a lesson from ryan reynolds

"that's the thing about fire trucks...you need some sort of warning that they're coming...?!?!"

back before ryan reynolds was known for being jacked and extremely sarcastic, he was on a show called "two guys and a girl". after his roommate almost got hit by a fire truck, he said this line to him.

but unfortunately, a st pete man didn't get such a warning, and the results were disastrous. firefighters were dispatched to treat a bleeding man who was listed as "nearby." the firefighters suited up, took off from the station...and hit the man. it would appear that "nearby" was 2-3 feet from the station, in front of the doors.

police spokesman bill proffitt said that the victim may have been lying so close to the doors that he was out of sight of those on the engine. the victim was airlifted to bayfront medical center, where he seems to have made it all the way in and treated safely.

so hooray for fast firefighter follies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

cougar town, fl.

well, of course it is.

the opening sequence of cougar town, the new show premiering tonight starring courteney cox, zooms in to a map of florida, witha star centering in on the sarasota/venice area.

surprise! florida is the place people think about when older women picking up younger men comes to mind.

co-creator kevin biegel graduated from riverview high school in 1994, and the area stayed in his mind as he was creating the show with co-creator bill lawrence (of "scrubs", "spin city", and my personal favorite, "clone high", fame). he imagines the area in which cougar town is set as being between sarasota and venice.

the rest of the article talks more about biegel's path to success from his time as a student at BC, but the goal here is to point out a simple fact:

when you think of cougars, think of florida.

hooray for classy cougar connections, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

"and that's why you never take someone's soda"

someone might be using it to teach someone a lesson.

sylvia tagle has what i'd like to call an 'interesting' style of teaching. the miami-dade county school district isn't really a believer in it. but i'm not either.

the special needs teacher was charged with abuse for several offenses, including pulling a student's hair. but the most egregious offense, and the one she was found guilty of? spiking a student's soda with hot sauce.

she says that the student took it from her desk while she was working with other students. but the story of the authorities differs slightly, saying that she gave it to an autistic boy to teach a lesson.

tagle will be sentenced october 7th, and has been removed from her job at the bob graham educational center in the interim.

so hooray for discipline served super spicy, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

wii would like to put you under arrest...

but we do admire your big score!

this is slightly bigger than being caught singing into your hairbrush.

polk county police officers were conducting a drug raid at the home of convicted drug dealer michael difalco, when they discovered a nintendo wii among his belongings. one female officer picked up the remote and commenced wii bowling. when she bowled two consecutive strikes, she raised her arms in triumph.

how do we know this in such great detail? difalco had, among his wares that included flat screen TVs and guns, a wireless security camera attached to his computer. apparently, at least one other officer was involved, but there is little belief that the behavior will affect the case of difalco, who was already convicted when the search was conducted.

so hooray for polemic police playtime, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

well, they are the #1 threat to america...

but what's a bear resistant trash can?

a small private school in seminole county will unfortunately have to find out, after a lockdown caused by the presence of a loose black bear in the area.

the 200 pound bear wandered onto the campus of pace brantley hall school early tuesday morning, only to be chased up a tree by deputies who arrived to regulate the situation.

after a time, the bear climbed back out of the tree and walked away, as calmly as he had come.

the cause of the bear's visit to campus? an open trash can, which he had been rummaging through for snacks. the school plans on purchasing and utilizing a bear-resistant can, thus closing the bear snack bar for good.

so hooray for topping the threatdown with trash, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

love the naked ambition.

and bare courage of the elderly.

meet 91-year old robert thompson. he's active, a world war II veteran, and a total badass.

thompson's dog alerted him to an intruder at the house early saturday morning. he grabbed his revolver and went out back to assert himself, and assure the attacker that he was not putting up with it.

a few minutes later, thompson was found holding the intruder at gunpoint.

all this was done while he was naked.

as the bandit was booked and sent to palm beach county jail on charges of burglary, thompson informed the police that he didn't know he was naked when he went outside.

so hooray for raw courage in the raw, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

hazards of the occupation, i suppose...

but how did the cow fall over?

a man milking a cow near the st. lucie/okeechobee line was airlifted to a nearby hospital when the cow he was working on fell over. just before 4am, the man was sent to the hospital but then released soon after.

my favorite quote from the article: "they were in the process of milking cows. that's why he was near a cow."

and i wish i could report on if the cow was injured or not. but regretfully, the article didn't say.

anyway, hooray for bobbling bovine accidents, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

i've been bothered by opposing fans before,

but not to the point where they needed to be sprayed.

