what else you can get!
steve fluegge is one of the only people i know of who had to experience a burglary in stages. whether it's because of a bold spirit and a high from stealing, or because of some transport issue, fluegge first lost his game system, watch, wallet. about an hour later, his TV went missing.
the police were investigating the scene, and wanted to dust the scene for fingerprints. the TV had been left outside, but could not be dusted right away because of the dew that accumulated when the robber put it there. an hour later, when investigators returned to the yard to check it, the tarp covering it had been tossed away, and the TV taken.
there's no sign of the robber, or clues to his identity.
but i'm not really concerned. he'll be back.
hooray for repeat robberies, hooray for being back from hiatus, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, July 10, 2009
can't stand the heat? get out of the kitchen...
or you'll get hit.
meredith hart mulcahy of naples was charged with "battery on an elderly person" in defense of her cooking tuesday night.
mulcahy's 71 year old common law husband complained about her undercooked potatoes and burnt bread at dinnertime, claiming that the latter was because she was cooking while intoxicated (surprisingly, NOT the crime in this situation). he went to his room to pick at the edible remains of his meal, only to find himself hit by a phone a moment later.
presently, mulcahy is in lee county jail awaiting a bail of $1500. i'm willing to bet it'll be her turn to complain about food come dinnertime.
meredith hart mulcahy of naples was charged with "battery on an elderly person" in defense of her cooking tuesday night.
mulcahy's 71 year old common law husband complained about her undercooked potatoes and burnt bread at dinnertime, claiming that the latter was because she was cooking while intoxicated (surprisingly, NOT the crime in this situation). he went to his room to pick at the edible remains of his meal, only to find himself hit by a phone a moment later.
presently, mulcahy is in lee county jail awaiting a bail of $1500. i'm willing to bet it'll be her turn to complain about food come dinnertime.
i'm back. and this one is awesome.
there aren't worse things you can get in a public bathroom.
not that the threat of disease isn't bad, but getting shot in the leg is both unexpected, and way worse.
janifer bliss of tampa was in a public bathroom stall, when she felt a sharp pain in her leg. the pain came from a mistakenly discharged handgun, owned by the 56 year old woman in the next stall. bliss, 53, was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, and likely a healthy fear of public restrooms.
so hooray for long awaited returns, a new thing to fear on a public john, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
not that the threat of disease isn't bad, but getting shot in the leg is both unexpected, and way worse.
janifer bliss of tampa was in a public bathroom stall, when she felt a sharp pain in her leg. the pain came from a mistakenly discharged handgun, owned by the 56 year old woman in the next stall. bliss, 53, was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, and likely a healthy fear of public restrooms.
so hooray for long awaited returns, a new thing to fear on a public john, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
brooksville's new clothes.
more visible than the emperor's, with luck.
the city of brooksville is enforcing a new dress code, becoming one of three city outfits to do so. i like the idea, but they've stipulated such near-unenforceables as:
i don't have a problem with telling people what to wear to work. in fact, i'm one of the biggest proponents for professional dress that you'll meet for my age. but i'm also a big believer in having reasonable rules. and some of these are not going to be able to be effectively enforced. who's going sniffing around for someone not wearing deodorant? similarly, if someone's wearing too much of a fragrance, is that equally noncompliant?
another iffy one for me? a proposed rule in 1996 asked for skirt splits to be limited to an inch in order to negotiate a step.
and maybe the most offensive part of the article? in which they imply that these rules are set up so that men in the office are not enticed by women. city manager Richard Anderson, who I quite frankly never want to work for, said this: "Men have it hard enough just to do a day's work and not be enticed by a woman who is not dressed properly," Staib said at the time. "If you have to bend over for the bottom file . . . that would entice any man, unless he is not completely a man."
i'm all about dressing appropriately, but not to calm down your libido. just so i can do my job!
so my bottom line is this: don't come to work looking like you should be at the beach, the club, at a sporting event, or a party. beyond that, the specifics just shouldn't be necessary!
so hooray for workplace wardrobe wardens, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
the city of brooksville is enforcing a new dress code, becoming one of three city outfits to do so. i like the idea, but they've stipulated such near-unenforceables as:
- deodorant;
- underwear;
- "clothing considered offensive, distracting, or revealing"; or
- "skirts worn below the waistline such that the abdomen or waistline is exposed"
i don't have a problem with telling people what to wear to work. in fact, i'm one of the biggest proponents for professional dress that you'll meet for my age. but i'm also a big believer in having reasonable rules. and some of these are not going to be able to be effectively enforced. who's going sniffing around for someone not wearing deodorant? similarly, if someone's wearing too much of a fragrance, is that equally noncompliant?
another iffy one for me? a proposed rule in 1996 asked for skirt splits to be limited to an inch in order to negotiate a step.
and maybe the most offensive part of the article? in which they imply that these rules are set up so that men in the office are not enticed by women. city manager Richard Anderson, who I quite frankly never want to work for, said this: "Men have it hard enough just to do a day's work and not be enticed by a woman who is not dressed properly," Staib said at the time. "If you have to bend over for the bottom file . . . that would entice any man, unless he is not completely a man."
i'm all about dressing appropriately, but not to calm down your libido. just so i can do my job!
so my bottom line is this: don't come to work looking like you should be at the beach, the club, at a sporting event, or a party. beyond that, the specifics just shouldn't be necessary!
so hooray for workplace wardrobe wardens, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
i don't care how much i need to escape the police...
i am not lying facedown in a cow pasture.
but that's precisely what jeffrey moore and three of his friends were doing in a manatee county pasture when found by police.
moore was found to be in possession of a small slingshot, and a crossbow. he claims he and his friends were searching for psychedelic mushrooms.
i know what you're thinking: was the crossbow for a particularly large mushroom, or to fend off the dangers of the creatures they encountered on the drug trip? answer: neither. the crossbow and slingshot were to protect them from attacking cows.
in any case, the men were arrested and presumably their medieval weaponry was also confiscated.
hooray for medieval mushroom mauraders, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
but that's precisely what jeffrey moore and three of his friends were doing in a manatee county pasture when found by police.
moore was found to be in possession of a small slingshot, and a crossbow. he claims he and his friends were searching for psychedelic mushrooms.
i know what you're thinking: was the crossbow for a particularly large mushroom, or to fend off the dangers of the creatures they encountered on the drug trip? answer: neither. the crossbow and slingshot were to protect them from attacking cows.
in any case, the men were arrested and presumably their medieval weaponry was also confiscated.
hooray for medieval mushroom mauraders, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
what about "my mother, the car"?
the only instance in which i think a car would object to things.
oh, and herbie. let me not forget him.
however, a panama city motorist who blew a .228 spoke in defense of his towed vehicle after a traffic stop thursday, ardently assuring the officer that "the vehicle did not know what it was doing, and didn't deserve to be arrested."
this after he failed to make it to G in the alphabet during his field sobriety test. he started at F. and this is the BEST part of the story.
so hooray for abnormal alphabets and arrests, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
oh, and herbie. let me not forget him.
however, a panama city motorist who blew a .228 spoke in defense of his towed vehicle after a traffic stop thursday, ardently assuring the officer that "the vehicle did not know what it was doing, and didn't deserve to be arrested."
this after he failed to make it to G in the alphabet during his field sobriety test. he started at F. and this is the BEST part of the story.
so hooray for abnormal alphabets and arrests, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
everyone's taking the plunge!
but not everyone's doing it the same way.
stacy lazdowski and her fiancee waited six months after their wedding to start their honeymoon, and they're not waiting anymore. even after waking up the morning of the trip to find they'd acquired a new car.
in their pool.
the night before, a teenage driver in their coral springs neighborhood swerved to avoid hitting a cat, and ended up in the pool by way of the bushes and a fence. the driver was the only one in the car, and he managed to leave the scene uninjured.
and undetected, for the lazdowskis didn't find out any of this until they woke up to see it.
so hooray for catsaving capers in coral springs, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
stacy lazdowski and her fiancee waited six months after their wedding to start their honeymoon, and they're not waiting anymore. even after waking up the morning of the trip to find they'd acquired a new car.
in their pool.
the night before, a teenage driver in their coral springs neighborhood swerved to avoid hitting a cat, and ended up in the pool by way of the bushes and a fence. the driver was the only one in the car, and he managed to leave the scene uninjured.
