but you'll still get in trouble.
a fort pierce man is being held on $5,000 bail foor retail theft after stealing from a convenience store. but in his defense, he didn't think he had to pay. you know, because he was in iraq.
the 31-year old man was confronted by police at a truck stop, where a search uncovered M&M's, a beer, two black t-shirts, and other food items. he said he paid for them, but no clerk could ID him, saying he had not paid.
the man could be heard screaming that he had served overseas in the military, and thus "could steal all the M&Ms [he] wanted."
he should lobby the government as that for an addition to the GI Bill.
so hooray for legislation as the result of larceny, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
batman's back...all right!
and to think he thought he was done professionally...
walsh ian nichols was taken from his caped glory in ybor months ago, arrested on the curb while eating sushi. note: with all the gadgets, speed and anonymity, THIS is how batman gets taken down? Really?
anyway, the nisdemeanor charges he faced for being masked on public property were dismissed in court last week, and he can return to protecting the streets of ybor city.
also returned, his custom made cape.
maybe the best part is his attorney's comments:
"The streets of Tampa are safe again," said Kevin Hayslett. "Ybor is a better place to have Batman in it."
so hooray for the safe return of our own dark knight, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
walsh ian nichols was taken from his caped glory in ybor months ago, arrested on the curb while eating sushi. note: with all the gadgets, speed and anonymity, THIS is how batman gets taken down? Really?
anyway, the nisdemeanor charges he faced for being masked on public property were dismissed in court last week, and he can return to protecting the streets of ybor city.
also returned, his custom made cape.
maybe the best part is his attorney's comments:
"The streets of Tampa are safe again," said Kevin Hayslett. "Ybor is a better place to have Batman in it."
so hooray for the safe return of our own dark knight, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
VIDEO: paula deen, saucy minx.
i love paula deen, not just for her fearless use of butter, or her absolutely delicious end result (the only place i've ever eaten that i got a cramp, JUST from eating), but for her comfort with herself.
but even her ego had to be smarting for this.
in a way, i suppose it's a good thing. our dearest paula has clearly been losing a little weight lately, and she has the gap in her pants to show it. when wiggling around in them during a demonstration at the south beach food festival, she had what janet jackson is now forcing us to call a "wardrobe malfunction." they fell right down. there was no skin shown, for she was wearing nude spanx. but, to the "untrained eye" (the word of the anchors), it looks as though she mooned the shocked audience.
one of my favorite parts? the anchor commentary. the male anchor said earlier in the segment that he salivated every time he saw her. post-flashing, his female counterpart asked if he was salivating then...
so hooray for saucy sextogenarians, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
but even her ego had to be smarting for this.
in a way, i suppose it's a good thing. our dearest paula has clearly been losing a little weight lately, and she has the gap in her pants to show it. when wiggling around in them during a demonstration at the south beach food festival, she had what janet jackson is now forcing us to call a "wardrobe malfunction." they fell right down. there was no skin shown, for she was wearing nude spanx. but, to the "untrained eye" (the word of the anchors), it looks as though she mooned the shocked audience.
one of my favorite parts? the anchor commentary. the male anchor said earlier in the segment that he salivated every time he saw her. post-flashing, his female counterpart asked if he was salivating then...
so hooray for saucy sextogenarians, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
he's got cars in his eyes...
but is not a jukebox hero.
let this be a lesson to you.
drummers hide behind their drums, and thus lots of people aren't always sure what they look like.
but if a 48 year old transient man meets you in tampa and tells you he's cory james, drummer for foreigner, ask for proof. and certainly, certainly, you do not lend him your car.
the fake drummer from foreigner then managed to get this woman's 2002 corvette from the valet of the clearwater hilton, and crashed it a short time later. he's currently in jail in clearwater, on several charges including grand theft auto.
and a final note, for future reference: in all these years, foreigner has had six drummers. none of them were named cory james.
let this be a lesson to you.
drummers hide behind their drums, and thus lots of people aren't always sure what they look like.
but if a 48 year old transient man meets you in tampa and tells you he's cory james, drummer for foreigner, ask for proof. and certainly, certainly, you do not lend him your car.