jupiter high in florida eventually lost their game to the seminole ridge hawks 23-3, but they gave a rude surprise to their fans- and the rest of the fans in the stadium- friday night when a helicopter overhead sprayed the area for mosquitos.

palm beach county mosquito control was contracted to spray in the area, but locals are having a hard time understanding why they would come spray from the opposite direction, and in an area so clearly lit and occupied by people.

spraying is normally avoided on friday nights, because of football games, but this game was played on a thursday due to rosh hashanah.

mosquito control representative insists that no mistake was made, saying that it was wind or helicopter exhaust was to blame. in either case, the spray has been determined safe for humans, so no permanent damage was done.

so hooray for trying to piss off pesky fans, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

this is not the taste of a generation i would want.

but they should have asked for coupons.

i'm a big believer in customer rights. if i'm not happy with something, i'll call the company and let them know. in fact, once i found a wasp in a can of tea. i ended up with a full case of it. none of which i drank out of the can, for obvious reasons.

but this one? this would turn me off the product altogether.

fred denegri and his wife bought a flat of soda form sam's club in ormond beach last year, in hopes of saving money. but if you won't use it, it won't save money. and the denegris probably won't drink it.

denegri's wife found an unidentified body in her diet pepsi, and didn't finish it (because of it's awful taste). "body", in this case, was the right word to use; the FDA has identified that the body was that of a frog. the report was given to the couple this week, where they found out the understandable awful taste's source.

and in case you're wondering, no, the denegris did not put the frog in the can. so they're considering legal action, naturally.

so hooray for awful amphibious findings, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

like fighting crime with a water gun.

or in this case, an empty box.

in 2006, a metrowest housing complex experienced a crime wave, leaving residents nervous about whether or not they would be safe. their developer, kevin azzouz, ensured the residents that he would take every measure possible to guarantee their safety. promises were made of 40 infrared security cameras, three-dimensional crime tracking programs, and as many as 16 police officers patrolling the area to catch potential intruders.

however, azzouz used that energy and trust to instead create a false security system, which included:

• 40 empty boxes designed to look like security cameras;
• use of Google Earth to simulate a tracking system; and
• a police force on the property of six or less, and will be reduced to one beginning october 1st.

the new board president, jeremy hollis, irritatingly stated the obvious when he asserted "we believe that mock cameras are a liability risk." uh, yeah.

additionally, azzouz remains on the board, despite this debaucle and several lawsuits, bankruptcies and foreclosures during his tenure. he would not respond for comments when asked, wisely and probably on the advice of counsel. $120,000 is allocated for purchase of real security equipment, to be installed in the next year. note: don't let kevin azzouz touch it.

so hooray for perturbing property problems, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

sloth has hit a new low.

but no one's gonna do that for him in jail.

sean kelly was arrested today for trying to hire caregivers for his handicapped brother, and then refusing to provide payment.

i only wish that this was the only crime here.

three former "employees" have complained that mike kelly hired them to take care of his brother sean who was permanently handicapped after an accident. services included feeding the disabled man, and changing his soiled diapers.

here's the fun part. there is no mike. the calls made from "mike" were actually made by sean.
who is not disabled. he simply "hired" these people to take care of him without payment. or a disability.

kelly was taken to brevard county jail, where he is being held on $5,500 bail.

so hooray for dubious disability fraud, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

lesson teaching...it's not good news

"and that's why...you never teach your cat a lesson."

a boynton beach man is being held on $5,000 bail, after a discipline attempt went terribly wrong.

on his cat.

the unnamed 43-year old man caught his cat urinating on the bed instead of the litterbox, and got angry. he took his cat and a gun into the garage, and shot at a flotation device (which i imagine got comical hissing to occur) to "scare" the cat.

which brings to mind a question for me. if you want to prevent a cat from peeing where it shouldn't, is scaring it the right course of action?

well, the police deemed that it wasn't, and this callous cat owner was arrested on charges of shooting in an occupied dwelling, and operating a firearm while under the influence.

so hooray for creative cat coaching, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

this season's crimes of fashion.

dressed to kill...or at least wound.

the tampa police department is on the lookout for some unusual fashionistas. three pawn shops in the last three weeks have been robbed by these criminals with some odd fashion choices.

in these robberies, their cloaking agents have included beautician's sinks worn on their heads to cover their faces, hospital scrubs, surgical masks, and in one (i imagine, particularly hilarious) case, a child safety seat was used over the head to protect a robber's identity.

andrea davis, a spokesperson for the police department had this to say: "the first thing you think is, 'that's funny,' but in reality this is a violent crime and there's nothing funny about it to the victims."