and undetected, for the lazdowskis didn't find out any of this until they woke up to see it.
so hooray for catsaving capers in coral springs, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
it's been a while, but we're worldwide now.
that is, our may-november festish.
i return to you now, after too long of an absence, with a national/international story out of time magazine: why are so many female florida teachers sleeping with male students?
wouldn't we like to know?
the syndrome is being blamed on several things, such as blurred lines between teacher-student relationships, more social acceptance of practices like hugging (something tells me that sex is not one of those things that is ever going to be okay between teachers and students), and the like. but for whatever reason, it is more common in florida than anywhere else in the country.
they do have an interesting theory, which will make me up my cardigan collection as i venture into work with college students:
But why should Florida seem to be experiencing an especially high number of such cases? Are those women, and for that matter the hormonally charged boys they target, somehow egged on by the state's more sexually relaxed atmosphere, with its sultry climate and scantily clad beach culture? (California also has a high rate of teacher sexual misconduct.)
that's the reason. beaches.
so hooray for steamy days turning into steamy nights at school, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i return to you now, after too long of an absence, with a national/international story out of time magazine: why are so many female florida teachers sleeping with male students?
wouldn't we like to know?
the syndrome is being blamed on several things, such as blurred lines between teacher-student relationships, more social acceptance of practices like hugging (something tells me that sex is not one of those things that is ever going to be okay between teachers and students), and the like. but for whatever reason, it is more common in florida than anywhere else in the country.
they do have an interesting theory, which will make me up my cardigan collection as i venture into work with college students:
But why should Florida seem to be experiencing an especially high number of such cases? Are those women, and for that matter the hormonally charged boys they target, somehow egged on by the state's more sexually relaxed atmosphere, with its sultry climate and scantily clad beach culture? (California also has a high rate of teacher sexual misconduct.)
that's the reason. beaches.
so hooray for steamy days turning into steamy nights at school, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
passed out in pasco.
that makes one every four hours, forty eight minutes!
in the span of less than 24 hours, five people were arrested after being found asleep behind the wheel of their cars. while time of day is of no consequence (sheriff's office spokesperson kevin doll says "people drink and take drugs at all times of day or night"), the circumstances of a few of these are pretty interesting; far better than the stories i'm familiar with- passed out in the steak and shake drive through, or in front of the 7-eleven waiting for taquitos.
so hooray for uniting in unconsciousness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
in the span of less than 24 hours, five people were arrested after being found asleep behind the wheel of their cars. while time of day is of no consequence (sheriff's office spokesperson kevin doll says "people drink and take drugs at all times of day or night"), the circumstances of a few of these are pretty interesting; far better than the stories i'm familiar with- passed out in the steak and shake drive through, or in front of the 7-eleven waiting for taquitos.
- one of the five was found asleep after doing drugs and having drank 'a lot' before getting behind the wheel, needle still in hand;
- one was in the middle of the street (but claimed to not know why when he was roused from his slumber), foot on the brake but still fast asleep;
- a third, an employee of habitat for humanity, was weaving through oncoming traffic.
so hooray for uniting in unconsciousness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
exposures of exposure?
must have been a sight to withhold...
a battle rages at sickles high school over a picture of one of its juniors, caught in a compromising position (think basic instinct) made its way into the yearbook.
while the school writes off the effect of the photo, claiming that it's a "shadow," the girl's mother is insisting that no more yearbooks be distributed, the ones that have been distributed be returned, and that the books be reprinted with a different photograph in its place. this woman clearly never had to try and produce a yearbook.
and all this work just to keep a pantyline from showing? i'll buy this girl a thong to escape the controversy.
in any case, hooray for puberty's pantyless problems, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a battle rages at sickles high school over a picture of one of its juniors, caught in a compromising position (think basic instinct) made its way into the yearbook.
while the school writes off the effect of the photo, claiming that it's a "shadow," the girl's mother is insisting that no more yearbooks be distributed, the ones that have been distributed be returned, and that the books be reprinted with a different photograph in its place. this woman clearly never had to try and produce a yearbook.
and all this work just to keep a pantyline from showing? i'll buy this girl a thong to escape the controversy.
in any case, hooray for puberty's pantyless problems, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
helen bedd, i presume?
really? just sound it out, officers...
a florida-based prostitution arrest was made to a woman by the name of "helen bedd," advertising in the casual encounters section. a price was agreed upon between "bedd" and a disguised officer, before the arrest was made.
when the meetup occurred, it was discovered that Helen was actually a 41-year old man by the name of arthur ramos. ramos is unashamed by his status as a prostitute, informing the arresting officer that "prostitution was the world's oldest profession," and he "did not understand why the officers were making such a big deal of it."
so hooray for preposterous prostitute pseudonyms, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a florida-based prostitution arrest was made to a woman by the name of "helen bedd," advertising in the casual encounters section. a price was agreed upon between "bedd" and a disguised officer, before the arrest was made.
when the meetup occurred, it was discovered that Helen was actually a 41-year old man by the name of arthur ramos. ramos is unashamed by his status as a prostitute, informing the arresting officer that "prostitution was the world's oldest profession," and he "did not understand why the officers were making such a big deal of it."
so hooray for preposterous prostitute pseudonyms, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
naked ambition II
i'm always a little put off when people ask me to bum cigarettes, but i don't think i've ever been this weirded out.
early friday morning, a 52 year old woman showed up naked at a clearwater home, asking for a cigarette. police arrested her later on, walking through a motor home. while she had acquired a pair of boxer shorts, the article did not report on if her hunt for a cigarette was successful.
she was charged with disorderly conduct, but then discharged from jail on her own recognizance. may she throw on a top next time when jonesing for some smokes.
hooray for nicotine in the nude, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
early friday morning, a 52 year old woman showed up naked at a clearwater home, asking for a cigarette. police arrested her later on, walking through a motor home. while she had acquired a pair of boxer shorts, the article did not report on if her hunt for a cigarette was successful.
she was charged with disorderly conduct, but then discharged from jail on her own recognizance. may she throw on a top next time when jonesing for some smokes.
hooray for nicotine in the nude, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
this is gonna be another one of these gross ones.
nothing witty, just plain odd.
police were called to the scene of an oakland part apartment in broward county, being told that the woman on the other end of the line had suffered a miscarriage.
when the authorities arrived, they discovered she was faking. her prop of choice? they're unsure of (or unwilling to report) its origin, but has been described as "animal tissue."
the case is closed without further investigation into where the tissue was obtained, but the woman may be charged with lying to authorities.
so hooray for animal AND ambulance abuse and HOORAY FLORIDA!
police were called to the scene of an oakland part apartment in broward county, being told that the woman on the other end of the line had suffered a miscarriage.
when the authorities arrived, they discovered she was faking. her prop of choice? they're unsure of (or unwilling to report) its origin, but has been described as "animal tissue."
the case is closed without further investigation into where the tissue was obtained, but the woman may be charged with lying to authorities.
so hooray for animal AND ambulance abuse and HOORAY FLORIDA!
thing just went hog wild...
so then they called in the pigs.
a 26 year old woman has a laceration on the back of her leg to show for the latest encounter in her st. pete backyard.
but i love her course of action on this. st. petersburg fire and rescue were called to the scene after the woman reported a 200 pound pig was in the yard. this was reported from inside the house. so, what do you do while you're waiting?
GO OUTSIDE TO INVESTIGATE.
when she disturbed its visit, it charged at her, causing the aforementioned laceration.
once animal control arrived, they used a lasso to restrain the pig (AWESOME) and sent it in for rabies testing.
so hooray for shortsighted st pete sojourns, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a 26 year old woman has a laceration on the back of her leg to show for the latest encounter in her st. pete backyard.
but i love her course of action on this. st. petersburg fire and rescue were called to the scene after the woman reported a 200 pound pig was in the yard. this was reported from inside the house. so, what do you do while you're waiting?