the fake drummer from foreigner then managed to get this woman's 2002 corvette from the valet of the clearwater hilton, and crashed it a short time later. he's currently in jail in clearwater, on several charges including grand theft auto.
and a final note, for future reference: in all these years, foreigner has had six drummers. none of them were named cory james.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
this is where huffing gets you...
but i'll say it: this story is a gas.
yes, it's an obvious pun, but i like it.
and if you run out of gas after robbing a gas station, you've earned the right for me to go for the easy joke.
an unidentified 23 year old man is in jail tonight, pending $10,000 bail, after robbing a Cape Haze gas station with a 12 inch blade.
none of his robbery was performed with a pump. therein lies his problem. for when the police were looking for the robber soon after the event, an onlooker noted that a man had run out of gas not far from the station.
so hooray for running on empty in more ways than one, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
yes, it's an obvious pun, but i like it.
and if you run out of gas after robbing a gas station, you've earned the right for me to go for the easy joke.
an unidentified 23 year old man is in jail tonight, pending $10,000 bail, after robbing a Cape Haze gas station with a 12 inch blade.
none of his robbery was performed with a pump. therein lies his problem. for when the police were looking for the robber soon after the event, an onlooker noted that a man had run out of gas not far from the station.
so hooray for running on empty in more ways than one, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
liquid courage, liquid medicine...
in a bonding moment, they're all the same.
or so an 8-year old boy said, after a failed experiment testing his driving prowess. the boy's father, bradenton's mark belanger, allowed him to drive after taking "liquid medicine" in the form of whiskey, in hopes of calming down his wooziness. it's worth mentioning that the wooziness was brought on by the xanax he took for his panic attacks. however, he allowed the boy to drive in hopes of creating a "bonding moment" in his (likely slurred) words.
in any case, this could have gone better. in his inaugural driving experience, the son hit two trees, as well as nearly hitting two pedestrians, in a parking lot.
at the end of the day, belanger is in jail with over $10,000 needed to post bail, on charges of child abuse and permitting an unlicensed driver to drive.
so hooray for quality father son time leading to hard time, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
or so an 8-year old boy said, after a failed experiment testing his driving prowess. the boy's father, bradenton's mark belanger, allowed him to drive after taking "liquid medicine" in the form of whiskey, in hopes of calming down his wooziness. it's worth mentioning that the wooziness was brought on by the xanax he took for his panic attacks. however, he allowed the boy to drive in hopes of creating a "bonding moment" in his (likely slurred) words.
in any case, this could have gone better. in his inaugural driving experience, the son hit two trees, as well as nearly hitting two pedestrians, in a parking lot.
at the end of the day, belanger is in jail with over $10,000 needed to post bail, on charges of child abuse and permitting an unlicensed driver to drive.
so hooray for quality father son time leading to hard time, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
i'm having an ethical dilemma here...
is this better hair to find in a mcdonald's?
on one hand, yes, better this way than in your food. but what if the hair is stolen?
the chase started with a call from the fort pierce beauty supplies and more, saying that they had just been robbed, but the two teenage thieves, later found to be aged 12 and 15, had gone to the mcdonald's across the street.
when they were found in the mickey d's, the two denied having gone to the store. however, when police noted that the 12 year old's jacket was "unnaturally puffed out" (a dangerous assumption, given that they HAD to go to McDonald's instead of completing the caper), police asked her to open it. hidden inside were four fake hairpieces and a packet of rubberized hair bands.
you know, to hold them on.
her 15 year old male accomplice then came clean, copping to having taken a $3.50 bottle of hair growing serum, handed to him by the girl.
they were both charged with petty theft and sent to a juvenile detention center.
wonder if she'll cornrow the new hair when she gets in...
so hooray for burglary stopped by burgers, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
on one hand, yes, better this way than in your food. but what if the hair is stolen?
the chase started with a call from the fort pierce beauty supplies and more, saying that they had just been robbed, but the two teenage thieves, later found to be aged 12 and 15, had gone to the mcdonald's across the street.