anyone with info is asked to call the TPD, and anyone with more suggestions on costumes can call me :)

hooray for fashionable felons, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

"the tops don't sting you!"

so he used them to make the bottom parts sting you.

keith edward marriott was picked up for disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon monday, after reports of him surfaced (as did he) at madeira beach. marriott was described as being loud and disruptive, and was repeatedly submerging himself in the water, pretending to drown.

when he emerged, he had an unexpected find: jellyfish.

the 41-year old then started throwing the jellyfish at nearby teenagers. i know what you're thinking- the jellyfish were not the concealed weapon. he also had a pocketknife on him when the police picked him up.

marriott is being held on $250 bail. may the embarrassment of this crime sting less than anything the jellyfish did to him.

so hooray for assault by seacreature, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

odd law lesson.

this used to not be illegal in california.

fun fact about orson welles. at the point when he was doing a lot of theater work while directing citizen kane, there was no rule about how an ambulance could be used. if he didn't want to drive, he called an ambulance. if he was running late, he called an ambulance.

that said, benjamin dewer, 26, is no orson welles.

dewer called 911 twice, to let them know that he was hungry and needed a ride to the park.
needless to say, not an emergency. he was charged with making false 911 calls, and is being held on $1,000 bail.

so hooray for creative calling, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

Clackety, clackety, clackety...crack.

this is what happens when you roll the dice.

if you insist on playing dice, and i'm sure some of you do, i wouldn't advise that you play near jackson court apartments. i don't think that 18 year old leslie jones would endorse such a decision either.

as jones and his associates were playing dice in the complex, johnny lee "bald head" jordan, 39, approached the game, gun drawn. the players scattered, but bald head wasn't satisfied. he proceeded to chase them down, firing what the police believe was up to 10 shots. jones was hit in the wrist, foot and thigh, but his injuries do not appear to be critical.

jordan was peacefully apprehended, surprisingly enough. i would think that someone so fervently anti-dice would put up more of a fight.

in any case, hooray for deadly dice situations, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

"here's the hard part. they're going to take you too."

...into custody, that is.

18 year old estes dante washington, 18, has gone from being under a bed to under arrest in a relatively short period of time. washington is being held on $25,000 bail for burglary and resisting arrest.

the funny part is, it started in a car.

an officer pulled washington over at about 9:45 tuesday evening for not wearing a seatbelt. he bolted, panicked. he was seen running through some apartment complexes, but decided to duck into a stranger's apartment, instead of his own.

while two witnesses saw him enter the apartment, the owner said she didn't realize anyone had come in. nevertheless, police dragged him out from under a bed.

hooray for slipping into something a little more comfortable, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

what's the opposite of escape?

the "jiles in-scape plan"?

sylvester jiles should have been living a new life after being released from jail on manslaughter charges. but instead, he feared for his life. what did he decide was the thing to do here?

break back into jail.

he called the police and told them about the threats, who told him to file a report. he did the next best thing. he attempted to scale a 12 foot wire fence, returning himself to the brevard county detention center. a second, sharper fence, proved to be his downfall, and he sustained major injuries.

so hooray for determined once and future detainees, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

what has two thumbs and should be able to cash a check?

regrettably, not this man.

steve valdez of tampa had two forms of valid ID and a signed check from his wife. however, bank of america still would not allow him to process the check. they require a thumbprint to proceed with the transaction.

bad news for valdez. born without arms, he has no thumbs. he has prosthetic arms, but no thumbprints.

UPDATE: bank of america has since apologized to valdez, saying that they "should have offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint." tampa attorney maureen deskins has handled at least 10 cases of this nature, but says not enough information is present to determine if disability laws were violated.

hooray for a lack of fiscal fairness, and HOORAY FLORIDA!

oh, i'm back, and it's on.

had a summer hiatus, first because of a lack of time, and then because of a lack of florida based ridiculousness. but now i'm here again, with new hooray-worthy moments!

if at first you do succeed...see what else you can get!

steve fluegge is one of the only people i know of who had to experience a burglary in stages. whether it's because of a bold spirit and a high from stealing, or because of some transport issue, fluegge first lost his game system, watch, wallet. about an hour later, his TV went missing.

the police were investigating the scene, and wanted to dust the scene for fingerprints. the TV had been left outside, but could not be dusted right away because of the dew that accumulated when the robber put it there. an hour later, when investigators returned to the yard to check it, the tarp covering it had been tossed away, and the TV taken.


there's no sign of the robber, or clues to his identity.
but i'm not really concerned. he'll be back.

hooray for repeat robberies, hooray for being back from hiatus, and HOORAY FLORIDA!