GO OUTSIDE TO INVESTIGATE.
when she disturbed its visit, it charged at her, causing the aforementioned laceration.
once animal control arrived, they used a lasso to restrain the pig (AWESOME) and sent it in for rabies testing.
so hooray for shortsighted st pete sojourns, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
crazy good?
nope...just crazy.
i get that couples who are moving away from each other after a breakup stake claims on certain items in the apartment. furniture, movies or CDs, things like that. but would i give up on things like food?
well, maybe not, depending on what it was. but i certainly wouldn't stab anyone over it!
not so for 18 year old catheline colon. during a dispute over a box of pop-tarts of unknown origin, she literally staker her claim with a steak knife, stabbing her former boyfriend shawn anderson.
the police were called in, and found colon cleaning up blood from the floor. anderson was taken to lakeland regional hospital by a friend, but his present state is unknown.
as for colon, she was arrested and charged with tampering with evidence, battery with a deadly weapon, and domestic violence.
so hooray for sugar-fueled stabbings, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i get that couples who are moving away from each other after a breakup stake claims on certain items in the apartment. furniture, movies or CDs, things like that. but would i give up on things like food?
well, maybe not, depending on what it was. but i certainly wouldn't stab anyone over it!
not so for 18 year old catheline colon. during a dispute over a box of pop-tarts of unknown origin, she literally staker her claim with a steak knife, stabbing her former boyfriend shawn anderson.
the police were called in, and found colon cleaning up blood from the floor. anderson was taken to lakeland regional hospital by a friend, but his present state is unknown.
as for colon, she was arrested and charged with tampering with evidence, battery with a deadly weapon, and domestic violence.
so hooray for sugar-fueled stabbings, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
this guy is, literally, trippin.
truly the "quinn"tessential criminal.
today, we salute patrick "steve" quinn, of pasco county. he has a record that is long and colorful, detailed and shameworthy. yet he roams the streets of the greater tampa bay area, free to stir up trouble.
quinn's latest caper came when he was pulled over with a burnt out front headlight. but there were more surprises. a gun on the seat, two bullets in his pocket, and a van that didn't belong to him. he said that the van belonged to a lady friend of his, and he was just as surprised to find the gun as the cops were.
asked why he tried to run after getting out of the car, he replied simply: "i tripped," grinning.
oh yeah, and he had coke too. said he mostly uses it on the weekends, but "sometimes the weekend rolls into monday."
just for the sake of backstory, let's rattle off the other offenses that the 20 year old has been privy to:
today, we salute patrick "steve" quinn, of pasco county. he has a record that is long and colorful, detailed and shameworthy. yet he roams the streets of the greater tampa bay area, free to stir up trouble.
quinn's latest caper came when he was pulled over with a burnt out front headlight. but there were more surprises. a gun on the seat, two bullets in his pocket, and a van that didn't belong to him. he said that the van belonged to a lady friend of his, and he was just as surprised to find the gun as the cops were.
asked why he tried to run after getting out of the car, he replied simply: "i tripped," grinning.
oh yeah, and he had coke too. said he mostly uses it on the weekends, but "sometimes the weekend rolls into monday."
just for the sake of backstory, let's rattle off the other offenses that the 20 year old has been privy to:
- felony battery on an education employee;
- bringing a knife to school;
- armed burglary;
- marijuana possession; and
- bringing a semiautomatic weapon to two different high schools.
for someone with such an "impressive" record, his mugshot indicates he's both humble and unbothered by the whole thing.
so hooray for getting through mondays however we can, even if it means spending them in jail, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
no foolin. unfortunately.
makes me wonder how she can drive.
a kissimmee woman was left flushed and embarrassed after a 911 call to police to get her out of her car. she informed the dispatcher that her car's electric elements weren't working, and that she was getting warm being locked inside the car.
calmly and hopefully with just the slightest giggle, the dispatcher told her to pull the lock up with her hand, negating the need for electricity and safely removing her from the car.
"um, i'm sorry" was her response before hanging up, hopefully because she had managed to free herself.
hooray for silliness in sedans (click on the link, you can listen to the call!!! eeee!), and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a kissimmee woman was left flushed and embarrassed after a 911 call to police to get her out of her car. she informed the dispatcher that her car's electric elements weren't working, and that she was getting warm being locked inside the car.
calmly and hopefully with just the slightest giggle, the dispatcher told her to pull the lock up with her hand, negating the need for electricity and safely removing her from the car.
"um, i'm sorry" was her response before hanging up, hopefully because she had managed to free herself.
hooray for silliness in sedans (click on the link, you can listen to the call!!! eeee!), and HOORAY FLORIDA!
just a waste of good pretzels...
but she did get a felony charge in exchange!
a 14-year old girl was charged with a felony in fort pierce yesterday, and she lost a bag of pretzels and a shoe in the process.
a police officer was watching several patients in the hospital, when the 14-year old got agitated and told the officer to stop looking at her, or she'd hit him with her shoe. when told to calm down and have a seat, she refused, telling the cop to be quiet.
she threw her shoe at the officer twice, hitting him in the foot the second time.
once he was hit, the police sergeant was called, who was greeted with a bag of pretzels to the chest.
the charge isn't listed, but i'm guessing it's assault. by something with salt. i like it.
so hooray for salty snack shenanigans, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a 14-year old girl was charged with a felony in fort pierce yesterday, and she lost a bag of pretzels and a shoe in the process.
a police officer was watching several patients in the hospital, when the 14-year old got agitated and told the officer to stop looking at her, or she'd hit him with her shoe. when told to calm down and have a seat, she refused, telling the cop to be quiet.
she threw her shoe at the officer twice, hitting him in the foot the second time.
once he was hit, the police sergeant was called, who was greeted with a bag of pretzels to the chest.
the charge isn't listed, but i'm guessing it's assault. by something with salt. i like it.
so hooray for salty snack shenanigans, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
website spotlight: Tampa Bay Mugshots
you know, everyone does it.
at least if you're in hillsborough county.
you hear about a friend or an acquaintance that got arrested over the weekend, or late one night. you ask how it happened, ooh and ahh about the consequences, all while trying desperately to remember the person's first and last name so you can find their mugshot online through the sheriff's website.
catching up with this underground pastime, the st. pete times has just made it simpler for you!
mugshots.tampabay.com allows you to access a database of mugshots, and also allows you to browse the pictures of people who have been arrested in the last 24 hours. some of these shots are brutal, some of these people clearly thought it was a photo shoot.
in any case, look to the sheriff's department no more when you're looking for a mugshot.
if you wanna know someone's true weight or what they got arrested for...stick with the sheriff.
hooray for making mugshots merry, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
at least if you're in hillsborough county.
you hear about a friend or an acquaintance that got arrested over the weekend, or late one night. you ask how it happened, ooh and ahh about the consequences, all while trying desperately to remember the person's first and last name so you can find their mugshot online through the sheriff's website.
catching up with this underground pastime, the st. pete times has just made it simpler for you!
mugshots.tampabay.com allows you to access a database of mugshots, and also allows you to browse the pictures of people who have been arrested in the last 24 hours. some of these shots are brutal, some of these people clearly thought it was a photo shoot.
in any case, look to the sheriff's department no more when you're looking for a mugshot.
if you wanna know someone's true weight or what they got arrested for...stick with the sheriff.
hooray for making mugshots merry, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, April 6, 2009
gotta love that naked ambition...
he really went balls-to the wall on this one.
well, they would have been, had he been arrested.
frustrated with his time in america and desperate to go back to mexico, 28-year-old Roberto Carlos resorted to running naked through the streets of port st. lucie.
he and his boyfriend had been drinking, and when police arrived he told the police they had gotten drunk and started arguing.
planning to punch the cop (yes, the streaking was a plan B) to get himself arrested, he was informed by the cops that it would not be the prudent choice. so he stripped and ran.
no word on if he was arrested, deported, or merely forcibly clothed at the conclusion of the incident.
in any case, hooray for baring your soul for homesickness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
well, they would have been, had he been arrested.
frustrated with his time in america and desperate to go back to mexico, 28-year-old Roberto Carlos resorted to running naked through the streets of port st. lucie.
he and his boyfriend had been drinking, and when police arrived he told the police they had gotten drunk and started arguing.
planning to punch the cop (yes, the streaking was a plan B) to get himself arrested, he was informed by the cops that it would not be the prudent choice. so he stripped and ran.
no word on if he was arrested, deported, or merely forcibly clothed at the conclusion of the incident.
in any case, hooray for baring your soul for homesickness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
my triumphant return (or, thinking outside the bun)
i apologize for my long absence!
i got busy with school/work/LIFE decisions, and then weird stuff stopped happening in florida. it was weird in and of itself.
in any case, to the news!