when they were found in the mickey d's, the two denied having gone to the store. however, when police noted that the 12 year old's jacket was "unnaturally puffed out" (a dangerous assumption, given that they HAD to go to McDonald's instead of completing the caper), police asked her to open it. hidden inside were four fake hairpieces and a packet of rubberized hair bands.
you know, to hold them on.
her 15 year old male accomplice then came clean, copping to having taken a $3.50 bottle of hair growing serum, handed to him by the girl.
they were both charged with petty theft and sent to a juvenile detention center.
wonder if she'll cornrow the new hair when she gets in...
so hooray for burglary stopped by burgers, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Monday, February 9, 2009
could it be?
two ludicrous 911 calls in one day?
technically three, as you'll find out.
first daytona beach, and now in zephyrhills. both men thirsty, both men in trouble.
911 received a call saturday morning from a convenience store clerk, upset that a customer was harrassing her for not selling beer at the time of his arrival. (i believe the time is 9am, but that may vary by county).
get this. minutes later, the same dispatcher fielded a phone call from the customer. in an "abusive" tone, he complained about the clerk. so the police went out to investigate the cause for the tandem phone calls. the result? a charge for disorderly conduct to the man, though he was bailed out soon after, and no charges to the agitated clerk.
for those keeping score:
2 calls (in this story) + 1 (for lemonade in daytona beach) = 3 ludicrous phone calls!
(ah-ah-ah!)
so hooray for a bust-up over brew, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
technically three, as you'll find out.
first daytona beach, and now in zephyrhills. both men thirsty, both men in trouble.
911 received a call saturday morning from a convenience store clerk, upset that a customer was harrassing her for not selling beer at the time of his arrival. (i believe the time is 9am, but that may vary by county).
get this. minutes later, the same dispatcher fielded a phone call from the customer. in an "abusive" tone, he complained about the clerk. so the police went out to investigate the cause for the tandem phone calls. the result? a charge for disorderly conduct to the man, though he was bailed out soon after, and no charges to the agitated clerk.
for those keeping score:
2 calls (in this story) + 1 (for lemonade in daytona beach) = 3 ludicrous phone calls!
(ah-ah-ah!)
so hooray for a bust-up over brew, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
do i love my jeans this much?
probably not.
i'm a fairly young woman. i have had fights with my sister over jeans. but never like this.
two brothers, aged 23 and 25, got into a tussle over a pair of jeans. the fight escalated, some would say out of control, and punches were traded.
seeking the upper hand, the younger of the two ran to his truck, returning to strike his brother in the back of the head with a recently acquired tire iron before taking off running. he later returned to the house, admitting remorse as he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.
they never resolve these stories. what happened to the pants? whose were they to begin with?
hooray for passion for your pants, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
i'm a fairly young woman. i have had fights with my sister over jeans. but never like this.
two brothers, aged 23 and 25, got into a tussle over a pair of jeans. the fight escalated, some would say out of control, and punches were traded.
seeking the upper hand, the younger of the two ran to his truck, returning to strike his brother in the back of the head with a recently acquired tire iron before taking off running. he later returned to the house, admitting remorse as he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.
they never resolve these stories. what happened to the pants? whose were they to begin with?
hooray for passion for your pants, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
two things that you can guarantee here in florida.
(1) lemonade is delicious.
(2) old people complain about things.
Jean Fortune just wanted some Burger King and a lemonade to go along with. When he was told that there wasn't any, he took it to be an emergent situation.
And called 911.
He was charged with abuse of 911 communication (today's "they can charge you for that?" award winner). No word as to whether he got lemonade or not.
Hooray for getting lemons and making a scene, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
(2) old people complain about things.
Jean Fortune just wanted some Burger King and a lemonade to go along with. When he was told that there wasn't any, he took it to be an emergent situation.
And called 911.
He was charged with abuse of 911 communication (today's "they can charge you for that?" award winner). No word as to whether he got lemonade or not.