"i think we're going to need a bigger truck."
when the curreys of dania beach argue, sometimes they need to get away. james currey's wife was having one of those days when she walked to the local taco bell this morning to escape the tension. she did not bank on james following her in his white chevy truck, ramming her car until it crashed through the front window of the eatery.
currey's wife escaped with only a few minor bumps and bruises, while he is still on the loose.
i suggest they look for a white chevy pickup with a bell imprint in the hood and beans smeared across the front.
so hooray for taking your marriage from mild to caliente, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
(it's good to say that again!)
i got busy with school/work/LIFE decisions, and then weird stuff stopped happening in florida. it was weird in and of itself.
in any case, to the news!
"i think we're going to need a bigger truck."
when the curreys of dania beach argue, sometimes they need to get away. james currey's wife was having one of those days when she walked to the local taco bell this morning to escape the tension. she did not bank on james following her in his white chevy truck, ramming her car until it crashed through the front window of the eatery.
currey's wife escaped with only a few minor bumps and bruises, while he is still on the loose.
i suggest they look for a white chevy pickup with a bell imprint in the hood and beans smeared across the front.
so hooray for taking your marriage from mild to caliente, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
(it's good to say that again!)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
don't show, don't tell.
no one's getting a brand new bag.
a tamarac preschool now bans the use of bookbags and backpacks for their students, after an unwelcome surprise turned up for show and tell.
a 4-year old unearthed a plastic baggie from his belongings wednesday, casually remarking, "that's my brother's weed." indeed, the boy's 21-year old brother had stashed his, well, stash, in his younger brother's school bag. however, the boy then changed his story, saying he found it on a table in his brother's room.
so now, the rule is no backpacks. and you'd think a "no weed" rule would suffice.
so hooray for prevention of pediatric potheads, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a tamarac preschool now bans the use of bookbags and backpacks for their students, after an unwelcome surprise turned up for show and tell.
a 4-year old unearthed a plastic baggie from his belongings wednesday, casually remarking, "that's my brother's weed." indeed, the boy's 21-year old brother had stashed his, well, stash, in his younger brother's school bag. however, the boy then changed his story, saying he found it on a table in his brother's room.
so now, the rule is no backpacks. and you'd think a "no weed" rule would suffice.
so hooray for prevention of pediatric potheads, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
a blunt a day
keeps the burglars away.
so imagine you were the driver of this truck. you're pulled over by the police, who uncover your cargo to find seventeen pot plants in the bed. how likely is it that your response would be, "i didn't want the burglars to get it?"
well, keep in mind that this excuse DOES NOT WORK.
a 26 year old man was arrested after receiving a tip that two men were moving plants into a truck. the 26 year old was charged with cultivating marijuana. the truck's driver was charged with possession of marijuana. he protested this, saying that he was only driving because his friend's license was suspended.
surprisingly, this didn't work.
the men were released on bond, but nothing was said about what happened to the burglars from the previous evening.
hooray for misguided marijuana moving, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
so imagine you were the driver of this truck. you're pulled over by the police, who uncover your cargo to find seventeen pot plants in the bed. how likely is it that your response would be, "i didn't want the burglars to get it?"
well, keep in mind that this excuse DOES NOT WORK.
a 26 year old man was arrested after receiving a tip that two men were moving plants into a truck. the 26 year old was charged with cultivating marijuana. the truck's driver was charged with possession of marijuana. he protested this, saying that he was only driving because his friend's license was suspended.
surprisingly, this didn't work.
the men were released on bond, but nothing was said about what happened to the burglars from the previous evening.
hooray for misguided marijuana moving, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
he'd lose his tires if they weren't attached to his car...
and apparently even if they were.
a largo man was released on $500 bail after a unique DUI experience.
besides driving under the influence with a 0.2 BAC reading, he was only driving on three wheels. his rear passenger tire was nowhere to be found. strangely enough, the police reported that the man had bloodshot eyes and uneven balance.
if i was driving on three wheels, my balance would be uneven too.
in any case, hooray for unknown wheel whereabouts, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a largo man was released on $500 bail after a unique DUI experience.
besides driving under the influence with a 0.2 BAC reading, he was only driving on three wheels. his rear passenger tire was nowhere to be found. strangely enough, the police reported that the man had bloodshot eyes and uneven balance.
if i was driving on three wheels, my balance would be uneven too.
in any case, hooray for unknown wheel whereabouts, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, March 9, 2009
a McMergency.
kelly hammond, this one's for you.
i play a game with my friend kelly, in which we try to fit "Mc" as a prefix to words that don't require it. i'll try to do that with this story. i won't make it too long in case it gets distracting.
latreasa goodman is really McPassionate about her McNuggets.
so much so, that she deemed it a McMergency when her Fort Pierce Golden Arches had a McShortage.
it would appear that goodman McOrdered her nuggets, and was told after she paid that they were out. she was refused a McRefund, and became enraged. this next part i'll lift directly from the article:
When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one."
it was a McShame for goodman though- not only did the police not retrieve her refund, but they also cited her for misuse of the Mc911 system.
i play a game with my friend kelly, in which we try to fit "Mc" as a prefix to words that don't require it. i'll try to do that with this story. i won't make it too long in case it gets distracting.
latreasa goodman is really McPassionate about her McNuggets.
so much so, that she deemed it a McMergency when her Fort Pierce Golden Arches had a McShortage.
it would appear that goodman McOrdered her nuggets, and was told after she paid that they were out. she was refused a McRefund, and became enraged. this next part i'll lift directly from the article:
When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one."
it was a McShame for goodman though- not only did the police not retrieve her refund, but they also cited her for misuse of the Mc911 system.
how sweet it is to be back.
but not as sweet as this.
a 65 year old fort pierce man was willing to do a lot for a klondike bar. that included shoving it down his pants at a texaco station. not the best place to keep it, given its relative temperature.
concerned about his chances of being picked up for shoplifting, he removed it, flattened though it was, and offered the gas station attendant $69 to keep this whole thing a secret.
if he had $69, why bother to steal the novelty? just saying.
in any case, it didn't work, and he's now in jail on $500 bail.
delicious.
a 65 year old fort pierce man was willing to do a lot for a klondike bar. that included shoving it down his pants at a texaco station. not the best place to keep it, given its relative temperature.
concerned about his chances of being picked up for shoplifting, he removed it, flattened though it was, and offered the gas station attendant $69 to keep this whole thing a secret.
if he had $69, why bother to steal the novelty? just saying.
in any case, it didn't work, and he's now in jail on $500 bail.
delicious.
Friday, February 27, 2009
don't ask, don't pay...
but you'll still get in trouble.
a fort pierce man is being held on $5,000 bail foor retail theft after stealing from a convenience store. but in his defense, he didn't think he had to pay. you know, because he was in iraq.
the 31-year old man was confronted by police at a truck stop, where a search uncovered M&M's, a beer, two black t-shirts, and other food items. he said he paid for them, but no clerk could ID him, saying he had not paid.
the man could be heard screaming that he had served overseas in the military, and thus "could steal all the M&Ms [he] wanted."
he should lobby the government as that for an addition to the GI Bill.
so hooray for legislation as the result of larceny, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a fort pierce man is being held on $5,000 bail foor retail theft after stealing from a convenience store. but in his defense, he didn't think he had to pay. you know, because he was in iraq.
the 31-year old man was confronted by police at a truck stop, where a search uncovered M&M's, a beer, two black t-shirts, and other food items. he said he paid for them, but no clerk could ID him, saying he had not paid.
the man could be heard screaming that he had served overseas in the military, and thus "could steal all the M&Ms [he] wanted."
he should lobby the government as that for an addition to the GI Bill.
so hooray for legislation as the result of larceny, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
batman's back...all right!
and to think he thought he was done professionally...
walsh ian nichols was taken from his caped glory in ybor months ago, arrested on the curb while eating sushi. note: with all the gadgets, speed and anonymity, THIS is how batman gets taken down? Really?
anyway, the nisdemeanor charges he faced for being masked on public property were dismissed in court last week, and he can return to protecting the streets of ybor city.
also returned, his custom made cape.
maybe the best part is his attorney's comments:
"The streets of Tampa are safe again," said Kevin Hayslett. "Ybor is a better place to have Batman in it."
so hooray for the safe return of our own dark knight, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
walsh ian nichols was taken from his caped glory in ybor months ago, arrested on the curb while eating sushi. note: with all the gadgets, speed and anonymity, THIS is how batman gets taken down? Really?
anyway, the nisdemeanor charges he faced for being masked on public property were dismissed in court last week, and he can return to protecting the streets of ybor city.
also returned, his custom made cape.
maybe the best part is his attorney's comments:
"The streets of Tampa are safe again," said Kevin Hayslett. "Ybor is a better place to have Batman in it."
so hooray for the safe return of our own dark knight, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
VIDEO: paula deen, saucy minx.
i love paula deen, not just for her fearless use of butter, or her absolutely delicious end result (the only place i've ever eaten that i got a cramp, JUST from eating), but for her comfort with herself.
but even her ego had to be smarting for this.
in a way, i suppose it's a good thing. our dearest paula has clearly been losing a little weight lately, and she has the gap in her pants to show it. when wiggling around in them during a demonstration at the south beach food festival, she had what janet jackson is now forcing us to call a "wardrobe malfunction." they fell right down. there was no skin shown, for she was wearing nude spanx. but, to the "untrained eye" (the word of the anchors), it looks as though she mooned the shocked audience.
one of my favorite parts? the anchor commentary. the male anchor said earlier in the segment that he salivated every time he saw her. post-flashing, his female counterpart asked if he was salivating then...
so hooray for saucy sextogenarians, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
but even her ego had to be smarting for this.
in a way, i suppose it's a good thing. our dearest paula has clearly been losing a little weight lately, and she has the gap in her pants to show it. when wiggling around in them during a demonstration at the south beach food festival, she had what janet jackson is now forcing us to call a "wardrobe malfunction." they fell right down. there was no skin shown, for she was wearing nude spanx. but, to the "untrained eye" (the word of the anchors), it looks as though she mooned the shocked audience.
one of my favorite parts? the anchor commentary. the male anchor said earlier in the segment that he salivated every time he saw her. post-flashing, his female counterpart asked if he was salivating then...
so hooray for saucy sextogenarians, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
he's got cars in his eyes...
but is not a jukebox hero.
let this be a lesson to you.
drummers hide behind their drums, and thus lots of people aren't always sure what they look like.
but if a 48 year old transient man meets you in tampa and tells you he's cory james, drummer for foreigner, ask for proof. and certainly, certainly, you do not lend him your car.
the fake drummer from foreigner then managed to get this woman's 2002 corvette from the valet of the clearwater hilton, and crashed it a short time later. he's currently in jail in clearwater, on several charges including grand theft auto.
and a final note, for future reference: in all these years, foreigner has had six drummers. none of them were named cory james.
let this be a lesson to you.
drummers hide behind their drums, and thus lots of people aren't always sure what they look like.
but if a 48 year old transient man meets you in tampa and tells you he's cory james, drummer for foreigner, ask for proof. and certainly, certainly, you do not lend him your car.
the fake drummer from foreigner then managed to get this woman's 2002 corvette from the valet of the clearwater hilton, and crashed it a short time later. he's currently in jail in clearwater, on several charges including grand theft auto.
and a final note, for future reference: in all these years, foreigner has had six drummers. none of them were named cory james.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
this is where huffing gets you...
but i'll say it: this story is a gas.
yes, it's an obvious pun, but i like it.
and if you run out of gas after robbing a gas station, you've earned the right for me to go for the easy joke.
an unidentified 23 year old man is in jail tonight, pending $10,000 bail, after robbing a Cape Haze gas station with a 12 inch blade.
none of his robbery was performed with a pump. therein lies his problem. for when the police were looking for the robber soon after the event, an onlooker noted that a man had run out of gas not far from the station.
so hooray for running on empty in more ways than one, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
yes, it's an obvious pun, but i like it.
and if you run out of gas after robbing a gas station, you've earned the right for me to go for the easy joke.
an unidentified 23 year old man is in jail tonight, pending $10,000 bail, after robbing a Cape Haze gas station with a 12 inch blade.
none of his robbery was performed with a pump. therein lies his problem. for when the police were looking for the robber soon after the event, an onlooker noted that a man had run out of gas not far from the station.
so hooray for running on empty in more ways than one, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
liquid courage, liquid medicine...
in a bonding moment, they're all the same.
or so an 8-year old boy said, after a failed experiment testing his driving prowess. the boy's father, bradenton's mark belanger, allowed him to drive after taking "liquid medicine" in the form of whiskey, in hopes of calming down his wooziness. it's worth mentioning that the wooziness was brought on by the xanax he took for his panic attacks. however, he allowed the boy to drive in hopes of creating a "bonding moment" in his (likely slurred) words.
in any case, this could have gone better. in his inaugural driving experience, the son hit two trees, as well as nearly hitting two pedestrians, in a parking lot.
at the end of the day, belanger is in jail with over $10,000 needed to post bail, on charges of child abuse and permitting an unlicensed driver to drive.
so hooray for quality father son time leading to hard time, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
or so an 8-year old boy said, after a failed experiment testing his driving prowess. the boy's father, bradenton's mark belanger, allowed him to drive after taking "liquid medicine" in the form of whiskey, in hopes of calming down his wooziness. it's worth mentioning that the wooziness was brought on by the xanax he took for his panic attacks. however, he allowed the boy to drive in hopes of creating a "bonding moment" in his (likely slurred) words.
in any case, this could have gone better. in his inaugural driving experience, the son hit two trees, as well as nearly hitting two pedestrians, in a parking lot.
at the end of the day, belanger is in jail with over $10,000 needed to post bail, on charges of child abuse and permitting an unlicensed driver to drive.
so hooray for quality father son time leading to hard time, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
i'm having an ethical dilemma here...
is this better hair to find in a mcdonald's?
on one hand, yes, better this way than in your food. but what if the hair is stolen?
the chase started with a call from the fort pierce beauty supplies and more, saying that they had just been robbed, but the two teenage thieves, later found to be aged 12 and 15, had gone to the mcdonald's across the street.
when they were found in the mickey d's, the two denied having gone to the store. however, when police noted that the 12 year old's jacket was "unnaturally puffed out" (a dangerous assumption, given that they HAD to go to McDonald's instead of completing the caper), police asked her to open it. hidden inside were four fake hairpieces and a packet of rubberized hair bands.
you know, to hold them on.
her 15 year old male accomplice then came clean, copping to having taken a $3.50 bottle of hair growing serum, handed to him by the girl.
they were both charged with petty theft and sent to a juvenile detention center.
wonder if she'll cornrow the new hair when she gets in...
so hooray for burglary stopped by burgers, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
on one hand, yes, better this way than in your food. but what if the hair is stolen?
the chase started with a call from the fort pierce beauty supplies and more, saying that they had just been robbed, but the two teenage thieves, later found to be aged 12 and 15, had gone to the mcdonald's across the street.
when they were found in the mickey d's, the two denied having gone to the store. however, when police noted that the 12 year old's jacket was "unnaturally puffed out" (a dangerous assumption, given that they HAD to go to McDonald's instead of completing the caper), police asked her to open it. hidden inside were four fake hairpieces and a packet of rubberized hair bands.
you know, to hold them on.
her 15 year old male accomplice then came clean, copping to having taken a $3.50 bottle of hair growing serum, handed to him by the girl.
they were both charged with petty theft and sent to a juvenile detention center.
wonder if she'll cornrow the new hair when she gets in...
so hooray for burglary stopped by burgers, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, February 9, 2009
could it be?
two ludicrous 911 calls in one day?
technically three, as you'll find out.
first daytona beach, and now in zephyrhills. both men thirsty, both men in trouble.
911 received a call saturday morning from a convenience store clerk, upset that a customer was harrassing her for not selling beer at the time of his arrival. (i believe the time is 9am, but that may vary by county).
get this. minutes later, the same dispatcher fielded a phone call from the customer. in an "abusive" tone, he complained about the clerk. so the police went out to investigate the cause for the tandem phone calls. the result? a charge for disorderly conduct to the man, though he was bailed out soon after, and no charges to the agitated clerk.
for those keeping score:
2 calls (in this story) + 1 (for lemonade in daytona beach) = 3 ludicrous phone calls!