Hooray for getting lemons and making a scene, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
i love food related assault stories. i really do.
and this one wraps itself up.
if you happen to go to goomba's in flagler county, and your order turns up incorrect, just let it slide. seriously.
need a reason? i'll give you the last line of the article (and i really love the way some of these stories are written):
"the customer was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said had been prepared incorrectly. he was taken to the hospital after the incident with a bloodied head."
footage from the security camera sheds a bit of light on the incident: it shows the customer in question approaching the counter, only to have the owner strike him and his roommate with a gun, jump the counter, and then beat them. the owner was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and placed in jail.
was the money returned? did the man with the bloody head get a new calzone? the daytona beach news journal doesn't say...
so hooray for proving the customer apparently is not always right, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
if you happen to go to goomba's in flagler county, and your order turns up incorrect, just let it slide. seriously.
need a reason? i'll give you the last line of the article (and i really love the way some of these stories are written):
"the customer was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said had been prepared incorrectly. he was taken to the hospital after the incident with a bloodied head."
footage from the security camera sheds a bit of light on the incident: it shows the customer in question approaching the counter, only to have the owner strike him and his roommate with a gun, jump the counter, and then beat them. the owner was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, and placed in jail.
was the money returned? did the man with the bloody head get a new calzone? the daytona beach news journal doesn't say...
so hooray for proving the customer apparently is not always right, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
another thing i would not steal under any circumstances...
A FOOT.
on september 19th, a crash in st lucie county resulted in death to one of the passengers in the vehicle. another odd side effect: a missing foot.
the foot was later found in the custody of a firefighter who had reported to the site that day. she was reportedly using it to cadaver train her dog. she resigned in a matter unrelated to the foot stealing incident, but was arrested monday over the missing limb.
however, the severity of the charge cannot yet be assessed. why? the charge classification is determined by the monetary value of the item stolen. what value do you place on your foot? what value did the owner place on his foot? who knows?
so hooray for getting to the heart of the foot matter, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
on september 19th, a crash in st lucie county resulted in death to one of the passengers in the vehicle. another odd side effect: a missing foot.
the foot was later found in the custody of a firefighter who had reported to the site that day. she was reportedly using it to cadaver train her dog. she resigned in a matter unrelated to the foot stealing incident, but was arrested monday over the missing limb.
however, the severity of the charge cannot yet be assessed. why? the charge classification is determined by the monetary value of the item stolen. what value do you place on your foot? what value did the owner place on his foot? who knows?
so hooray for getting to the heart of the foot matter, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
there are very few things i would steal.
underwear is NOT one of them.
especially from mons venus. but tell it to tara lynn woodruff. the 23-year-old dancer at the famed strip club has been charged with a grand theft felony after stealing the underwear and clothing of a fellow dancer.
woodruff said that she thought the bag containing the contraband clothing belonged to her. however, she was viewed on videotape as taking the bag, also containing three bikinis worth $55 each, and placing it inside a larger bag. she was arrested at the club just before midnight Monday.
so hooray for unidentified undies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
especially from mons venus. but tell it to tara lynn woodruff. the 23-year-old dancer at the famed strip club has been charged with a grand theft felony after stealing the underwear and clothing of a fellow dancer.
woodruff said that she thought the bag containing the contraband clothing belonged to her. however, she was viewed on videotape as taking the bag, also containing three bikinis worth $55 each, and placing it inside a larger bag. she was arrested at the club just before midnight Monday.
so hooray for unidentified undies, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
who knew pancakes could cause such a ruckus?
they're so sweet, after all...
Francheska Garcia-Olivo found herself in Orient road Jail on $7500 bail last week, after an argument over butter and syrup for pancakes got heated. As the syrup was, we would hope. Angered about something in regards to the pancake fixings, she threw a wooden vase at her roommate. Michael Wilson, 27, was struck with the vase, but it caused no visible injuries.
So hooray for deliciousness leading to delinquency, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
Francheska Garcia-Olivo found herself in Orient road Jail on $7500 bail last week, after an argument over butter and syrup for pancakes got heated. As the syrup was, we would hope. Angered about something in regards to the pancake fixings, she threw a wooden vase at her roommate. Michael Wilson, 27, was struck with the vase, but it caused no visible injuries.
So hooray for deliciousness leading to delinquency, and HOORAY FLORIDA!
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