(ah-ah-ah!)
so hooray for a bust-up over brew, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
technically three, as you'll find out.
first daytona beach, and now in zephyrhills. both men thirsty, both men in trouble.
911 received a call saturday morning from a convenience store clerk, upset that a customer was harrassing her for not selling beer at the time of his arrival. (i believe the time is 9am, but that may vary by county).
get this. minutes later, the same dispatcher fielded a phone call from the customer. in an "abusive" tone, he complained about the clerk. so the police went out to investigate the cause for the tandem phone calls. the result? a charge for disorderly conduct to the man, though he was bailed out soon after, and no charges to the agitated clerk.
for those keeping score:
2 calls (in this story) + 1 (for lemonade in daytona beach) = 3 ludicrous phone calls!
(ah-ah-ah!)
so hooray for a bust-up over brew, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
do i love my jeans this much?
probably not.
i'm a fairly young woman. i have had fights with my sister over jeans. but never like this.
two brothers, aged 23 and 25, got into a tussle over a pair of jeans. the fight escalated, some would say out of control, and punches were traded.
seeking the upper hand, the younger of the two ran to his truck, returning to strike his brother in the back of the head with a recently acquired tire iron before taking off running. he later returned to the house, admitting remorse as he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.
they never resolve these stories. what happened to the pants? whose were they to begin with?
hooray for passion for your pants, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i'm a fairly young woman. i have had fights with my sister over jeans. but never like this.
two brothers, aged 23 and 25, got into a tussle over a pair of jeans. the fight escalated, some would say out of control, and punches were traded.
seeking the upper hand, the younger of the two ran to his truck, returning to strike his brother in the back of the head with a recently acquired tire iron before taking off running. he later returned to the house, admitting remorse as he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.
they never resolve these stories. what happened to the pants? whose were they to begin with?
hooray for passion for your pants, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
two things that you can guarantee here in florida.
(1) lemonade is delicious.
(2) old people complain about things.
Jean Fortune just wanted some Burger King and a lemonade to go along with. When he was told that there wasn't any, he took it to be an emergent situation.
And called 911.
He was charged with abuse of 911 communication (today's "they can charge you for that?" award winner). No word as to whether he got lemonade or not.
Hooray for getting lemons and making a scene, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
(2) old people complain about things.
Jean Fortune just wanted some Burger King and a lemonade to go along with. When he was told that there wasn't any, he took it to be an emergent situation.
And called 911.
He was charged with abuse of 911 communication (today's "they can charge you for that?" award winner). No word as to whether he got lemonade or not.
Hooray for getting lemons and making a scene, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
i love food related assault stories. i really do.
and this one wraps itself up.
if you happen to go to goomba's in flagler county, and your order turns up incorrect, just let it slide. seriously.
need a reason? i'll give you the last line of the article (and i really love the way some of these stories are written):
"the customer was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said had been prepared incorrectly. he was taken to the hospital after the incident with a bloodied head."
footage from the security camera sheds a bit of light on the incident: it shows the customer in question approaching the counter, only to have the owner strike him and his roommate with a gun, jump the counter, and then beat them. the owner was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and placed in jail.
was the money returned? did the man with the bloody head get a new calzone? the daytona beach news journal doesn't say...
so hooray for proving the customer apparently is not always right, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if you happen to go to goomba's in flagler county, and your order turns up incorrect, just let it slide. seriously.
need a reason? i'll give you the last line of the article (and i really love the way some of these stories are written):
"the customer was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said had been prepared incorrectly. he was taken to the hospital after the incident with a bloodied head."
footage from the security camera sheds a bit of light on the incident: it shows the customer in question approaching the counter, only to have the owner strike him and his roommate with a gun, jump the counter, and then beat them. the owner was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and placed in jail.
was the money returned? did the man with the bloody head get a new calzone? the daytona beach news journal doesn't say...
so hooray for proving the customer apparently is not always right, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
another thing i would not steal under any circumstances...
A FOOT.
on september 19th, a crash in st lucie county resulted in death to one of the passengers in the vehicle. another odd side effect: a missing foot.
the foot was later found in the custody of a firefighter who had reported to the site that day. she was reportedly using it to cadaver train her dog. she resigned in a matter unrelated to the foot stealing incident, but was arrested monday over the missing limb.
however, the severity of the charge cannot yet be assessed. why? the charge classification is determined by the monetary value of the item stolen. what value do you place on your foot? what value did the owner place on his foot? who knows?
so hooray for getting to the heart of the foot matter, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
on september 19th, a crash in st lucie county resulted in death to one of the passengers in the vehicle. another odd side effect: a missing foot.
the foot was later found in the custody of a firefighter who had reported to the site that day. she was reportedly using it to cadaver train her dog. she resigned in a matter unrelated to the foot stealing incident, but was arrested monday over the missing limb.
however, the severity of the charge cannot yet be assessed. why? the charge classification is determined by the monetary value of the item stolen. what value do you place on your foot? what value did the owner place on his foot? who knows?
so hooray for getting to the heart of the foot matter, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
there are very few things i would steal.
underwear is NOT one of them.
especially from mons venus. but tell it to tara lynn woodruff. the 23-year-old dancer at the famed strip club has been charged with a grand theft felony after stealing the underwear and clothing of a fellow dancer.
woodruff said that she thought the bag containing the contraband clothing belonged to her. however, she was viewed on videotape as taking the bag, also containing three bikinis worth $55 each, and placing it inside a larger bag. she was arrested at the club just before midnight Monday.
so hooray for unidentified undies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
especially from mons venus. but tell it to tara lynn woodruff. the 23-year-old dancer at the famed strip club has been charged with a grand theft felony after stealing the underwear and clothing of a fellow dancer.
woodruff said that she thought the bag containing the contraband clothing belonged to her. however, she was viewed on videotape as taking the bag, also containing three bikinis worth $55 each, and placing it inside a larger bag. she was arrested at the club just before midnight Monday.
so hooray for unidentified undies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
who knew pancakes could cause such a ruckus?
they're so sweet, after all...
Francheska Garcia-Olivo found herself in Orient road Jail on $7500 bail last week, after an argument over butter and syrup for pancakes got heated. As the syrup was, we would hope. Angered about something in regards to the pancake fixings, she threw a wooden vase at her roommate. Michael Wilson, 27, was struck with the vase, but it caused no visible injuries.
So hooray for deliciousness leading to delinquency, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Francheska Garcia-Olivo found herself in Orient road Jail on $7500 bail last week, after an argument over butter and syrup for pancakes got heated. As the syrup was, we would hope. Angered about something in regards to the pancake fixings, she threw a wooden vase at her roommate. Michael Wilson, 27, was struck with the vase, but it caused no visible injuries.
So hooray for deliciousness leading to delinquency, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
the bus, the bus, the bus is on fire...
we don't need no shoes, let the mother f***er burn...
a school trip to universal studios got a bit more epic than expected for 43 students and their chaperones in palm beach. the bus caught fire on the florida turnpike, and the occupants of the bus were forced to the side of the road, waiting for a replacement bus as theirs burned to a shell.
seventeen students lost backpacks in the fire, while two lost shoes (why?), so the bus was forced to stop at a wal-mart, lest they be refused entrance without shoes after such an adventure.
and yet, for all the hubbub, one mother claims the kids "had a blast" and genuinely enjoyed the trip, despite it nearly literally going up in smoke.
so hooray for accidentally exciting field trips, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
only you can help
identify this furniture-stealing tool.
the search for the missing chair from the hyde park pita pit is still on. as you may recall, a chair went missing from the eatery after a drunk macdinton's patron came to the restaurant, ordered food, and decided he also wanted a chair to go.
this video, courtesy of the store's security camera, shows the theft, but not who the thief was, at least not clearly.
so it's up to you. if you can identify this restaurant furniture enthusiast, speak up. the pita pit will feed you for free in exchange for information.
so hooray for falafel-induced crime tips, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
so listen, i love wings.
clearly not as much as calvin edwards loves wings.
calvin loves wings so much, he'd pull a knife in an argument with his brother over them. i don't feel similarly.
calvin and his brother were in the kitchen with their mother, when a skirmish broke out between the two, presumably over who got the last one, but the article doesn't say. calvin pulled a pocket knife on his brother and threatened to cut him. i like this particular part of the article, so i'll give it to you verbatim:
"the brother backed away and went to notify authorities, fearing he'd be cut." his only injury is on his wrist, but fear not emo kids: it's from trying to escape being cut.
in another surprise, when the police did arrive, they couldn't find the knife. when you think about it, they do resemble a wing in build...hope nothing dangerous happened.
so here's to an unhealthy love of chicken, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
stage violence: now with real violence!
but wait, there's more!
i don't know how okay the audience would be with this level of authenticity.
bill bordy, the vice president of the sarasota senior theater was practicing a scene from steinbeck's "of mice and men", when he got a little bit too real. this evokes horror stories of overly zealous community theater directors, urging perfection and pushing their actors to deliver real performances. however, it's a good thing he missed.
bordy pointed the gun at fred kellerman, another actor in the production, and pulled the trigger. a very real bang ensued, and a very real bullet grazed kellerman's ear, due to bordy's thankfully bad aim. really.
practice resumed two hours later, in true fashion of dedicated performers, but with another actor understandably taking kellerman's place. i should point out, it's been a while since i read of mice and men, but i don't remember that part...
hooray for always striving for stage superiority, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
well, the cat's out of the bag...
the monkey is NOT out of the cage.
thousands of current and former UF students, faculty and staff received a cryptic, if sexy, message on their cell phones Tuesday night: "the monkey is out of the cage." however, it wasn't intentional. a former employee of the company that provides UF's emergency text message alert system admits to sending the message by accident.
while this hilarious but useless message was sent out over the airwaves en masse, it does not appear that any sensitive University information was disseminated in the same way.
of course, who's to say that a disgruntled employee with his monkey out of its cage ISN'T an emergency?
hooray for a new form of "sexting", and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
crash....into me...
and the liquor store, and a truck, and a fence...
and also, a tree. but i didn't want to ruin it all in one shot.
an oldsmar man sits behind bars in the pinellas county jail tonight after several consecutive collisions. it started when he left the liquor store. as do all truly epic stories such as this.
he backed into the truck trying to leave, adjusted, and drove forward...into the liquor store. seeing the chaos, he fled. in the process, he hit a tree, a vacant business, and a fence. needless to say, he didn't succeed in fleeing, and he was taken to the hospital with on-threatening injuries.
so, hooray for alcohol-induced bumper cars, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
This IS a mayor...
and these ARE good things to pick up on.
I should mention, in the interest of full disclosure, that I am working on a campaign to Oren Koules to become a Jumbtron copy editor for the Tampa Bay Lightning. Besides being a huge fan, I'm also a grammar Nazi, and there are too many instances of errors on the big screen recently that have made me want to cry. We have one of the biggest display screens in the NHL, and inexcusable mistakes.
In any case, it makes me happy that other parts of Channelside are working on keeping the rest of the country from believing that we're idiots. Presently, there is a banner in downtown Tampa, reading "Welcome to Tampa Bay: There's so many reasons to like it." Pam Iorio is urging city officials to change it before the Super Bowl comes into town next week, lest it make us look stupid in front of the rest of the country, and indeed the world.
...
For the benefit of those who may not pick up on the error (for instance, the MAKER OF THE BANNER), I'll explain. "There's" would be correct if there were only one reason to like Tampa Bay. Were there to be more than one reason, the contraction should read "There're", for "there are". "There are" would be equally acceptable (and quite frankly, more aesthetically pleasing).
So HOORAY (and I mean that) for a mayor who gets the importance of good grammar, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
I should mention, in the interest of full disclosure, that I am working on a campaign to Oren Koules to become a Jumbtron copy editor for the Tampa Bay Lightning. Besides being a huge fan, I'm also a grammar Nazi, and there are too many instances of errors on the big screen recently that have made me want to cry. We have one of the biggest display screens in the NHL, and inexcusable mistakes.
In any case, it makes me happy that other parts of Channelside are working on keeping the rest of the country from believing that we're idiots. Presently, there is a banner in downtown Tampa, reading "Welcome to Tampa Bay: There's so many reasons to like it." Pam Iorio is urging city officials to change it before the Super Bowl comes into town next week, lest it make us look stupid in front of the rest of the country, and indeed the world.
...
For the benefit of those who may not pick up on the error (for instance, the MAKER OF THE BANNER), I'll explain. "There's" would be correct if there were only one reason to like Tampa Bay. Were there to be more than one reason, the contraction should read "There're", for "there are". "There are" would be equally acceptable (and quite frankly, more aesthetically pleasing).
So HOORAY (and I mean that) for a mayor who gets the importance of good grammar, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
seriously, just bizarre...
flew out of the plane and off the handle.
38 year old Marcus Schrenker, 38, of Indiana has this week been captured after staging a major plane crash to avoiding having to pay off debts and embezzled funds. it would appear that schenker was practicing as a money manager, even after his license expired in indiana.
he charged several investors over a quarter of a million dollars for services that he couldn't provide, and then later described himself as "financially insolvent." this insolvency was likely due to the $9 million in court claims he had amassed over the years. he was planning to file for bankrupcy in 2009, and then found what he clearly thought was a better idea.
he flew a plane toward the southeast, before faking a distress call and bailing out of the plane via parachute. he was seen in florida a few days later, before he was finally found in chattahoochee, wrists slit, near death, and muttering the words "die."
i can't even HOORAY on this one, as it is both horrible for the amount of money that he managed to take, and heartbreaking for the level of covert activity he felt he had to resort to, in order to escape the financial ruin that has hit everyone so hard these past few months.
38 year old Marcus Schrenker, 38, of Indiana has this week been captured after staging a major plane crash to avoiding having to pay off debts and embezzled funds. it would appear that schenker was practicing as a money manager, even after his license expired in indiana.
he charged several investors over a quarter of a million dollars for services that he couldn't provide, and then later described himself as "financially insolvent." this insolvency was likely due to the $9 million in court claims he had amassed over the years. he was planning to file for bankrupcy in 2009, and then found what he clearly thought was a better idea.
he flew a plane toward the southeast, before faking a distress call and bailing out of the plane via parachute. he was seen in florida a few days later, before he was finally found in chattahoochee, wrists slit, near death, and muttering the words "die."
i can't even HOORAY on this one, as it is both horrible for the amount of money that he managed to take, and heartbreaking for the level of covert activity he felt he had to resort to, in order to escape the financial ruin that has hit everyone so hard these past few months.
the "monkey business" pun is too easy...
but i can't wait for the shit to hit the fan on this one.
i'm not being crass, or stereotypical. the monkey that is in fact on the loose in pinellas county has been known to throw his feces when he feels threatened.
clearwater police spokespeople have said that they do not know the origin of the loosed rhesus monkey, but know that citizens who choose to keep such an animal as a pet are required to have permits and special caging to contain them.
the associated press have referred to this monkey as a "fugitive." now, i'm curious, what did it do?
and the link for this story refers to this story as "anyone missing their monkey?"
...hey-o.
first the chair at the pita pit, and now this monkey. somewhere there's a monkey sitting in a stolen chair, flinging feces to save his life, i'll bet.
so hooray for suspicious simians roaming the streets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i'm not being crass, or stereotypical. the monkey that is in fact on the loose in pinellas county has been known to throw his feces when he feels threatened.
clearwater police spokespeople have said that they do not know the origin of the loosed rhesus monkey, but know that citizens who choose to keep such an animal as a pet are required to have permits and special caging to contain them.
the associated press have referred to this monkey as a "fugitive." now, i'm curious, what did it do?
and the link for this story refers to this story as "anyone missing their monkey?"
...hey-o.
first the chair at the pita pit, and now this monkey. somewhere there's a monkey sitting in a stolen chair, flinging feces to save his life, i'll bet.
so hooray for suspicious simians roaming the streets, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, January 12, 2009
the florida anti-tampering act.
come to find out, it also applies to pie.
april evans was charged with donestic violence, delivery of a controlled substance, and violation of the florida anti-tampering act. all for serving her husband some pie.
the woman, eager to get her husband to fall asleep so she could sleep in another room uninterrupted (or unaccosted) reportedly served her husband a slice of pie "in an erotic manner." chocolate, in case you were wondering.
however, in this pie were also the ground remains of one Xanax, two Valium, and an Ambien. panama city police report that while she was only trying to get him to go to sleep, the dosage could have easily killed him. thankfully, jeffrey evans will live to see another day, and eat more pie. though maybe not pie made by his wife.
so hooray for recipes for disaster, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
april evans was charged with donestic violence, delivery of a controlled substance, and violation of the florida anti-tampering act. all for serving her husband some pie.
the woman, eager to get her husband to fall asleep so she could sleep in another room uninterrupted (or unaccosted) reportedly served her husband a slice of pie "in an erotic manner." chocolate, in case you were wondering.
however, in this pie were also the ground remains of one Xanax, two Valium, and an Ambien. panama city police report that while she was only trying to get him to go to sleep, the dosage could have easily killed him. thankfully, jeffrey evans will live to see another day, and eat more pie. though maybe not pie made by his wife.
so hooray for recipes for disaster, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, January 9, 2009
you either get stealth, or girth.
and never the two shall work together...
an unidentified palm beach man was caught today trying to steal atms, but was caught on camera outside the walgreens.
he at least tried to disguise himself as he first tried to break into, and then tried to outright dislodge, the machines.
unfortunately, his considerable girth betrayed his desire to be invisible...as a ninja.
there is no word as to what the charges are, but the fashion police don't appear to have been called.
hooray for living your dreams, no matter how unsuccessful, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
the great chair mystery.
this is a more serious problem than you think.
the pita pit in soho is missing a chair. and it's serious.
"now pita pit is down to only nine chairs. they're not, like, cheap chairs. we have to get them shipped."
please note, the chairs are shipped from idaho.
apparently, a drunk patron that wandered over from macdinton's took a liking to said chair, made a clear decision, and dragged it out the door and across howard avenue. the owners of the pita pit went after the thief, but could not catch up with them.
repeat. the owners of the pita pit. could not keep up with a drunk person. a drunk person dragging a chair.
in any case, the hunt is on. and if you're the tenth person to get in the pita pit, lean by the door.
hooray for silly mysteries, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i like the quality descriptions in this story...
but the rest is just crappy.
a 'repugnant' odor was said to be coming from the porch of a fort pierce woman, when it was discovered to be a 'human bowel movement', complete with toilet paper!
the victim reported that she heard the doorbell ring, and saw a red jeep cherokee in the driveway. she didn't recognize the car, and didn't answer the door. neighbors later told her that a 'heavyset woman' left the stinky surprise on her porch before driving away. why the build detail was necessary, i don't even know.
despite the uniqueness of a mary kay woman in an SUV, there are no suspects at present. and far less surprising, no DNA evidence was collected. who'd want to?
hooray for crappy capers, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
a heisman legacy burden in the making...
may he share his namesake's faith and rocket arm.
clearwater's tom bradley strictly instructed his wife to not give birth until after the florida-oklahoma championship game. but she couldn't hold on. that is to say, his new son couldn't hold on- he felt he needed to see the game too. as a reward, he got a unique name, and likely a burden of expected football skills.
logan tebow bradley was born tuesday at morton plant hospital in clearwater- his mother insisted on being allowed to pick his first name. after the debaucle with the baby named for john mccain and sarah palin, i can't blame her for exercising that right.
tom says it's a winning sign. millions of gator fans are likely feeling the same way tonight.
and now, in honor of the big game...
can we put the country's welfare on hold?
i understand that a lot of people feel more strongly about football than i do.
however, cliff stearns thinks it's important enough to postpone voting in the US senate.
stearns wrote a note to house speaker nancy pelosi requesting that votes scheduled for thursday night and friday morning (though not specified, maybe related to the economic stimulus package being proposed) be moved to an earlier date to allow him and his fellow delegates from florida and oklahoma to leave and attend the bcs championship game in miami thursday night. he attached a handwritten note to his typed plea: "madam speaker, kindly consider. thanks, cliff."
it should be noted that stearns was the only one of his fellow delegates from florida and oklahoma to sign the note.
no word as to whether his request was granted.
So hooray for fanatical fans, and HOORAY FLORIDA! (the state, not the blog, as i'm not informed enough to choose sides)
Monday, January 5, 2009
gangsta speak of the day:
"grill, a decorative accessory worn over the teeth and favored by rappers"
it just seems like poor form to take ostentatious things from people's houses. the result can only be bad: who isn't going to notice?
to that end, if i were the 18 year old houseguest of the 29-year old baller in question, i would not be stealing, for example, a crunk goblet or cristal. or, in this instance, his grill and OxyContin.
the article says, and i quote: "the prescription medication is listed as oxycodone, while the grill is described as 14 carat yellow gold and valued at about $350."
the woman is wanted on charges of theft and criminal mischief. so, if you see a suspiciously baller 18 year old acting oddly, you might want to tell the cops.
hooray for being both bold and baller, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
this would wig me out too...
and then i asked for $20.
raymond l bowen has been arrested several times in pasco county as his alter ego, alexis. his most recent mugshot, in which he is still wearing the black wig customary of her look, is evidence of this.
raymond l bowen has been arrested several times in pasco county as his alter ego, alexis. his most recent mugshot, in which he is still wearing the black wig customary of her look, is evidence of this.
however, this is quite the interesting story. bowen climbed into the truck of a 59 year old Clearwater man, where he started fondling him. the following exchange went down:
ALEXIS: I need to make 20 bucks.
DRIVER: Get out of my truck.
alexis refused, arguing with the man until he found a safe place to pull over. after more arguing, the driver finally managed to call 911, and alexis was apprehended about 1/4 of a mile away. "she" was arrested on charges of burglary battery and criminal mischief.
So hooray for the crazy things some people will do for money, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
playing catchup.
in the craziness of the holidays, i'm gonna throw out a reader's digest version of several stories i found late in december, but was too busy (or unmotivated) to post for you. enjoy, and it's a whole lot of HOORAY at once, so be careful!
it's legal to spit in sarasota now! it was a law dating way back to prevent the spread of pathogens and disease from all the saliva in the streets. but they realized (finally) that it's a nearly unenforceable crime. Commissioner Kelly Kirschener suggested they start in baseball dugouts.
eggbeaters = a hot commodity in plant city. two men forcibly entered a house in plant city, demanding an eggbeater from the owner. and no, this wasn't code for anything- an eggbeater was found in one of the men's pockets upon their arrest, where they were charged with armed burglary of a dwelling and aggravated assault.
someone, somewhere is pissed. 26-year old devin perry is being held in alachua county jail for the theft of a fridge containing urine samples from a probation center. apparently he was taking them for "drug use." the fridge is still unaccounted for, but perry remains in jail. course, at this point, they could really follow their noses to the missing samples.
and in the category of stupid s*** teenage girls do... 9 girls from a boynton beach middle school were arrested for declining to share details about a fight on the school bus. it was later discovered, i'll find the story soon, that one of the girls pulled a knife. it does not remotely surprise me that something like that could happen on a school bus. needless to say, they're not allowed to ride the bus anymore. however, counterpoint: should these girls really be carpooling?
and this one is my personal favorite. a woman walked on campus to westchase elementary school, approached another woman while she was eating with six-year-olds, repeatedly punched her, left the lunchroom, yelled profanities at students, urinated in the hallway, and then was removed. she said it was an accident. i'm sure the cold bottle of her wine in her purse played a role as well. in any case, it's one of my favorite stories of 2008, no question. it just has so many parts! so many amazing parts!
may 2009 prove to be as prolific a year as 2008 was. otherwise, i'm out of a job!
hooray 2009!
and to start, here's some good old American ingenuity.
Ocala's Kelly Lemay called the police on her husband after an argument. After seeing no marks on her, they packed it in and left.
She called them a second time that evening, and when they came, she had a black eye. She told the cops that her husband had hit her in the face with a frying pan. However, as they were handcuffing him and sending him away, she came clean, admitting to hitting herself in the face to get the cops to pay attention.
Then it was her turn in the handcuffs, charged with filing a false report.
As they say, "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself."
Hooray for trying new things in 2009, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
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